Report Card

My son brought home his report card yesterday. But before I tell you how he did, let me tell you this - the kid is a genius. He's smarter than either of his parents. He can outwit and out-argue almost anyone. He has certainly stretched all my natural parenting abilities to their very limits.

This year he was very excited that he got into the gifted and talented (GT) program. He was tested for it the year before, but he decided the test was too hard and didn't try. At the end of last year he really wanted to be in GT so he put in the extra effort and passed the test. He has loved being in it so far. They have them do creative exercises and work puzzles and he's having a great time.

So yesterday he brought home 2 A's, 1 low B and 2 high C's. It's ridiculous. I found out that he was tested four times over a book he didn't read, and that he was supposed to read other books for points. I'm sure that he purposely didn't let me know.

At their school, they do all their work there and don't bring any books home. They have classroom sets of books. This severely limits me as a parent to know what material he is working on that I might be able to help him with. They do send home a schedule each week that I have to sign, but listed on it are things like "Complete Worksheet A". That really doesn't give me enough to work with!

So! He's grounded. He's lost all his privileges to all electronics (Computer, Gameboy, Gamecube) and we took the TV out of his room. He's also grounded from being in the boy band they started. He will read for 15 minutes at home every day, and he will tell me what they are working on in school so I can make sure he understands the concepts. He admitted that he had not been doing his best, and also that he had been confused about some things and not asked for help.

I know that right now you are thinking I'm a pretty harsh parent. But I know my son, and I know he can do better. It takes pretty big consequences to get through to him. And I want him to understand early in life that SCHOOL MATTERS. If he blows it off, he'll never be able to be an architect, or a lawyer, or an engineer, or whatever he wants to be this week, because he won't be able to get into college.

If he brings up his grades to straight As by the three weeks progress report, he gets to choose one item to have back. He gets it all back with a report card in six weeks that has straight As, and I may relent if there is nothing lower than high Bs.

I never compare my kids in front of them, but just between us, Daughter is so much easier. That kids works herself to a nub. She is very responsible and does everything she is told to do. I'm sure it has something to do with being the oldest and that we are harder on her. So I feel like I really need to knuckle down on him now before it is too late.

Also, I'm concerned that they will kick him out of GT. He is really enjoying it and I think there is value in it. On the other hand, I may pull him out of it myself if he can't keep up his grades.

So for all you parents-to-be who read my blog, welcome to one of the joys of parenting. Second-guessing yourself. Am I being too hard on him? Have I been too easy on him? Is this my fault? Am I expecting too much? Have I not paid enough attention???? And so it goes.

Sleep Walker

Since I don't have any adoption news, I thought you might enjoy a story about sleepwalking. My husband is notorious for doing crazy things while asleep.

Last night, he suddenly raised up and ran off the end of the bed. This happened once last week too. He then proceeded to shake and choke the post on his side. I woke up startled and told him to "stop, wake up". He moved to my post and began to choke and shake it even more vigorously than the first. Again I ordered him to stop it and wake up, and he finally started to come out of it. So we went back to sleep.

But then later he sat up in bed and pressed a hand down on my back. I told him to wake up and stop it, "don't hurt me". I didn't really think he would hurt me because this is a common thing for him, but I was trying to use the words to startle him enough to wake up. He told me that I should go sleep in another room. But I didn't and we made it safely through the rest of the night.

He has severe ragweed allergies, and is on both Claritin-D and Benadryl to control the symptoms. We are thinking this might have caused the bizarre sleepwalking last night. He's had problems with it before, but we've been able to control it with reduced stress and a regular bedtime schedule.

Nighty-night!

Finally, Some News

I talked to Agency Worker on Friday. She got in touch with the girls' worker's supervisor, who told her that the girls are definitely available for adoption, and they are accepting home studies for them. They aren't advertising to families yet because there is a national adoption day in November that they are putting all their efforts toward right now.

So we will finish our training on Saturday, and our home study will be submitted. Then, CPS will advertise the girls at some point, and other couples will also send in their home studies. THEN, CPS will select 4 or 5 of the best matches for the staffing. THEN Agency Worker will attend the staffing and try to convince CPS that we are the best family for the girls.

She thought that the soonest we might get them would be around Christmas or New Years, and that's only IF we get them.

SIGH. I was glad to get news, but I'm going to be pretty disappointed if we waited all this time for these girls and then we don't get them and have to start over. We could have already had kids by now.

Still, God knows what he's up to, even if I don't, and maybe if I don't get the girls there was a reason he wanted me to wait. Maybe my kids weren't ready yet. I don't know.

