Grandma

Yesterday I called the girls' grandma. She is currently fostering one of their brothers, Thunder. Lightning, another of their brothers, is in a different foster home, but comes to her house most weekends. DH and I have been very reluctant to call her, mostly due to the fear that somehow the girls' biological parents will find out where we live and cause problems. But I called anyway. She was so relieved to hear from me that she cried. She said she has been so worried about them, and she was so happy to know that they were safe and in a good home. She said that hearing from me was the best Christmas present she received this year. We are planning to meet with her and her husband one day after Christmas. We don't mind if the girls have contact with her, our primary concern is just to keep them safe. Their brothers are having so many problems right now that I'm not going to allow contact. If things improve in the future then we may revise that decision, but for now I don't think it is safe for them. The girls were very happy to hear that I had called their grandmother and they are going to get to see her soon. The girls are doing well. Yesterday I took Son, D2 & D3 to Subway to grab a sandwich. While I was paying, I had them all sit in a booth closeby and wait for me. The lady just behind me said, "You have such well-behaved children. You just don't see that these days." Ha! It just goes to show that you CAN discipline without spanking. I didn't know it could be done. But really, it's all in the attitude. I'm very sweet when they are good, and VERY stern when they are not. It's working well. The problem is controlling their behavior when I'm not there. D3 is doing much better at this than D2. She really wants to please us and not be punished. She has even started saying "Was I good today?" I always want to immediately say yes, but DH usually speaks up first and says "Did you lie to us today? Did you disobey us today?" He tells her that she was pretty good, but she can do better if she tries. D2 stood up on the bus Monday. She has been told over and over and over that she has to sit down on the bus. She knows that Son sees her standing and that he is going to tell us about it. So obviously our punishments haven't been getting through to her. Son also told us that D2 was blowing a horn on the bus and annoying everyone, so he told her to stop, and she turned and blew it right in his face a couple of times. For that misbehavior, she got a timeout, had to throw away the horn, lost a quarter, and had to go straight to bed after supper. I told her that obviously timeout and losing quarters wasn't changing her behavior, so that she would now be going straight to bed after supper every day that she stands up on the bus. Yesterday she stayed in her seat. It looks like we might have found something that works.