Almost a Year

I think that my little ones are having some sort of emotional reaction to the fact that we are coming up on their one year anniversary of living with us. Both have started misbehaving more than usual. More disobedience, more lying. Or are we just catching them more? I don't know, but suddenly things seem harder in the last couple of weeks. Maybe it's because we are starting to form real attachments and it's scary for them. Or maybe THAT's just my wishful thinking.

I can feel myself starting to think they are cuter, and starting to feel warmer toward them. It's amazing the cycle of emotions I have gone through. When they first came and we were honeymooning, I was crazy about them. I was fiercely protective and 110% of my attention was focused on their every need. As that began to wear off, I became weary of them and their behavior. I could tell that all their attention toward me was fake, and a lot of mine toward them was too.

Then I started to get really disgusted with myself, because really, if I can't love them the way no one ever truly has, and be the mom that they really need, then who will? So I've kept praying and trying, and my feelings for them are growing daily.

Blondie doesn't like to wash her hair. We had a big issue over this a couple of weeks ago, where I could tell her hair was still dirty and it didn't smell like the watermelon shampoo that she uses. So she started telling me that she just didn't get all the shampoo out, as usual, but finally I was catching on. The kid hasn't been washing her hair very often. So then she tried to tell me that she didn't use enough shampoo, only a pea sized drop. I told her that trying to say she used a tiny amount was no better than just not doing it, and to quit trying to wiggle out of it. She kept it up for 15 to 20 minutes before she finally admitted the truth. She got spanked and sent to bed early that night, and I thought that would be the end of it.

But no, on Sunday morning, she decided again not to wash her hair. As I was drying it, I noticed that it was limp and lifeless and just stuck to her head. I smelled it and it was stinky. So I got down on eye level with her and asked her if there was anything she needed to tell me. She immediately confessed that she hadn't washed her hair.

After church Boaz decided that he would help Blondie want to wash her hair. HE washed it. Having Daddy wash her hair was none too pleasant, so hopefully Blondie has changed her mind and will wash it on her own from now on. It did smell fresh and watermelon-y this morning.

Then later in the day when she was loading the dishwasher, she broke a glass. Now this is not a problem, because accidents happen. In fact, she has broken a glass before and didn't get into trouble. So she should have known it would be okay. But instead of telling me, she tried to pick up all the broken glass and hide it in the trashcan. I found out later it was because she had been trying to force it into a space that was too small and it broke. We had a serious discussion with her about how dangerous it is to touch broken glass, and that she might not have found it all and someone else could get hurt too, and that an adult is really needed when glass gets broken in the house. Then we sent her to her room for a while, and when I was finishing loading the dishwasher I found more glass in there. SIGH.

Bubbles got in trouble too because she saw Blondie break the glass and didn't tell anyone. Then yesterday Bubbles came home and let me know that Blondie is eating mayonnaise packets at school. Evidently she ate so many at one point that the lunch lady told her not to eat any more mayo. But that lady recently quit, so Blondie attacked the mayo again yesterday.

Sometimes I want to just give in and believe it's a lost cause. Is anything we're doing getting through to her? Or are we just providing food and shelter until she's 18 and then she'll just go out on her own and return to her old way of life? It's very disheartening at times. But then sometimes she'll be honest about things, and she sees that she doesn't get in trouble, and I think that we've gotten past it, and then suddenly she does it again. This lying thing is a very hard thing to break, and so are food issues, and convincing her to wipe her bottom and wash her hair. I really think we've conquered the wiping thing, but you never know.

I still believe that we'll get through to her and that she'll have a good life, and that I won't regret this ten years from now, but it's hard when you're still in the trenches.

Bubbles is so much easier. She has problems too, but she's so much easier to redirect. I'm sure that it's because we got her at a younger age. So the human side of me wants to say, never adopt a child over six, but I know that's wrong. Every single child out there deserves another chance. You just have to be the right person in the right situation to do it. I'm thankful that we got Blondie and Bubbles and that their problems are no worse than they are. I just wish I had that magic pill to feed them that would make them listen to me and obey me. It's going to take lots of time, and I haven't always been a very patient person in some matters. I'm sure that's one of the lessons God is teaching me as I go through all this.

If you're a praying person, would you please pray for Blondie and Bubbles and Boaz and me? Pray that God would open their ears and eyes to the truth around them, and pray that God would give wisdom and discernment to Boaz and me as we parent them, and finally that He would help us all to grow in real love for each other. And if you don't mind, throw a prayer in there for Babygirl and Bucky too. It's hard on them too.