Posts
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
A Good Weekend
Bucky had a great birthday. He said it was his best one ever. On Thursday night we surprised him with an electric guitar. He thought we were headed to dinner and then his guitar lesson, so we told him to go put the acoustic guitar in the trunk. We had already loaded the box with his electric guitar in the trunk so when he opened the trunk he just jumped back and then just kind of wandered back and forth looking in the trunk. It was so cute.
Then we took him out to dinner. Since Babygirl and Blondie were sick, they stayed home together while the rest of us went out for mexican food. At the restaurant, Boaz told the waiter that it was Bucky's birthday, which resulted in him flapping some takeout boxes and holding a little cone over his nose like a chicken. It was very funny and I got it on my digital camera.
Then Boaz and Bubbles went home and I took Bucky to his music lesson. Since Babygirl wasn't there, Bucky got the whole hour to himself and they dug into all the new stuff and his teacher had time to go over how to use the guitar and the amplifier and get him started on power chords. When we got home he kept playing it until I made him go to bed, and then when I got up the next morning he was waiting on the couch so he could start playing as soon as I got up. This is the same kid that I have trouble getting up each morning! He had already showered and was just quietly waiting to play his new guitar. Ha.
Friday night seven of his friends, three grandparents and two cousins came for his party. I made him a Ginger Macadamia Coconut Carrot cake with spelt flour from a vegan cookbook, the Vegan With a Vengence. It was great. Everything I've made from that cookbook is good. The boys played with their airsoft guns outside for most of the evening, and then I locked them in the house at 11:30pm and turned on the alarm. At 7am they were wanting out, so I turned off the alarm and headed into the kitchen to make some Macadamia Caramel Cinnamon rolls. Those were a hit too, I just didn't make enough of them.
All of the boys were gone by 10:30am and we made Bucky go to bed. He insisted that he wasn't tired and wouldn't be able to sleep and he didn't want to go to bed, until Boaz threatened to paddle him and he grumpily obeyed. Thirty minutes later when I checked on him he was sound asleep and he didn't get up until around 3pm.
My FIL came over in the afternoon and helped us plant pansies around the front porch. Boaz brought dirt from the garden with his tractor, and FIL, Blondie, Bubbles and I raked dirt and spaced out the plants. After the plants were in the ground and mulched, I headed into the garage and dusted off a box of solar lights that I bought a couple of years ago. Blondie offered to help and so together we assembled and placed the lights around the porch too. It looks pretty cute. It still doesn't compare with most of the manicured, paid-gardener pampered yards in our neighborhood, but it's much improved.
That night we went to the annual neighborhood Halloween party. There was a hayride and potluck dinner and it was fun. Babygirl was still sick and had to miss out. The ride was too long and a bit cold, but we still had a pretty good time. Believe it or not, we don't know most of the people in our neighborhood. You'd think it'd be different in a gated neighborhood, but we only get together once a year, and different people come different years.
On Sunday after church Bucky wanted to spend some of his birthday money on Nintendo DS games, so he and I went off together to Best Buy. When we got home, Bubbles told me in a happy voice that the turtle died and then she ran off to play. This was a painful blow, especially in the way that the news was delivered. Boaz had told her not to tell Babygirl, but didn't realize I would be home so soon, and didn't tell her not to tell me. He wanted to be the one to tell me, because we've had the turtle for ten years and knew it would be somewhat upsetting news. It's hard to get too attached to a water turtle, but they really become a friend over the years in their own way. I think it's mostly just because she's seven that she didn't really get that I would be upset by what she was telling me.
We also found out this weekend that Bubbles is equally guilty in the food begging at school. I noticed that she was starting to get thick around the middle in her clothes so I weighed her, and she has gained five or six pounds since school started. Sigh. Both girls will tell you that they are still hungry and don't have enough food if you ask, yet they are gaining weight at an alarming speed. They have each added ten percent to their body weight. Four and five pounds doesn't seem like a lot, and it isn't for an adult, but it's a lot for a kid, especially when they haven't grown enough to make up for it.
