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We are still adjusting to the new arrivals. Some things have worked themselves out well, and other things we're still working on. DH & I are still trying to find time to spend alone. We tried sending the girls to bed a bit early (actually their normal time) on Friday and Saturday nights, but we've found that we are so tired by then that we just end up going to bed. We're both morning people so it just didn't work out.
Our newest plan is that we are going to try spending some Friday afternoons together before the kids get home from school. I have every other Friday off, and he always gets off at 2pm, so if I'm not having to work all day to make up missed time and he can get off a couple of hours early it will work out. We're hoping to get a friend to watch them one Saturday night, but we need to have some ongoing time we can count on to be alone together.
I've been spending an hour each week alone with Son and D1. It has been great. The kids look forward to it and so do I. Son has been very vocal about his needs ever since the girls arrived, but D1 has kind of withdrawn and that worries me. We have always been very close and I don't want her to think that I've forgotten her. I do think that things are much improved though. I think that my every waking thought was focused on D2 & D3 from the time I found out they were coming until probably a couple of weeks ago. And there really wasn't any other way it could be, because there was so much to do. But now that they are settled in and their clothes are bought and their room is straight and they know the rules and they are lice-free (hooray) I can start to more evenly focus my attention.
The worst part of parenting D2 & D3 right now is trying to find the right punishments for poor behavior. Time out is only so effective. D3 has been really pushing the limits this week. She misbehaved at school by sticking out her tongue at someone, cut some faux fur off her coat, and was cutting in line. We took the coat away and now she has to wear her jacket instead. I really doubt that bothers her. The cutting in line thing is a common one for both girls and I'm not sure what to do about it. We've told them over and over not to do it and given them lots of reasons why they shouldn't, but we may as well be talking to the wall.
For now I have taken D3's purse and pretty pink shoes. She can't have them back until she can go for an entire week without lying or being disobedient. I don't care if it seems impossible. I'll keep them forever if I have to. They will learn that if they want to have privileges they will have to earn them with truth-telling and obedience.
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3 comments:
Stacy,
I have enjoyed reading you journey with your "new" girls. It really gives me insight to your everyday life. We have 3 boys, 14,11, and 7 and are wanting to adopt a girl. I am somewhat cautious to start preparing, thinking I should just wait until we get a call. I am not sure how I should proceed. We are wanting a girl that is 24 months or younger, so I may be in for a wait. I am praying for your family and you!
It has to be so hard because these are such special cases and learning what disciplines will work must be exhausting. Punishments we hated while growing up were undesirable chores - like weeding, scrubbing tiolets, washing windows - stuff no one wanted to do but that needed to be done. Are there things they want that they would work for - like earning stickers for not lying and then after so many stickers she gets to have whatever she wants for dinner one night - or to go to a movie alone with just you? I wonder if there are any good kids' books about lying that would be good to check out. Hmm. See how you inspire me - I just hafta know!
My favorite book on discipline as a teacher is 1-2-3 or something like that. There's definitely a 1-2-3 in the title, because there are three warnings. It's pretty good, and it's been very effective with my 7th grade classes. There's a parent version of it, too, which I plan on reading before my adoption is finalized. I also don't have any moral opposition to spanking; I was spanked and I think it was the most effective punishment for me. But I'm not planning on spanking, regardless of the "crime" because I don't really know if there was any previous abuse or what my daughter-to-be will interpret from this. Something worth considering, these children had lives before they came to us and might not understand what a "regular" spanking is.
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