Adopted

The adoption went off without a hitch. In fact, we were the first in line at 1pm. I'm going to break my privacy streak and post some pictures. These will be removed in a day or two so be sure to comment and let me know when you've seen them. I want to be sure that my longtime blog friends have had a chance to see how beautiful my children looked.

Here is a picture of the courthouse that I took while we were waiting to get started:

And here is a picture of my beautiful children:

And here is one of me fighting back tears as we stand before the judge promising to be legally and morally responsible for our new daughters:
And here is one with the judge, our first as a "forever family":

And finally, here is the one that I plan to put in the engraved frame that our social worker so kindly gifted me with after the proceedings:

Note: Pictures have been removed to preserve our privacy. If you wish to see the pictures, leave your email address on the comments and I might send some to you. ;)

Adoption Day Prep

We've had a good morning so far. Because it's adoption day, I let the girls stay home from school today. Babygirl and Bucky both went to school for half days because they have test preparations for the end of school and for fun day. I didn't have to make any lunches because we are heading to Cici's to celebrate after the adoption is final. Then Bucky has a slumber party tonight. We almost didn't let him go, but then he probably would have been moping around all night, and that wouldn't be a very good start for us as a family, with him being resentful and Blondie and Bubbles seeing how clearly unhappy he was.

This morning when I woke up the girls, Blondie tattled on Bubbles. Bubbles lied. I took her in another room instead of making a big ordeal of it in front of everyone. I explained to her that when people lie to each other, they build a wall between them that is full of lies. I told her that when she lies to me it proves to me that she doesn't trust me, and it also proves to me that I can't trust her. I told her that wasn't a good way to start out our adoption day. She immediately confessed. I think that is showing improvement. When she got up on Mother's Day, she told me that she was going to break the bad streak and be good all day for me, and she did. She hasn't done anything blogworthy since. :) Blondie had a bad day on Monday, and her teacher wrote a whole book about it in her folder. She had to write sentences and go to bed early that night, and she's had several little outbursts this week, but all in all nothing terrible.

Bucky woke up quiet and staring out the window several times this morning. I spoke to him a couple of times and he didn't respond until I repeated myself. I could tell something was wrong. He didn't want to tell me. I took him in another room and pressed the issue. He said he didn't want to talk about it. I asked him if something had happened the night before, because he talks on the phone to his friends a lot at night. I was having trouble figuring him out, because usually he is bouncing off the walls when he is headed to a slumber party. Then it struck me. Today is adoption day, and maybe that was bothering him. When he came down the stairs, I was seated between Blondie and Bubbles having breakfast, and he always wants to sit next to me at the table. Normally I don't even eat breakfast, but since today is a special day I was making the effort and I'm sure he noticed.

Anyway, he admitted that he was upset because of adoption day. I had mixed feelings. I want him to welcome the girls with open arms, but clearly that is not what he is feeling today. My heart also went out to him because I know it is hard to go from being the baby of the family for twelve years to having two troublesome little sisters. Babygirl and Bucky have both remarked that they don't even like coming home anymore because the girls cause so much trouble.

I reassured Bucky that we will always love him just as much as we always have, and that he isn't losing anything. In fact I have more time to spend with him now than I ever have since I've been staying home. I told him that if we hadn't adopted the girls I'd still be working and he'd still have a lot less time with me than he does now.

After we talked he perked up. I asked him to please keep any gloominess to himself for the sake of the girls, because they just don't need to see that. He said that of course he would.

Blondie and Bubbles and I have been getting ready to go see the judge. We're freshly showered, hair dried, and toenails and fingernails painted this morning. I'm getting ready now and I'm going to curl the girls' hair when I'm finished. The camera battery is charging and the girls are playing Mario Kart on the Gamecube.

Boaz went to work this morning and is going to meet us at the courthouse. It's gonna be a great day.

Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles

Today she took my flylady timer (www.flylady.net) and buried it in a bucket of compost to be used on the garden. I saw it when I dumped the bucket in the cucumber patch. As I cleaned the dirt off of it, I asked her why she did it, and she said she had just wanted to play with it.

I think she's having some issues with the adoption right around the corner. I've heard that kids will frequently act out right before the finalization because they want you to prove that no matter how bad they act, you still love them and want them.

I talked to her and told her the very same (that I love her and she is my daughter forever no matter what), and then she had to write sentences and go to bed early. I really hope she straightens up soon.

Why Oh Why

Bubbles had just finished her sentences last night. She was helping put away clothes and we were having a great time. We were getting dinner ready, and planning to play Mario Cart and do some bible drills after supper. Blondie was working to finish her sentences so she could participate too.

Bubbles was playing with a little doll toy, and I asked her to go put it away in her room. Then as she was putting away some clothes, I felt the urge to go and check her folder. When I looked in her backpack, I found the little doll toy I'd asked her to put away not five minutes ago. The problem with it being in her backpack is twofold. First of all, I asked her to put it away in her room and she didn't do it. Secondly, and more important, she was grounded from taking any toys to school for the rest of the year because she gets in trouble at school with the toys she brings.

I decided to give her a chance to tell the truth. I called her to come to me, and I pointedly asked her what she did with the little doll. She told me that she put it away. I asked her where, and she said she took it upstairs and put it in her room. I pressed for more details and she said she put it under her bed. Her backpack was downstairs.

So then I asked her how it got in her backpack if she took it upstairs and put it under her bed in her room. She said, "Oh.....um.....well, I think I meant to put it on the floor." Then she said, "Well, I thought I put it in my room" and then "I was trying to put it on the floor". Finally after I continued to press her, she told me that she put it in her backpack because she was trying to sneak it to school, which of course I already knew.

Ironically, our church is working on obedience for the theme of the month. I'm really glad, because we really need it! Bubbles had to have a sandwich and go to bed early for that outright disobedience.

Fast forward to this morning. I went upstairs to wake up the girls and choose their clothes for the day. Blondie's shirt had been crammed between the clothes with no hanger, on her side of the closet. I questioned Blondie about it and I could tell that she was genuinely puzzled, or at least it really seemed like she was. However, both girls lie to me every day, so it can be really hard to tell. I looked over at Bubbles where she was waiting and she looked me right in the eye with a very serious face and said she didn't do it. Something on her face told me she was lying, but I couldn't be completely sure.

Today was field day at school. I told the girls that whoever put the shirt in the closet that way just needed to tell me so that we could move on about our day. However, we were going to stand there until they told me. Blondie started to cry and kept protesting her innocence. Bubbles stood quietly with no expression and never said a word. I told the girls that time was passing and that we needed to have breakfast and baths and wouldn't have time for everything if we didn't get past this. I told them if we kept it up, we would even miss field day. We continued to stand there for ten minutes or so, with me explaining that it was just a shirt that wasn't hung up in the closet, and that there was nothing to fear from me. Finally, I decided to take it downstairs. We went down in the kitchen and I started making lunches for my kids. After a full twenty minutes or so, Bubbles finally confessed. She told me that she had taken Blondie's shirt off the hanger, and stuck it back in the clothes in order to get Blondie in trouble.

I immediately released Blondie so that she could run up and get a shower before school. I had a long discussion with Bubbles about her choices, and the consequences of her choices.

It is so disappointing to see a child already in trouble not learning from her consequences, and just continuing to do things that will get her in more trouble. She's such a sweet little girl, very loving and happy, but she really has trouble with obedience. And now, sadly, I am aware that she is willing to sabottage her sister.

I just feel so defeated sometimes. What does it take to get her to understand that her life will be so much easier and better when she stops fighting us?

