Four Weeks

How do I describe what it's like after four weeks of being a mother to two kids that I didn't give birth to?

We love them. It's still not the same closeness I have with D1 and Son. I hope that will come in time. But I love them. It feels right, and it feels like they are mine. They belong with me.

D3 is bubbly, sweet and affectionate. She wants to please, she wants to learn, she wants to be good. She pays attention when I teach her and gets so excited when she learns something new. She is very sensitive, and when she cries, she cries silently with huge tears rolling down her face. When she gives a hug she throws herself into it and wants a kiss too. She's just a precious six year old girl.

D2 is more difficult. She is attention-starved. She talks constantly, mostly about nothing. She lies to us almost every other sentence out of her mouth. The first couple of weeks she told huge whoppers, such as that she is a black belt in karate, and that she put up at swing set at the age of six almost entirely on her own. In response to those, we made up a silly game in which all of us started making extravagant claims about our accomplishments. "I've walked on the sun!" "I built this house yesterday!" "Christmas was MY idea!" Even D2 joins in. Since that time, she hasn't told as many. It's still a fun game to play though.

D2 is harder to love. She's more difficult and not as affectionate. However, she does desperately want to be loved and wants attention. She just goes about it in the wrong way. She makes herself extremely annoying by pestering, talking in a baby voice and being bossy. We've really got a lot of work to do with her. But we love her. She is ours. DH really has a way with her too. Last night she got in trouble because she disobeyed us. DH sat down with her and told her how upset he was that she disobeyed, but even while upset, he repeated to her how much he loves her and wants what is best for her. He told her that he will always love her no matter what she does, but that she has to obey us. He told her that her birth parents didn't care enough about her to give up the alcohol and drugs, but that she has parents now who care about her and will take care of her. (I know he isn't supposed to say that, but I wasn't there and ... oh, well.)

She cried and got a time out for being disobedient. She also lost the rest of this week's allowance. I know it is going to take a lot of time for her to learn better habits. I think that she has faced more difficulty in the past than D3 has. My heart goes out to her for the things I know and the things I don't know, that have shaped her into who she is. I just want to help her.

DH told her last night that he knows some bad things happened to her in the past and we can't change the past, but the decisions she makes today will shape her future, and she does have control over that. Have I mentioned that my respect for my husband over the past four weeks has increased about 5000%? I've seen a side of him I never knew was there. He truly loves and cares about these little girls. It's funny because I was the one going whole-heartedly into this in the beginning, but they stole his heart before mine, I think.

Son is going back and forth on which one he likes best. I told him he doesn't have to have a favorite. He is still jealous of D3, but D3 has been getting on his nerves, so sometimes he prefers one and then the other. D1 is tolerating both of them, and I can't tell if she has a favorite. I don't think that having little sisters has been as wonderful as she dreamed in the beginning. But I still know we are doing the right thing. My children will grow as they learn to share and give to each other.

Next week I'm taking D2 to the doctor because she is tiny for her age (her six year old sister is 3-4 inches taller) and also because she can't breathe through her nose. It breaks my heart to think we might be too late in helping her to grow, due to her being in foster care at the time it might have been corrected. Please pray with me that it's not too late and we can help her grow to some sort of normal size. And also pray that we can help her emotionally and be the parents she needs. Pray that God will guide us as we teach her to be truthful, obedient and pleasant to be around.