Hurry Up And Wait

Have you ever been in your car, and held down the accelerator and the brake at the same time? The engine revs and the car goes nowhere. There's all that engine under the hood, but in reality it's not moving anywhere.

That's how I feel. I have so much energy. I'm chomping at the bit. I have a hundred things to do. I don't have a spare minute. I'm scared I'm going to forget something. I have so many things to handle in the next few weeks.

Here's the news: I tried to schedule a visit with the girls for Saturday. I called their foster mom this morning, but she hasn't heard anything from our agency or CPS saying that is was okay for us to start visits, so she said no. I understand that. She is protecting our girls and following the rules and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So I called Agency Worker. She also understood and agreed that Foster Mom made the right decision. So she called the adoption liaison, K. K understands that we are hoping to bring the girls home on November 12th, and why. (Because Foster Mom is taking vacation the following week, and this would keep the girls out of respite care that week.) K is going to call D, the CPS foster care worker for the girls, and try to get things moving. D has to de-identify the files for both girls. I found out this morning that this means she will have to go through each piece of paper from every agency, etc., with a sharpee marker removing all references to names and other identifying information. It a small wonder that they ever get anything done! You'd think they'd be able to just do some kind of search and replace on the computer to remove names but they don't have soft copies of all the files, so no go.

There's only one thing to do about this situation from my end, and that's pray. I'm also asking all of my praying readers to send up a prayer for the CPS workers, D & K, that they would understand the timing, and have the energy and time to get this job done in the quickest possible way. Please also pray for Foster Mom. She currently has 10 kids due to an emergency placement. She normally only keeps six at a time. One of the kids just gave birth over the weekend, so she has a newborn there too. She had to send one of the kids to RTC last night so she really has her hands full. And she's also dealing with this anxious adoptive mom that wants her kids NOW. (That's me).

Yesterday was so busy. Immediately after work I had to take the kids to music lessons, then take my daughter to the high school for a two hour choir practice. Straight from there I went to Target to register for the baby shower. My friend is sending the shower invitations today, so the registering had to be done in a hurry. I had an hour and a half to get it all done. I really wished that I could have taken a friend or my daughter along to make it more fun and keep me focused. I picked out shoes, clothes, pajamas, winter jackets, socks, undies, hair thingees, brushes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, hand soap in cute little pumps, arts & crafts, dolls and books. I was going mad trying to think of every possible thing we could need for two little girls. I was disappointed in their clothing selection, but we included their sizes in the invitation so maybe some of their clothes will come from other stores. They didn't really have any selection for church dresses, and we'll need those too.

Now I'm worrying about things like what they like to eat, what time do they go to bed and get up, what do I need to do to change their schools, will it insult them if I stop on the way home and get their hair cut the first day, will they cry for their Foster Mom the first night, will they cry when I leave them at Sunday School or school the first day.....

I guess you should pray for me too.