A Terrible Night

This is going to be a long rant, so if you aren't up for it, just stop reading now.

It all started as soon as I got home from work. The kids and DH were already home. Son met me at the car saying, "I need to talk to you. It's about D2 & D3." He proceeded to tell me that they threw a bottle of water out the window of the bus. He said that D3 threw it and that D2 was encouraging her and egging her on to do it. Another boy caught the bottle so it didn't actually hit the ground. He then told Son about it. DH had already heard the story and had sent the girls out in the yard to pick up trash. There isn't a whole lot of trash out there, but since we have nine acres it does get caught in the grass here and there. I could see that DH was very upset. He said that the girls were going to bed immediately after supper.

During dinner I learned that it was D3's water bottle, and that she had gotten it out to get a drink. One of them decided it would be fun to throw it and then D2 was encouraging D3 to do it. D3 did it. But neither one of them would admit to being the one whose idea it was to throw it out the window. A couple of days before this, we'd had a similar issue with someone opening the blinds in their room. That's really no big deal. DH asked them which one opened the blinds, and no one would admit to it. That IS a big deal. We're trying to teach them that lying is so much worse than the small things they lie about. There wouldn't be any punishment for opening the blinds. But there is definitely punishment for lying about it. The next morning I told them that they would both be going to bed immediately after supper every night until the one who was lying decided to tell the truth. It took D2 about two seconds to admit it was her.

So given that history, I decided to try it again. I told them that whoever was lying needed to tell me right now or they would be going to bed every night immediately after supper. At this point my strongest suspicion was that it was D2. But neither one would admit anything. I really should have left it at that. This is where the turning point of the whole night was. I wish I could go back and change it but I can't. I told them that I was going to get rid of all their toys in their room, because I wasn't going to put up with someone lying to me/us. I told them that as soon as the culprit admitted the lie that it all would stop and we'd go back to normal, except the one that was lying would be punished for one more day. So I went up to their rooms to get some toys. When I came down the stairs with them, they both started crying because they could see I had picked out their favorites. I gave them another chance to tell the truth. They were both screaming "she did it" and "it wasn't me" and "Mommy I'm telling the truth!" but no one would fess up. So I went out the door and dropped the toys in the dump cart that we use for large trash items. I came back and and asked them again, and still no one would confess. So I headed upstairs again. D1 was upstairs at this point. She was pacing and very upset. She told me that she had thought that she wouldn't be upset when the girls got what they deserved, but that she was wrong. She couldn't stand to hear them crying. Neither could I. It was horrible. But I came downstairs with more toys. Still no luck. Son was upstairs by this time, offering to help me carry things. It's not that he was mad at them, he was just honestly trying to help me. The older kids were really trying to smooth out the situation in any way they could but there wasn't anything they could do. They ended up going into D1's room and just staying out of the way. I told Son not to help me because I didn't want the girls to hold that against him.

On my third trip, D3 spoke up and said it was her. I was so relieved. I apologized to D2 for what she had just gone through and DH put D3 in time out. I went outside with D2 to get all her toys and left D3's out there. We went upstairs to put up her toys. While we were upstairs, D3 told DH that it wasn't really her and that she only confessed to save the toys. We were back to square one. This is the second turning point where I wish I would have done things differently. But instead I started going up to get toys again. I got 95% of their toys out the door before D3 confessed again. In the meanwhile, they were screaming at each other to confess, begging me not to throw away their toys, and ardently exclaiming that they didn't do it. We told the girls that we would find out tomorrow from Son's friend who actually was the one who first thought of throwing it out the window. We told them that if they would tell us now, on their own, that their punishment would be a lot less than if we find out from him. D2 told us to go ahead and find out from him, because she didn't do it. At that point I started to actually believe that D3 did it. Then we decided to just go ahead and call him last night.

So Son called him and he said that he thought it was D3 but wasn't sure. DH pretended that he had said it was D3, and pressured her to tell the truth. She confessed, but I'm still not sure, even right now, if it's true. I'm in a quandary. Usually I can get the girls to tell the truth. I really think it's possible that they don't know whose idea it was. However, I asked each of them separately if maybe they didn't remember who did it, and they both told me that they absolutely remembered and it was the other one. Whenever D2 would talk about it, she did all the normal body language she does when she is lying. D3 can totally lie with a straight face and there are no cues that she is lying.

So since we can't tell for sure who did it, this is what we decided. We will keep their toys in the attic, and at the end of the day if they have been good (no lies, no disobedience) they get to choose a toy to get back. When I got D2 up for her bath this morning, she was a perfect angel. She was anticipating my instructions before I even gave them. D3 disobeyed me this morning and didn't listen to me. She has already lost her opportunity to get a toy today. And I'm exhausted. If I had known that no one would confess, or that it would go that far, I never would have started it. But they've always confessed before, and it's always worked before. I'm just so sad, because I don't know if I did the right thing, and I'm still not sure who did it, and it's not fair to punish the innocent one, but truly neither of them is actually innocent because one threw it and the other one encouraged her. And I went to bed upset and got up upset and I'm still upset.