I've found that I have to watch over them and control their portions at every meal. On the few occasions I've let them eat as much as they wanted, they ate until they were in physical pain and nearly crying. They just have no control. People look at me like I'm some kind of monster when I tell the girls they've had enough and can't have any more and they are saying they are still hungry. But all you have to do is look at them to see they aren't underfed. They are healthy and happy, they just have food issues. Whenever they are away from me, they eat everything they can get their hands on. We did great over the summer, and they were even starting to say they were "full" which was a major milestone. But I guess they just can't help themselves when they are surrounded by so much food every day, and with just a bit of bullying and begging they can have it.
I called the school secretary this morning, and for now the plan is this: If the lunchroom attendants see the girls eating anything that isn't theirs, they will have to sit at the "bad" table for a week. I don't know what the correct term for this table is now, but it was called the "silent" table when I was a kid. They will also give me a call when they see this behavior. I hope this will help curb the girls from this constant begging. I know it can't possibly be making them popular with their friends. I wouldn't like somebody who begged for my food every day and I'm sure their friends don't like it either.
The nice thing is that the secretary tried to encourage me by telling me how much the girls have changed over the last year, and how their manners are wonderful and how they just seem to be flourishing under our care. I see that too. They have made so many changes and they have held up so well. Bubbles is witty and loves to laugh and have fun. Blondie is so sweet natured and helpful. She is willing to give away some or all of what she has to anyone who doesn't have one/some. Things are even starting to feel more "normal". I'm not sure how to explain that one, but it feels more natural than it did. Real emotions are starting to grow in place of the plastic feelings we all had in the beginning.
The main problem is with their being disobedient when we aren't there. If we can ever conquer that one, I don't think I'll have anything else to complain about.
Then we took him out to dinner. Since Babygirl and Blondie were sick, they stayed home together while the rest of us went out for mexican food. At the restaurant, Boaz told the waiter that it was Bucky's birthday, which resulted in him flapping some takeout boxes and holding a little cone over his nose like a chicken. It was very funny and I got it on my digital camera.
Then Boaz and Bubbles went home and I took Bucky to his music lesson. Since Babygirl wasn't there, Bucky got the whole hour to himself and they dug into all the new stuff and his teacher had time to go over how to use the guitar and the amplifier and get him started on power chords. When we got home he kept playing it until I made him go to bed, and then when I got up the next morning he was waiting on the couch so he could start playing as soon as I got up. This is the same kid that I have trouble getting up each morning! He had already showered and was just quietly waiting to play his new guitar. Ha.
Friday night seven of his friends, three grandparents and two cousins came for his party. I made him a Ginger Macadamia Coconut Carrot cake with spelt flour from a vegan cookbook, the Vegan With a Vengence. It was great. Everything I've made from that cookbook is good. The boys played with their airsoft guns outside for most of the evening, and then I locked them in the house at 11:30pm and turned on the alarm. At 7am they were wanting out, so I turned off the alarm and headed into the kitchen to make some Macadamia Caramel Cinnamon rolls. Those were a hit too, I just didn't make enough of them.
All of the boys were gone by 10:30am and we made Bucky go to bed. He insisted that he wasn't tired and wouldn't be able to sleep and he didn't want to go to bed, until Boaz threatened to paddle him and he grumpily obeyed. Thirty minutes later when I checked on him he was sound asleep and he didn't get up until around 3pm.
My FIL came over in the afternoon and helped us plant pansies around the front porch. Boaz brought dirt from the garden with his tractor, and FIL, Blondie, Bubbles and I raked dirt and spaced out the plants. After the plants were in the ground and mulched, I headed into the garage and dusted off a box of solar lights that I bought a couple of years ago. Blondie offered to help and so together we assembled and placed the lights around the porch too. It looks pretty cute. It still doesn't compare with most of the manicured, paid-gardener pampered yards in our neighborhood, but it's much improved.
That night we went to the annual neighborhood Halloween party. There was a hayride and potluck dinner and it was fun. Babygirl was still sick and had to miss out. The ride was too long and a bit cold, but we still had a pretty good time. Believe it or not, we don't know most of the people in our neighborhood. You'd think it'd be different in a gated neighborhood, but we only get together once a year, and different people come different years.
