Always Re-evaluating

I took D2 to her first birthday party on Saturday. She was so excited, and she really had a lot of fun. It was a strange feeling to be there, representing her as her mom. I didn't know anyone there, so they would all assume I was her birth mom. I was thinking things like "I wonder if they can tell she doesn't look anything like me? Do we look right together?" DH said I was being silly and that of course no one thought anything like that.

Yesterday D2 acted up during Children's Church, and her teacher came up to me afterwards and put her arm around me and said: "Do you think you could talk to D2? She is being too loud, and she won't be quiet when we ask the kids to be quiet. She also won't sit down when we have the kids sit down. I know it's hard, but could you try?" SIGH. You know, the ladies at church never complain to the parents. Kids act up all the time. So for this to happen, she really must have been getting on their nerves. We are left with the dilemma of what to do about it. We told her that since she abused the privilege of going to Children's Church, she won't be able to go back for a while. We are going to make her sit through big church with us for a few weeks and then give her a chance to try again. This isn't the best solution, because it will be distracting for us and possibly other adults, but it's not fair to inflict her on the teachers who are volunteering their time to teach the children either. I'm considering trying to "team" with the teacher who had the guts to tell me the truth, and give her our cell number. Then if D2 won't mind her, she can threaten to call us. D2 always behaves with us. But she doesn't behave with other people.

I had a comment that said "Your first job is to help them feel secure and loved, no matter their behaviors. I know that's hard, but until they feel that, your life will be one battle after another, and no one will be happy. " I want to reassure everyone who might be wondering, that we definitely are working to build relationships with these girls. They get lots of hugs and kisses and snuggle time, they get tucked into bed at night, we spend time working on homework, playing cards and chasing them around the house. I may have neglected to mention those things due to my struggles with their behavior, but I don't have any problems with giving love, so maybe that's why I haven't talked about it. I agree that it will all take time, but knowing that doesn't make it go any faster. We still have to figure out what works best with these children. My oldest two were very different in what kinds of consequences they needed when they were little, and it will be the same with my youngest two. I really appreciate all the supportive comments I received.