Finally, Some Progress

Things are changing around here. Bubbles in particular has been showing signs of real attachment. A year ago, she would exclaim that she loved me and want hugs and kisses, but there was no feeling behind it. It was more that she loved the mommy placeholder, and anyone in that place would receive the expected love actions. But now, I can feel a difference. She snuggles more and hugs longer and genuinely wants to sit by me. She follows me all over the house. She hurt her knee a couple of nights ago (while making an attempt to go where I was), then bravely held off crying until I got to her, when she let loose and bawled. It's just starting to feel so REAL. I don't feel like such a fake mommy anymore.

Blondie is trying too. It's harder for her, because she has more baggage from the past. It's harder for her to trust that I'm not leaving, ever. It's harder for her to emotionally connect with me because her birth mom had the first six years with her, and is most likely still the mommy of her heart. I can tell that Blondie wants to make a real connection with me, and that is different from before. I think she was just in survival mode before. That means she thinks she HAS to be nice to me so that I will feed her and take care of her and keep her. Obviously that isn't true, but she can't understand that.

I've begun to really appreciate some things about Blondie. She is very sweet and nurturing. I've seen it with animals and small children. She has an especially soft spot for children with special needs. Last night, for the first time, she was even nurturing to ME. I have a virus. I was lying on the couch, suffering with a low fever and just generally feeling terrible. She came over to me and felt my head and said, "Mommy I think you have fever! Can I get you some medicine?" She was genuinely concerned and was smoothing my hair and kissing my forehead. It was beyond sweet. Bucky got some medicine for me and Blondie brought it and a glass of water and then sat by me and obviously wanted to care for me.

Boaz has said before that our two youngest daughters are like little sponges, just soaking up all the love and attention they can get. It's only recently that I've begun to feel like they are trying to give back, and not just to make sure we'll keep them, but because they really care. I've been working hard to give them lots of praise lately, and they seem to be flowering from it.

On a side note, we are trying something new with their eating issues. Since day one, I've been trying to teach the girls what appropriate portion sizes are, just assuming that over time they will learn by example. But after a year, they are still gorging and begging for food when we aren't around. So based on some advice from someone who has worked with kids like mine for many years, we're taking a new tack. When we sit down to eat dinner, we will let them eat as much as they want. Gee, that sounds so normal. But with my girls, at least in the beginning, they would literally eat until they were in physical pain, to the point of tears. I felt like a terrible mother for allowing them to do that. I wanted to teach them good eating habits. But the theory is that I have to allow them to do this often enough that they will decide on their own not to overeat. I'm supposed to allow them to eat until they puke if that's what it takes.

Bubbles hasn't taken us up on it. I think the year of eating right-sized portions has actually had an effect on her. But since she was only four when she left her birth home, she probably didn't experience starvation to the same degree that Blondie did. Blondie has been eager to overeat and I've been letting her do it. It really bothers me and makes me feel like a bad mom. But I'm willing to give this a shot since a year of eating right hasn't cured her yet.