On Sunday after church Bucky wanted to spend some of his birthday money on Nintendo DS games, so he and I went off together to Best Buy. When we got home, Bubbles told me in a happy voice that the turtle died and then she ran off to play. This was a painful blow, especially in the way that the news was delivered. Boaz had told her not to tell Babygirl, but didn't realize I would be home so soon, and didn't tell her not to tell me. He wanted to be the one to tell me, because we've had the turtle for ten years and knew it would be somewhat upsetting news. It's hard to get too attached to a water turtle, but they really become a friend over the years in their own way. I think it's mostly just because she's seven that she didn't really get that I would be upset by what she was telling me.
We also found out this weekend that Bubbles is equally guilty in the food begging at school. I noticed that she was starting to get thick around the middle in her clothes so I weighed her, and she has gained five or six pounds since school started. Sigh. Both girls will tell you that they are still hungry and don't have enough food if you ask, yet they are gaining weight at an alarming speed. They have each added ten percent to their body weight. Four and five pounds doesn't seem like a lot, and it isn't for an adult, but it's a lot for a kid, especially when they haven't grown enough to make up for it.
I've found that I have to watch over them and control their portions at every meal. On the few occasions I've let them eat as much as they wanted, they ate until they were in physical pain and nearly crying. They just have no control. People look at me like I'm some kind of monster when I tell the girls they've had enough and can't have any more and they are saying they are still hungry. But all you have to do is look at them to see they aren't underfed. They are healthy and happy, they just have food issues. Whenever they are away from me, they eat everything they can get their hands on. We did great over the summer, and they were even starting to say they were "full" which was a major milestone. But I guess they just can't help themselves when they are surrounded by so much food every day, and with just a bit of bullying and begging they can have it.
I called the school secretary this morning, and for now the plan is this: If the lunchroom attendants see the girls eating anything that isn't theirs, they will have to sit at the "bad" table for a week. I don't know what the correct term for this table is now, but it was called the "silent" table when I was a kid. They will also give me a call when they see this behavior. I hope this will help curb the girls from this constant begging. I know it can't possibly be making them popular with their friends. I wouldn't like somebody who begged for my food every day and I'm sure their friends don't like it either.
The nice thing is that the secretary tried to encourage me by telling me how much the girls have changed over the last year, and how their manners are wonderful and how they just seem to be flourishing under our care. I see that too. They have made so many changes and they have held up so well. Bubbles is witty and loves to laugh and have fun. Blondie is so sweet natured and helpful. She is willing to give away some or all of what she has to anyone who doesn't have one/some. Things are even starting to feel more "normal". I'm not sure how to explain that one, but it feels more natural than it did. Real emotions are starting to grow in place of the plastic feelings we all had in the beginning.
The main problem is with their being disobedient when we aren't there. If we can ever conquer that one, I don't think I'll have anything else to complain about.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Family Clinic?
So now I have two patients. Blondie has a cough and a sore throat so I had to go pick her up at school. Anyone else feeling bad? The couch and the loveseat are taken, but I can make you a pallet on the floor.
Good grief. It looks like the attendance list for Bucky's birthday dinner tonight is rapidly shrinking.
Good grief. It looks like the attendance list for Bucky's birthday dinner tonight is rapidly shrinking.
Happy Birthday Little Man
My son turns thirteen today. He's such a great kid. He's sensitive and loving and all boy. He has invited nine kids over for a sleep over tomorrow night. I'm hoping some of them won't come, but you never know. If I end up with ten twelve and thirteen year olds stomping through the house, I may get my gray hair a bit early.
His big surprise today when he gets home is an electric guitar. He has no idea. He's been begging for one for weeks but I've let him know that we can't afford one and that he'll have to save his money. However, I actually found a good deal at the warehouse store that included an amplifier, so I went for it. I made a deal with him long ago that if he took lessons on my acoustic guitar and learned to play it well, I'd buy him an electric one. He's fulfilled his part of the bargain, so now I'm fulfilling mine. He's going to flip when he sees it.
The only bad thing is, Babygirl woke up sick this morning. There's a stomach virus going around all the schools and Bucky just got over it. Babygirl is in a choir concert tonight and has her first real solo that is a whole song, and now it looks like she'll miss it. I had the wonderful experience of cleaning spew off the wall this morning, because she couldn't get the toilet lid up in time. Nice. That wall might need to be repainted.