Just Ten More Days

You would think that after nearly six months in our home the girls would truly feel like ours. In a way they do, but the fact is that they still belong to the state of Texas right now. We're still being watched to make sure we are taking good care of them, and still being told what we can and can't do in regard to them. It didn't bother me as much in the beginning, but as time goes on and we have really begun to bond as a family, I just want the state out of our lives.

For instance, I haven't taken the girls to therapy since I've had them. I really intended to in the beginning. I even made the appointment. But then because of some weird state laws, we didn't have their Medicaid coverage for the month of December and their therapist didn't accept our regular insurance. So I decided to wait until January. But then we were busy and the girls were doing fine and not having any serious issues. It just wasn't a top priority. I kept meaning to do it and just didn't. So then somehow we got all the way to April getting gentle reminders from our social worker that a visit to the therapist might be helpful (not because she saw any behaviors that worried her, but just because ALL foster kids need constant therapy in her opinion). Finally it came down to the last visit in our home, and I still hadn't taken the girls to see their therapist. After all this time of doing well and not seeing any issues or behaviors that needed addressing, I had pretty much decided that taking them to therapy was unnecessary.

But our social worker disagreed. She called me the next day and said that she had discussed it with her supervisor and they both insisted that I get the girls to therapy before the adoption. That put a little bee in my bonnet. Not because I'm deadset against therapy, but just because I feel that I know the girls better than she does after living with them for six months, and I didn't feel like we needed to go. However, rather than cause a lot of trouble, I just agreed to take them in. My SIL recommends that you choose what hill you want to die on, and this one wasn't it for me.

So I took them to see their therapist to discuss their feelings on the upcoming adoption. Their therapist told me that she could see positive changes in their behavior since she had last seen them six months ago. She said that it was much easier to calm them down, and that they settled down as soon as she asked them to, versus having to ask them over and over like she used to. She also said that she could tell they were sharing and treating each other more respectfully than they had in the past. It was also her opinion that they were not in need of therapy at this time and that we were doing a great job with them.

I felt vindicated. My judgment wasn't off. I took them in because the agency insisted. I didn't want to do anything that might have jeopardized the adoption when we are so close to being finished. In the future, I have no problem taking them to therapy as problems arise. My problem with the whole thing was just in having the decision taken out of my hands. I really am capable of caring effectively for these children.

In ten more days those babies will really be ours, and I think I'll be able to open that last final frontier of my heart that has been waiting for closure. It's really hard for me to love them wholeheartedly with the threat (however minute) that someone could decide to take them away. I'm just so excited to finally close that gap and bond my family together permanently.

May 19th

We have a date. On May 19 at 1pm we will legally become Blondie and Bubbles forever parents. We are actually eligible to adopt them as soon as May 11, but our county courthouse has a special "adoption day" each month, which features balloons, teddie bears, cookies and punch, so we opted to participate in that. Otherwise you might end up with a divorce just before and after your case, and that isn't so pleasant.

I can't believe we are so close. How has six months gone by so quickly? The girls are so entrenched in our lives that it's hard to remember when they weren't here. The only thing that is still hard for me is when I tell people that I have four kids, and I get the inevitable raised eyebrows. One woman, a stranger, even looked my children over and said, "so are you finished now?" It's amazing the way people kind of look down on you for having so many children. The defensive part of me wants to say, "I adopted two of them, silly" but then that would somehow agree with the idiocy of their opinion that I shouldn't have had so many children. I don't get those looks when I only have three of them with me, but people turn up their noses like we're white trash when I have all four of them. Okay, not everybody, but enough that I notice.

I never realized before that it was socially inappropriate to have four children. LOL. And the really funny thing is that people treat us like saints if they know that we adopted them. When I walk through church holding their hands, people watch us go by with ear splitting grins. It's wonderful the way the whole church has basically adopted them with us, but I'm certainly not deserving of the praise they heap on me. We have brought home two precious angels to live with us, even if they do act more like little devils at times. They've come a long way since they moved in.

Anyway, a new countdown is underway. We have eighteen days to go.