Stealing Food and Failing School

We've been under a bit of stress lately, as you might have a hint of from the title of this entry.

Last Monday, I received calls from both Bubbles' and Blondie's teachers. Let's start with Bubbles. Her teacher called to say that a boy's snack had disappeared from his cubbie hole out in the hall. Everyone in the class knew that he was looking for it. Then when snack time came, my little Bubbles pulled his snack out of her bag and began to eat it. When she was asked about it, she said, "oh, you said you were looking for a donut and this is a sausage roll" which was true, but nevertheless, she knew who she had taken it from and that he was looking for it. When her teacher asked her where she got it, she said she found it on the floor. Her teacher proceeded to tell her that we don't eat food that we found on the floor, and took it away and threw it in the trash. Then she sent her to talk to the counselor, and she insisted to the counselor that she found it on the floor. When the counselor told her teacher, the teacher rightly informed the counselor that the snack had not been on the floor, and Bubbles finally admitted that she took it from his cubby. I was a bit shocked by all this, because there hasn't been any food stealing at home. I assumed that it was a one time thing, and that maybe the embarrassment of it would cause her not to do it again, and that we would treat it as such for the time being. However, when confronted that evening, Bubbles admitted not only that she had stolen the snack, but that she had been stealing snacks from her friends all year long. Most people instantly think at this point, maybe I'm not sending her enough food. But she herself has asked me to send her less food because she can't eat it all. Now her teacher doesn't trust her and won't let her go out in the hall by herself anymore since that is where the cubbies are.

Sigh.

The second call was from Blondie's teacher. Blondie's last two report cards have dropped significantly, and she failed the reading portion of her state mandated test. She hasn't taken the math portion yet, but I will be pleasantly surprised if she passes it. Her teacher reported that Blondie isn't minding her, and is talking all the time. She had not been bringing me the notes that her teacher was sending home so she finally had to call. Her teacher put her at a table all by herself to try to curtail all the talking, and took away her recess for a week for not bringing me the notes. Her teacher also told me that Blondie doesn't do her homework. I asked if that meant she wasn't doing her work at school, or not bringing back her work from home, because she never has any homework. Ding ding ding!! Okay, she has homework almost every night, but wasn't bringing it home so I didn't know. We've also noticed that her retention is almost nil. We've worked and worked and worked with her on her multiplication facts, and each time she finally gets it, but if she leaves it and comes back it is gone, just like she's never seen it before. We've worked with her for weeks, and now we are finally seeing some progress, but I'm convinced that she can't learn at the same pace as the other students. I really wanted to keep her mainstreamed if possible, but now the teachers are doing all but telling me that she's going to fail third grade. I don't think that will help anything. So when I was talking with her teacher, I asked that she be tested to see if she qualifies for any services. I haven't heard anything yet, but it's only been a week. I'm considering homeschooling her...but I don't know yet.

Their behavior at home continues to be consistently good, except for lying every time they get in trouble. Otherwise they obey and play pretty nicely, as long as we are around. Our issues with them still revolve mainly around when we are not there, such as church, school, grandma's house, etc. We took an anniversary weekend and left all four kids with Grandpa, and Blondie drove him crazy, and wouldn't do anything he asked. When we got them back, he told me he didn't understand how we did it. I told him that if he provides no consequences, they will not mind. It's just how they are. They know that we will send them to bed early or put them in time out so they mind us.

Sometimes I get really frustrated, and my husband reminds me that we can't control their behavior. We can only teach them and provide consequences, and the rest is up to them. We can't be with them every minute, and we can't get in their heads and change their minds about things.

They are hard to love sometimes, and sometimes they are sweet and cuddly and easy to love. This is no easy road we have chosen.