Doing Better

Babygirl is pretty much well now except for her sore throat. She probably could have gone back to school today, but after missing all week I told her it would be okay to take one more day to rest and recuperate. I called the school this morning and hopefully I'll be able to get some of her work from her teachers so she can start getting caught up this weekend.

Blondie caused a problem on the bus this week, but we didn't find out until Bubbles told us last night. Blondie is supposed to sit at the front of the bus with the younger kids, but her friend Curlie told her it would be okay to sit in the back. Mr. Busdriver told Blondie to come up to the front of the bus four or five times, and she continued to ignore him. Finally he stopped the bus at the side of the road and stood up to come get her, and she decided it was time to do as he asked. For that she was made to go to bed early last night and she will again tonight.

Unfortunately, I fear that the only reason Bubbles told us is because Blondie told on her yesterday too. When Bubbles told us the story, I asked Blondie if what Bubbles was saying was true. She said it wasn't true. So I asked her if she was saying that Bubbles was making up a terrible lie about her, and she told me that yes, Bubbles was making up a terrible lie. So then I asked her if she had sat in the back of the bus, and she said that yes, she did, but she didn't remember anything about Mr. Busdriver telling her to come forward or stopping the bus. I told Blondie that this one would be easy to solve, because I would just call Mr. Busdriver myself today and ask him about it. I also told her that it would be much better to tell the truth now than to wait and let us hear it from Mr. Busdriver. At that point she confessed everything, that the whole story was true. I told her that I was proud of her for telling the truth and that we would respect her more for telling the truth than for lying.

I'm really working hard on having not much if any reaction to their poor behavior, and just delivering the consequences that we feel fit their behavior as best we can. I don't really have any appropriate consequences for bus riding, so going to bed early was the best I could do. She really hates that the most.

Bubbles ran off from her afterschool teacher again yesterday, and pulled Blondie along with her. Blondie was protesting and didn't want to go, but Bubbles was insistent and pulling on her arm. The afterschool teacher wrote a letter and sent it home with Blondie, who didn't give it to me until after Bubbles told on her for her misbehavior on the bus. We had already heard the story as soon as they got home but we had not seen the note. The teacher just told me that she was trying to use time out on the girls at school like we had discussed, but she wanted to let me know what happened.

I told Bubbles that it is very important that she stay with the adults that I leave in charge of her. They can't take care of her if they don't know where she is because she runs off. I told her that I want to know that she is safe and taken care of, and that is impossible if she keeps running off. I kind of saw the lightbulb go off when I explained it to her, but we'll have to see over time if it makes a difference. Mostly she just takes off to get a drink or go to the restroom, but she is supposed to ask permission first so the teacher willl know where she is. Both girls are guilty of this behavior.

Really the biggest problem we have with them right now is that they don't obey the authority figures outside our home. We don't have a problem with them at home, but so far they have disobeyed their teachers at school, Mr. Busdriver, the teachers at church and my mom and dad. My mom and dad didn't provide any consequences if they didn't behave themselves. I had discussed the use of time out with my mom, but they only threatened them but didn't enforce it. So the girls did whatever they wanted, which included yelling and running all over the house and refusing to come when called, etc. Mom and Dad are reluctant to watch them again, but I only partly blame the girls. No one changes without consequences, be they good or bad ones.

So much for getting any time alone with Boaz. I was really hoping that Mom and Dad would be able to provide some babysitting so we could get some date nights. Now I don't know. At least for a while we'll probably have to continue to rough it.

The girls really aren't that bad, it's just that they test all their limits. They respond well to time out but we can't be there with them at school/church/on the bus/at Grandma's house to make sure they mind. They've been doing better in their actual classroom because they know we check their folders everyday. I really think it will just take time and training to help them be obedient wherever they go. They've developed these bad habits over a long period of time and it's going to take a long time to make them go away.

All in all I feel very blessed with them. We were warned of so many scary things that can be present in foster kids, and I feel that we got the cream of the crop with these girls. They don't shout at us, cuss, throw things or tantrum. They are just doing everything that normal children do, except all at once.