His big surprise today when he gets home is an electric guitar. He has no idea. He's been begging for one for weeks but I've let him know that we can't afford one and that he'll have to save his money. However, I actually found a good deal at the warehouse store that included an amplifier, so I went for it. I made a deal with him long ago that if he took lessons on my acoustic guitar and learned to play it well, I'd buy him an electric one. He's fulfilled his part of the bargain, so now I'm fulfilling mine. He's going to flip when he sees it.
The only bad thing is, Babygirl woke up sick this morning. There's a stomach virus going around all the schools and Bucky just got over it. Babygirl is in a choir concert tonight and has her first real solo that is a whole song, and now it looks like she'll miss it. I had the wonderful experience of cleaning spew off the wall this morning, because she couldn't get the toilet lid up in time. Nice. That wall might need to be repainted.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Too Many Cats
There are two too many cats in my house. The one in the middle is my baby. The one on the right is Babygirl's baby, Joey. He's rotten. He's the one that can open doors, and taught Gabriel how to do it too (my baby).
We recently added one more cat to the mix. This was completely unintentional on my part. I rescued a kitten that was dumped at our church, and brought her home with the intention of keeping her inside until she was big enough to be outside with the other cats. BUT my son Bucky took one look at her and fell totally in love and she immediately became HIS cat. So Sophie has joined the list of indoor cats, but we're through, we're full, completely and totally and absolutely no more cats are joining our household! Is that clear??! I don't even feel alone anymore when I'm home alone.
But they're so cute.
Almost a Year
I think that my little ones are having some sort of emotional reaction to the fact that we are coming up on their one year anniversary of living with us. Both have started misbehaving more than usual. More disobedience, more lying. Or are we just catching them more? I don't know, but suddenly things seem harder in the last couple of weeks. Maybe it's because we are starting to form real attachments and it's scary for them. Or maybe THAT's just my wishful thinking.
I can feel myself starting to think they are cuter, and starting to feel warmer toward them. It's amazing the cycle of emotions I have gone through. When they first came and we were honeymooning, I was crazy about them. I was fiercely protective and 110% of my attention was focused on their every need. As that began to wear off, I became weary of them and their behavior. I could tell that all their attention toward me was fake, and a lot of mine toward them was too.
Then I started to get really disgusted with myself, because really, if I can't love them the way no one ever truly has, and be the mom that they really need, then who will? So I've kept praying and trying, and my feelings for them are growing daily.
Blondie doesn't like to wash her hair. We had a big issue over this a couple of weeks ago, where I could tell her hair was still dirty and it didn't smell like the watermelon shampoo that she uses. So she started telling me that she just didn't get all the shampoo out, as usual, but finally I was catching on. The kid hasn't been washing her hair very often. So then she tried to tell me that she didn't use enough shampoo, only a pea sized drop. I told her that trying to say she used a tiny amount was no better than just not doing it, and to quit trying to wiggle out of it. She kept it up for 15 to 20 minutes before she finally admitted the truth. She got spanked and sent to bed early that night, and I thought that would be the end of it.
But no, on Sunday morning, she decided again not to wash her hair. As I was drying it, I noticed that it was limp and lifeless and just stuck to her head. I smelled it and it was stinky. So I got down on eye level with her and asked her if there was anything she needed to tell me. She immediately confessed that she hadn't washed her hair.
After church Boaz decided that he would help Blondie want to wash her hair. HE washed it. Having Daddy wash her hair was none too pleasant, so hopefully Blondie has changed her mind and will wash it on her own from now on. It did smell fresh and watermelon-y this morning.
Then later in the day when she was loading the dishwasher, she broke a glass. Now this is not a problem, because accidents happen. In fact, she has broken a glass before and didn't get into trouble. So she should have known it would be okay. But instead of telling me, she tried to pick up all the broken glass and hide it in the trashcan. I found out later it was because she had been trying to force it into a space that was too small and it broke. We had a serious discussion with her about how dangerous it is to touch broken glass, and that she might not have found it all and someone else could get hurt too, and that an adult is really needed when glass gets broken in the house. Then we sent her to her room for a while, and when I was finishing loading the dishwasher I found more glass in there. SIGH.
Bubbles got in trouble too because she saw Blondie break the glass and didn't tell anyone. Then yesterday Bubbles came home and let me know that Blondie is eating mayonnaise packets at school. Evidently she ate so many at one point that the lunch lady told her not to eat any more mayo. But that lady recently quit, so Blondie attacked the mayo again yesterday.