I just can't think about it any more right now.

Waiters' Anonymous

Hear ye, hear ye, this meeting of Waiters' Anonymous is now in session.

Who'd like to go first?

Okay, I'll go. It all started about a year ago. I started getting the urge to have more children. I didn't know whether I wanted to have my husband have a little reversal surgery or whether we should forego that and adopt. We checked into all our options. Reversal is expensive and babies are quite a handful. A baby at this point in our lives would turn us upside down. We decided in January to pursue adoption. In February we attended our first CPS meeting. In March we made the final decision that we absolutely positively knew this was what we wanted to do.

We began training in May, and from there things went nuts. I was bound and determined to get everything done as quickly as possible so that we could get our kids before school started. Shortly after that we found out DH was going to Israel for three weeks, so we went into super-sonic speed. Well, at least I did. DH kept asking me why I was in such a hurry, and telling me that it would all work out the way God wanted it to.

Then we heard about two little girls, and that they were going for termination in July. I was told that after termination the girls could move in with me almost right away. Ha.

Since DH has been home from Israel, things have been going at a snail's pace. The only bright spot, a wonderful beautiful bright spot, was that we got to meet the girls. But that's it. I have no news about them, no word from CPS, no indication at all of when or if we'll be able to adopt them. The only thing left for us to do is finish one day of training. We actually "finished" in May, but because one of the girls is listed as moderate, we had to do extra training.

So that's my story. I'm doing okay, as long as I don't think about it. But talking about it has brought it all back up....and I'm feeling a bit anguished.

So......who's next?

Still Nothing...

...but yet, life goes on.

Joey the cat got well, but evidently he had the kitty flu, because Gabriel caught it. Now Gabriel is a much different animal than Joey. Joey is a sweet natured kitty who took his medicine nicely and loved his laxative. He was nice to the vet and let them do whatever they needed to do.

Not so with Gabriel. Gabriel is his mommy's boy (me) and no one else's. So last week we found out why this is a blessing, and also a curse. He wouldn't let the vet come anywhere near him. He hissed and bared his fangs and deployed his claws. You have to be very brave to dive into a mad, cornered cat and the vet wasn't.

So his terrible temper saved us some money! No expensive x-rays or bloodwork or overnight stays were done. Just an antibiotic and a limited office visit and we were out of there. Unfortunately we had to force water down his throat at home in order to keep him hydrated, and he didn't like that at all. But he let me do it, and he's feeling much better now.

And yesterday was a big day! We had a furniture delivery! Guess what we got!!! Yep, a bunkbed. It's all set up in the spare bedroom, and I even bought sheets for it yesterday. I still have to clean out the closet and get the filing cabinet out of that room, but we are so much closer.

Unfortunately, there is no news about the girls. But someday, no matter how long it takes, there will be children sleeping in that bunkbed. Last night I opened the door just to look at it again. I imagined what the room will be like when it is filled with little voices.

I think I'm finally at peace with the wait. My emotions are at rest. I know that we'll get our children someday, and we're praying for them every night in the meantime.

Disgusted with the Whole Thing

We went to medication training last night, which was fine, other than we got home late and we're tired today. All we have left now is the all day training on October 1.

Still no news. There's nothing I can do about it. Just waiting. And waiting.

Nothing to do in the meantime but wait, with no end in sight. I know that once it starts it will probably happen quickly, but there's no hint of when that will be. I don't even know if the girls made it into the adoption class.

Sigh.

So I'm focusing on Daughter and Son. They've both requested to spend some quality time alone with me the last couple of days, so I'm trying to figure out when to do that. Our weeknights are so busy with their schedules, so I'm hoping for some time on Saturday.

That's all I have for now.

I'm Selfish

I just talked to Agency Worker. I needed to call her to ask about storing household cleaners. We have to lock up all the medicine and the gasoline, but I was originally told that the cleaners could be up on a high shelf. Another time she mentioned that the cleaners might need to be locked up too. So I called her to clarify. It turns out the cleaners need to be locked up too.

This won't be easy. My kitchen cabinets don't really lend themselves to adding a lock. We're going to have to get creative. I asked her what if I get rid of all my cleaners and only use natural cleaners that aren't poisonous. Would those have to be locked up? She is supposed to get back with me. She said there may be a special "latch" I can use, but it has to be approved for up to the age of the oldest foster child.

