So Much Harder Than I Thought

When you go to training, they try to tell you what you are in for when you adopt older children. But really, I still wasn't prepared. They told us the horror stories, and I know that many people actually live through those, and they have my deepest sympathies. What I didn't know was how frustrating it would be to try and try and try and try, and still be almost at the same point where we started after over two years. It makes me feel helpless and want to give up. I talk and reason until I'm blue in the face, and I get ready assurances that they will do everything I suggest, but then nothing.

Blondie is failing fourth grade. She will not do her work. It's hard to tell how much she can/can't do. I have told her repeatedly to bring her work home with her and I will help her with it. She tells me she doesn't have homework. Her teacher says she does. She tells me that she turned it in right before she left for the day, in the latework folder, and that the teacher hasn't seen it yet. The next day the teacher tells me she doesn't have it. New week, repeat. New week, repeat. I explain to Blondie that she will fail fourth grade if she doesn't do her work. She cries and says she doesn't want to fail, and that she will do her work and bring it home for me to help her with. She doesn't. I'm at my wit's end.

Her teacher has started sending home her progress reports with Bubbles, because Blondie throws them away. The child is fighting every step of the way not to do her work. I know that she could do better if she would just try, even though I also know that the work is harder for her than the average child.

I asked Blondie what kind of reward I could offer her that would make her want to do her work. She said that she wanted me to come eat lunch with her and bring Sonic. I told her that I would be happy to do that if she brought home a report card or progress report with no failing grades. She was very excited and talked about it alot, but she DIDN'T DO HER WORK. She continued to lie and hide and throw away her work. I don't know if she doesn't care about failing, doesn't believe she'll actually fail, or just can't connect her consequences with her actions. It's hard for me to understand, because she certainly behaves when Boaz or I am around, so she knows about consequences. She also knows that the school can't give her any consequences that matter to her, so she does what she wants there.

She really likes Boaz. She loves to be outside, and so does he, so I'm trying to use that to our advantage. I'm going to start having Boaz talk more to her about school and her grades, and have him offer her some rewards and consequences. I think it might have more effect since she seems to prefer him. I don't know, but it's worth a shot. I'm down but not out. I'm still trying, I just have less hope of succeeding that I did in the beginning. It's like trying to move a mountain with a toothpick and I've got a very, very small pile of rubble to show for it after two years. And a broken toothpick and splinters. I'm thinking I'll reach old age before I get the mountain moved.

But the conclusion I have come to is this: I can't fix the broken things inside of her. Only God can do that. I am called to be her mother and do the best I can for her, and I will continue to do that. But I'm praying a lot harder and depending a lot less on my own abilities in the meantime. Boaz pointed out that this is probably how God feels about us sometimes: that we keep on and on doing the same dumb things, even though we know better. I'm so thankful that He doesn't get as frustrated with me as I do with Blondie! It helps me to put it all in perspective. She can't help the way she is. I'm not sure that I can either. It's all up to God.