Sometimes I want to just give in and believe it's a lost cause. Is anything we're doing getting through to her? Or are we just providing food and shelter until she's 18 and then she'll just go out on her own and return to her old way of life? It's very disheartening at times. But then sometimes she'll be honest about things, and she sees that she doesn't get in trouble, and I think that we've gotten past it, and then suddenly she does it again. This lying thing is a very hard thing to break, and so are food issues, and convincing her to wipe her bottom and wash her hair. I really think we've conquered the wiping thing, but you never know.
I still believe that we'll get through to her and that she'll have a good life, and that I won't regret this ten years from now, but it's hard when you're still in the trenches.
Bubbles is so much easier. She has problems too, but she's so much easier to redirect. I'm sure that it's because we got her at a younger age. So the human side of me wants to say, never adopt a child over six, but I know that's wrong. Every single child out there deserves another chance. You just have to be the right person in the right situation to do it. I'm thankful that we got Blondie and Bubbles and that their problems are no worse than they are. I just wish I had that magic pill to feed them that would make them listen to me and obey me. It's going to take lots of time, and I haven't always been a very patient person in some matters. I'm sure that's one of the lessons God is teaching me as I go through all this.
If you're a praying person, would you please pray for Blondie and Bubbles and Boaz and me? Pray that God would open their ears and eyes to the truth around them, and pray that God would give wisdom and discernment to Boaz and me as we parent them, and finally that He would help us all to grow in real love for each other. And if you don't mind, throw a prayer in there for Babygirl and Bucky too. It's hard on them too.
I can feel myself starting to think they are cuter, and starting to feel warmer toward them. It's amazing the cycle of emotions I have gone through. When they first came and we were honeymooning, I was crazy about them. I was fiercely protective and 110% of my attention was focused on their every need. As that began to wear off, I became weary of them and their behavior. I could tell that all their attention toward me was fake, and a lot of mine toward them was too.
Then I started to get really disgusted with myself, because really, if I can't love them the way no one ever truly has, and be the mom that they really need, then who will? So I've kept praying and trying, and my feelings for them are growing daily.
Blondie doesn't like to wash her hair. We had a big issue over this a couple of weeks ago, where I could tell her hair was still dirty and it didn't smell like the watermelon shampoo that she uses. So she started telling me that she just didn't get all the shampoo out, as usual, but finally I was catching on. The kid hasn't been washing her hair very often. So then she tried to tell me that she didn't use enough shampoo, only a pea sized drop. I told her that trying to say she used a tiny amount was no better than just not doing it, and to quit trying to wiggle out of it. She kept it up for 15 to 20 minutes before she finally admitted the truth. She got spanked and sent to bed early that night, and I thought that would be the end of it.
But no, on Sunday morning, she decided again not to wash her hair. As I was drying it, I noticed that it was limp and lifeless and just stuck to her head. I smelled it and it was stinky. So I got down on eye level with her and asked her if there was anything she needed to tell me. She immediately confessed that she hadn't washed her hair.
After church Boaz decided that he would help Blondie want to wash her hair. HE washed it. Having Daddy wash her hair was none too pleasant, so hopefully Blondie has changed her mind and will wash it on her own from now on. It did smell fresh and watermelon-y this morning.
Then later in the day when she was loading the dishwasher, she broke a glass. Now this is not a problem, because accidents happen. In fact, she has broken a glass before and didn't get into trouble. So she should have known it would be okay. But instead of telling me, she tried to pick up all the broken glass and hide it in the trashcan. I found out later it was because she had been trying to force it into a space that was too small and it broke. We had a serious discussion with her about how dangerous it is to touch broken glass, and that she might not have found it all and someone else could get hurt too, and that an adult is really needed when glass gets broken in the house. Then we sent her to her room for a while, and when I was finishing loading the dishwasher I found more glass in there. SIGH.
Bubbles got in trouble too because she saw Blondie break the glass and didn't tell anyone. Then yesterday Bubbles came home and let me know that Blondie is eating mayonnaise packets at school. Evidently she ate so many at one point that the lunch lady told her not to eat any more mayo. But that lady recently quit, so Blondie attacked the mayo again yesterday.