Of course, the conversation turned to the girls. She doesn't have anything new to tell me. She did say that the parents have 30 days to appeal after the judge signs the official order terminating their parental rights, which could be up to a month after the hearing. The hearing was on July 11. So some time around now, their right to appeal should be expired, if it isn't already.

I told Agency Worker that it's hard to wait, and it seems like CPS has forgotten about my girls. She told me that it does seem that way with lots of kids. She said the reason is that there are so many children still being abused in their homes, and not enough workers, so that when kids are safely in foster care and no longer in danger, they become "back-burner" kids.

That is hard for me to hear. Especially because it creates a dilemma for me. If I was a CPS worker with too many cases and not enough time, I would prioritize the kids in the most danger too. I can totally understand that. But now I feel even more sad.

There are so many people out there waiting for children, wanting them desperately. And there are so many kids out there in foster care, waiting to go to permanent homes. But because there are so many abusive parents, there isn't enough time to match up the kids with the parents who want them.

And then of course there is that "elephant in the room" we don't want to talk about, which is this - if there weren't any abusive parents, none of us waiting adoptive parents in the foster-to-adopt world would have anything to wait for.

Why I'm Frustrated

Just little things like this:

Email from me to Agency Worker: "I was wondering if you were able to get the girls enrolled in the adoption course, and if you ever got in touch with their CPS worker."

Email from Agency Worker to me: "The family developer working with Foster Mom's home is working on the adoption prep classes. As of Tuesday she had not heard from the girls’ worker."

Will this adoption ever happen? Will anything ever happen?

I'm tired of no news.

But.....a major hallelujah last night all because of cat poop. Even after an overnight stay in the hospital and a couple of enemas, Joey wouldn't GO. He was still acting sick all day yesterday. So on top of attending a funeral we were worried about our cat. Last night I went back to the pet hospital to pick up a laxative. I gave it to him and then took him straight to the litter box and voila! Cat poop! I was never so excited in my life to see feces. Crazy, huh? The laxative actually takes 8-10 hours to take effect, so he would have gone either way, but we didn't know that.

Anyway, the important thing is that he is okay and my poor tattered wallet is safe for the moment from astronomical pet bills. I hope. Otherwise my marriage may be in jeopardy. (Not really, but he did have a fit.)

Joey, The Six Hundred & Seventy Dollar Cat

Yesterday, my daughter's 5 month old kitten Joey just laid around on the couch and slept most of the day. We thought it was strange, because normally he is a ball of energy zooming through the house, tripping people and driving my cat Gabriel crazy. So we took him up to her room to see if he would eat and drink. He wasn't interested, and he looked like he was drugged.

So I called the emergency vet clinic. They asked about poisons and cleaners he might have gotten into, but we haven't been cleaning, and he's an indoor only cat. The only thing I could think of is that he had his first kitty shots last Wednesday, along with being neutered. I was sure he was having a reaction to the shots. The technician recommended that we bring him in.

I waited about three minutes, trying to decide, because I know how expensive a trip to the emergency vet clinic is. We've gone twice before, once with a snake bitten dog, and once with a dying guinea pig. I don't have good memories of the place. Then Daughter came downstairs holding Joey and sat down on the couch. He crawled off the couch and fell on the floor then just lay stunned where he fell with one front leg just sticking up in the air. That image stirred me right out of my chair, and Daughter & I hurriedly bundled Joey into the car and took off.

When we got there, we found out that he was running fever and badly constipated. The doctor said that he was teething, so that maybe he didn't want to drink any water. She didn't think his immunizations were causing the problem. We really don't know what caused him to get constipated. But she recommended antibiotics and an enema, along with an overnight stay. Bill - $670.13.

No cat is worth $670.13. But Daughter is. There is no way I could refuse to pay that bill, and let that kitten die, and see my daughter crushed before my eyes. She loves that kitten. He sleeps on her bed with her, and lives in her room. I prayed for that cat all the way to the clinic. But not really for the cat, just for my daughter, because I don't want her to experience the hurt of losing this kitten. I love the kitten too, and putting a price on life is just impossible.

I called the clinic this morning, and his fever is down and he's eating again. Praise the Lord. We are all very relieved, and are supposed to be able to bring him home tonight.

P.S. That's not a picture of Joey, but it looks very much like him.

Home Study Approved

"The license is in the mail" said Agency Worker. Yea!

I talked to her this morning, and she said that she has requested that the girls be put into an adoption course. It is for six weeks and starts next Friday. I really hope they can get into it. I think it is designed to help the kids understand and accept that they will be adopted, and what that means.

Other than that, no other news. She still hasn't heard from their caseworker at CPS.