Sometimes I want to just give in and believe it's a lost cause. Is anything we're doing getting through to her? Or are we just providing food and shelter until she's 18 and then she'll just go out on her own and return to her old way of life? It's very disheartening at times. But then sometimes she'll be honest about things, and she sees that she doesn't get in trouble, and I think that we've gotten past it, and then suddenly she does it again. This lying thing is a very hard thing to break, and so are food issues, and convincing her to wipe her bottom and wash her hair. I really think we've conquered the wiping thing, but you never know.
I still believe that we'll get through to her and that she'll have a good life, and that I won't regret this ten years from now, but it's hard when you're still in the trenches.
Bubbles is so much easier. She has problems too, but she's so much easier to redirect. I'm sure that it's because we got her at a younger age. So the human side of me wants to say, never adopt a child over six, but I know that's wrong. Every single child out there deserves another chance. You just have to be the right person in the right situation to do it. I'm thankful that we got Blondie and Bubbles and that their problems are no worse than they are. I just wish I had that magic pill to feed them that would make them listen to me and obey me. It's going to take lots of time, and I haven't always been a very patient person in some matters. I'm sure that's one of the lessons God is teaching me as I go through all this.
If you're a praying person, would you please pray for Blondie and Bubbles and Boaz and me? Pray that God would open their ears and eyes to the truth around them, and pray that God would give wisdom and discernment to Boaz and me as we parent them, and finally that He would help us all to grow in real love for each other. And if you don't mind, throw a prayer in there for Babygirl and Bucky too. It's hard on them too.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Successes and Trials
First the good news, and to me it is really, really good:
I took Blondie to the doctor today for a check up. As you may remember, she is on growth hormone shots. Well, she has grown an inch in three months. Hooray! She is now nine and a half years old, and is 46.5 inches tall. She only grew 1.5 centimeters from January to July, but then grew 3.3 centimeters from July to October. Since we started the shots in May, I'd say they are definitely working.
The bad news is that she is begging her friends for food at lunch time. I may have mentioned this last year, but I'm not going to go back and search my blogs to see. Anyway, her lunch companions complained about her last year and her teacher sent me a note. I send her plenty of good food that she says she likes, but she just can't seem to stop begging her friends. I was really hoping that it wouldn't be an issue this year.
We figured it out two ways. One is that her tummy is starting to round over again. Both girls were a bit chubby when they first moved in with us, and our social worker called it the "foster pudge" or something like that. Anyway, since moving in with us and getting off medication and tons of sweets, they have slimmed down and look really nice.
Now Blondie has gained four pounds in the six weeks since school started. Considering she only weighed 44 pounds to start with, that's a lot, and not a good thing if she keeps up this rate of weight gain. So I called her teacher and alerted her to the problem, hoping that she can encourage the other children to tell Blondie no when she begs for food. She just doesn't need it. Yes, she does have food issues, for good reason. It's a very difficult thing to help her with. She doesn't sneak any food at home or overeat at home. She's doing it all when I'm not around so it's impossible for me to control. Big sigh.
She's also been telling the boys at school that she "loves" them. The poor thing has been moved so much, and everyone says "I love you" until she has no idea what love even is. We asked her yesterday what love was, and she said it was when you hug and kiss someone. I asked her if that meant that if I went across the street and gave our neighbor a hug and kiss that would mean that I loved him? and she said yes, it did. Whoa. Boaz and I had a heart to heart talk with her and tried our best to explain that love comes from the heart and we don't just feel it for anyone and everyone. And that it has also probably made the little third grade boys at school uncomfortable when she was shouting "I love you" as they ignored her and walked away.
Sometimes I think this is bigger than I am. It's just hard. I don't know how to get through to her. It was so much easier with Babygirl. She believes what I tell her, takes it to heart and puts it into practice. Blondie doesn't believe what I say, or just doesn't care. I give her instructions, and then I think things are settled, because that's the way it always worked before. But then weeks later I find out she's doing the exact opposite of what I told her. Just like the shower gel in her hair. I don't know if she'll really stop following the boys saying "I love you" just because I told her it was a bad idea. I just don't know.
I care about her, I want the best for her, I love her, I want to help her. But it just won't work unless she cooperates. She has to make the decision whether to follow what I tell her or ignore it. I still think that time will make the difference and someday she'll probably trust me and listen to me. I'm just discouraged right now.
I took Blondie to the doctor today for a check up. As you may remember, she is on growth hormone shots. Well, she has grown an inch in three months. Hooray! She is now nine and a half years old, and is 46.5 inches tall. She only grew 1.5 centimeters from January to July, but then grew 3.3 centimeters from July to October. Since we started the shots in May, I'd say they are definitely working.
The bad news is that she is begging her friends for food at lunch time. I may have mentioned this last year, but I'm not going to go back and search my blogs to see. Anyway, her lunch companions complained about her last year and her teacher sent me a note. I send her plenty of good food that she says she likes, but she just can't seem to stop begging her friends. I was really hoping that it wouldn't be an issue this year.
We figured it out two ways. One is that her tummy is starting to round over again. Both girls were a bit chubby when they first moved in with us, and our social worker called it the "foster pudge" or something like that. Anyway, since moving in with us and getting off medication and tons of sweets, they have slimmed down and look really nice.
Now Blondie has gained four pounds in the six weeks since school started. Considering she only weighed 44 pounds to start with, that's a lot, and not a good thing if she keeps up this rate of weight gain. So I called her teacher and alerted her to the problem, hoping that she can encourage the other children to tell Blondie no when she begs for food. She just doesn't need it. Yes, she does have food issues, for good reason. It's a very difficult thing to help her with. She doesn't sneak any food at home or overeat at home. She's doing it all when I'm not around so it's impossible for me to control. Big sigh.
She's also been telling the boys at school that she "loves" them. The poor thing has been moved so much, and everyone says "I love you" until she has no idea what love even is. We asked her yesterday what love was, and she said it was when you hug and kiss someone. I asked her if that meant that if I went across the street and gave our neighbor a hug and kiss that would mean that I loved him? and she said yes, it did. Whoa. Boaz and I had a heart to heart talk with her and tried our best to explain that love comes from the heart and we don't just feel it for anyone and everyone. And that it has also probably made the little third grade boys at school uncomfortable when she was shouting "I love you" as they ignored her and walked away.
Sometimes I think this is bigger than I am. It's just hard. I don't know how to get through to her. It was so much easier with Babygirl. She believes what I tell her, takes it to heart and puts it into practice. Blondie doesn't believe what I say, or just doesn't care. I give her instructions, and then I think things are settled, because that's the way it always worked before. But then weeks later I find out she's doing the exact opposite of what I told her. Just like the shower gel in her hair. I don't know if she'll really stop following the boys saying "I love you" just because I told her it was a bad idea. I just don't know.
I care about her, I want the best for her, I love her, I want to help her. But it just won't work unless she cooperates. She has to make the decision whether to follow what I tell her or ignore it. I still think that time will make the difference and someday she'll probably trust me and listen to me. I'm just discouraged right now.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Sorry it's been so long...
We're just busy living.
I'm still a stay-at-home mom, although it feels like as busy as ever. The big, huge difference is that I'm happy. I'm very, very happy. I frequently call Boaz just to thank him for supporting my decision to stay home and take care of my family full time.
In the meantime, I've joined BSF, started volunteering at a local charity, and I'm now working part-time for my church (ten hours a week) doing the website. I love it. Being busy doing the things you love is a million times better than being busy doing something you hate. I don't care for being a part of corporate America. I'm really enjoying my freedom to choose what I do all day.
Typically I have Mondays and Fridays off (which means paying bills, cleaning house, making bread and soymilk). On Tuesdays I will be volunteering and having my weekly work meeting at the church. On Wednesdays I have BSF, followed by lunch with friends, followed by my weekly grocery shopping. On Thursdays I have a bible study time on the phone with my best friend at 1pm, and I'm trying to get a little coffee time going with my cousin who lives close by on Thursday mornings.
Mornings and evenings are crazy. I get up, make four breakfasts and four lunches and pick out clothes and keep kids moving until they are out the door an hour later. My oldest leaves an hour after the three younger ones, but she is responsible enough to get herself out the door.
The evenings are so busy. I'm making dinner when the three youngest get home, and then it's chaos and homework and everyone telling me about their day. Then usually someone has to be taken somewhere, sometimes more than one trip to town. One evening I actually have to drive into town FIVE times taking people here and there.
But I love it.
Boaz works long hours and is suffering from allergies right now. He's tired a lot, and only has a couple of hours with us in the evenings before heading for bed. So the majority of the homework help and running around falls to me. But hey, I volunteered for this and I'm totally in my element. It's like it's what I was born to do. It feels so RIGHT.
We are all adjusting well to being a family. There's still lots of room for improvement, but then, any situation is like that. My little ones seem just like regular kids, as far as their behavior goes. They have come so far in the eleven months we've had them. People comment to me on how much the girls have changed since they came to live with us. One woman who is about to adopt three said she was greatly encouraged by watching my two over the past year, and thinking that if I can do that much with a couple of kids, she can too. You know, that it's possible and all that.
My greatest desire at this point is still about the bonding. I don't know how long that will take. I wish that the major deep feelings were there on both sides, but right now it's still more like they are really good friends who live with us, rather than our actual children. Kind of like cherished nieces and nephews or something, but maybe not even as close as that. We are friendly and affectionate to each other, but it's not really deep yet. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it happen, but we won't be able to be close until they choose to let me be close to them. I can tell that they really still don't trust me yet, and until they do things probably won't change. It just all takes time. There were let down in such an immense way by their birth parents, that I'm sure it will take a very long time for them to truly realize that we are different.
Anyway, we're doing well, and I thought I'd let you know.
I'm still a stay-at-home mom, although it feels like as busy as ever. The big, huge difference is that I'm happy. I'm very, very happy. I frequently call Boaz just to thank him for supporting my decision to stay home and take care of my family full time.
In the meantime, I've joined BSF, started volunteering at a local charity, and I'm now working part-time for my church (ten hours a week) doing the website. I love it. Being busy doing the things you love is a million times better than being busy doing something you hate. I don't care for being a part of corporate America. I'm really enjoying my freedom to choose what I do all day.
Typically I have Mondays and Fridays off (which means paying bills, cleaning house, making bread and soymilk). On Tuesdays I will be volunteering and having my weekly work meeting at the church. On Wednesdays I have BSF, followed by lunch with friends, followed by my weekly grocery shopping. On Thursdays I have a bible study time on the phone with my best friend at 1pm, and I'm trying to get a little coffee time going with my cousin who lives close by on Thursday mornings.
Mornings and evenings are crazy. I get up, make four breakfasts and four lunches and pick out clothes and keep kids moving until they are out the door an hour later. My oldest leaves an hour after the three younger ones, but she is responsible enough to get herself out the door.
The evenings are so busy. I'm making dinner when the three youngest get home, and then it's chaos and homework and everyone telling me about their day. Then usually someone has to be taken somewhere, sometimes more than one trip to town. One evening I actually have to drive into town FIVE times taking people here and there.
But I love it.
Boaz works long hours and is suffering from allergies right now. He's tired a lot, and only has a couple of hours with us in the evenings before heading for bed. So the majority of the homework help and running around falls to me. But hey, I volunteered for this and I'm totally in my element. It's like it's what I was born to do. It feels so RIGHT.
We are all adjusting well to being a family. There's still lots of room for improvement, but then, any situation is like that. My little ones seem just like regular kids, as far as their behavior goes. They have come so far in the eleven months we've had them. People comment to me on how much the girls have changed since they came to live with us. One woman who is about to adopt three said she was greatly encouraged by watching my two over the past year, and thinking that if I can do that much with a couple of kids, she can too. You know, that it's possible and all that.
My greatest desire at this point is still about the bonding. I don't know how long that will take. I wish that the major deep feelings were there on both sides, but right now it's still more like they are really good friends who live with us, rather than our actual children. Kind of like cherished nieces and nephews or something, but maybe not even as close as that. We are friendly and affectionate to each other, but it's not really deep yet. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it happen, but we won't be able to be close until they choose to let me be close to them. I can tell that they really still don't trust me yet, and until they do things probably won't change. It just all takes time. There were let down in such an immense way by their birth parents, that I'm sure it will take a very long time for them to truly realize that we are different.
Anyway, we're doing well, and I thought I'd let you know.
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