Home Study Complete

Agency Worker came to the house for the final visit yesterday. We had to all sit down as a family and visit with her, and she also had a few questions she had forgotten to ask us. We resolved the gasoline storage issue. DH has a friend that has a fire-proof container made especially for such things as gasoline and other explosive materials. We are going to buy it from him in a couple of weeks. Agency Worker said that as long as we give her a verbal notification that we have secured the gasoline, she will check it when she comes to bring children to our home and that will be enough.

So all that is left is a Saturday training on August 6th and an evening training on September 12th, and three hours of observation. This thing seems to keep growing, but I know we are really getting close. I'll be glad when everything is really and truly completed. It has been a long process.

The big news this week is that my husband has decided to start teaching an adult Sunday School class at our church. We are outgrowing our facilities and we need to start having two services. This means two Sunday School times and many new teachers are needed. We spent time in prayer about how God would like us to serve, and this is where we feel that He is calling us. It has been an amazing thing to watch God work in DH's life over the past 18 months. I never would have dreamed 18 months ago that we'd be where we are today. But that's another story.

Tomorrow morning we're off to see my best friend in another state for the weekend. I'll be making every effort to avoid computers while we are there since I work on one every day! So there won't be any updates most likely until Tuesday. Please pray that we have a safe trip, and I'll keep you all in my prayers while we are gone.

Gasoline

Who knew that gasoline would be one of our biggest obstacles? When Agency Worker came to inspect the house, she told us that the gasoline has to be put up safely so that the girls can't get to it. This is the extra gasoline that DH keeps in the garage for filling the tractor, lawn mowers, etc. It is in gas cans on the floor. She told us that we could put it on a high shelf where the girls would not be able to climb up and get it. DH said that this is not safe because gasoline is explosive!

So last weekend we went to Home Depot to look for "safe" containers for storing gas cans. We discussed the fact that the container will need to be made of fire resistant materials, i.e. we can't use a wood cabinet. We found a large rubbermaid bin that costs $189. It has a way that you can add a lock to keep prying fingers out. Still, DH wasn't satisfied with that choice, and as he is still suffering from jet lag from his trip, he was a little grumpy to have to even think about it right now.

Fortunately, he talked to a guy at his work that has a fire-proof container that is made specifically for holding gasoline and other explosive chemicals, and is willing to sell it to us for $100. We won't be able to get it for a few more weeks because of everything else going on every weekend, but at least we've found a good solution. Agency Worker said that we can still finish the licensing process in the meantime, and that she will just check the gasoline before we are allowed to bring children home with us.

Now we just have to make room in the garage for it....

Jet Lag

DH has jet lag. He's doing better after a few nights' sleep, but he's still tired. It was hard to get up today and head off to work. I'm having to get back on schedule too, because I got very lazy while he was gone, just going to bed and getting up whenever I felt like it.

Our tenant moved out this weekend, or so he told us, so we'll be going by the house today to see if he is really gone. If he is, then we have to get the house ready to lease again, and if he isn't then we have to start the eviction process. I'm praying that he is gone and the worst is over. Yesterday Tenant yelled at DH and hung up on him, so I'm really hoping that we won't even have to see this guy and maybe he will just leave the keys in the house.

I talked to Agency Worker on Friday, and she offered another child to us. She is a six-year old girl. We are tentatively interested, but our first interest still lies with the girls. We haven't set up the observation time yet, but I'm depending on that to help us firm up our decision about them.

I didn't realize when we got started how difficult and confusing it would be to try to "pick" children. I want to take them all! How do you say no to any of them? This is a very heart-wrenching process.

Hallelujah!

He's on the ground! He's back!

I'll be picking him up in an hour or so.


:)

Today's the Day!

DH is flying home RIGHT NOW. He'll land around 2p and I'll see him about an hour later. He's riding home with the friend that went to Israel with him. I have to work today, and his friend only lives about 5 minutes from my work. I have the kids straightening the house today and we are all very excited.

Our tenant who is about to be evicted called me yesterday. He said that they found a place to move but they would need one more week and could I wait to start the eviction? I was very torn. I consulted with a friend who felt that he was trying to take advantage of me one last time before DH gets home. There's no proof that he has found another place, or that it will definitely be ready next weekend. So I called him back and told him I'm sorry, but he needs to find somewhere else to go by this weekend or we would have to continue the eviction proceedings. It has just gone on too long. He's told us so many wild stories for why he can't pay the rent, and if they are all true then he must be the unluckiest man in the world. I just don't trust him anymore and that's a hard position to get into with me. I tend to trust everyone and I'm pretty naive about people. I just can't fathom how someone could look me straight in the eye and lie.

Fortunately, DH called me yesterday and I was able to tell him the whole story. He said that he thought I did the right thing. He ended up not being able to sleep last night because he was so excited about coming home. I slept well but I woke up excited. Now it seems like the three weeks he was gone just flew by! I'm so glad it's over and we can get back to real life.

Now we'll be able to get that observation scheduled! Agency Worker told me that once CPS knows that a family is interested in adoption, they get "funny" about how often you can visit the kids. I don't really understand that, but at least we'll be able to meet them through the observation. We might also be able to do some respite care for them after that, if CPS isn't onto us! They have some strange policies. I know that it will all work out in God's wonderful timing.

Happy dance today!!

24 Hours

I just spoke to DH and told him goodnight. He is packed and ready to go, and trying to get a little sleep before he has to get up at 2:30am (6:30pm our time) to go catch a plane. We won't talk to each other again until he lands tomorrow around 2pm.

Highs & Lows

There is so much going on right now! DH is coming home in two days, and I've got more news about the adoption, and we have to evict one of our tenants.

I've been on an emotional high all week just knowing that this long separation is nearly over. Two more days and DH will be home for good. Really good! I need help with all the other things going on.

I talked to Agency Worker yesterday and again this morning. She offered another pair of children to me, a boy age 3 yrs. & a girl age 18 months. They are a beautiful boy & girl sibling pair. Unfortunately, they are just too young for our family. I hope that they can find a family where the mom stays home. We want children old enough to relate to the kids we already have, and two toddlers will be too much in a family of four children with two working parents. I'm really against daycare if at all possible, because I've already been that route with my older two and I don't want to do it again if I can help it.

I also learned that the girls will be needing to go to the beauty salon shortly after I get them, because their foster mom has been cutting their hair and it doesn't seem to be her forte. I also learned that they both have straight hair. I can't wait to meet them! The younger girl is listed as moderate, so we have to do a little more training at the agency to cover administering medication. We will finally finish our training on September 12th, so there's no chance of getting the girls before then. I am hoping that we can get them shortly after that though. Yesterday I had mentioned going to their home to do our last 3 hours of observation, and the agency thinks that is a great idea. This way we can meet the girls without them knowing that we are evaluating them as future members of our family. Then we'll have a much better idea of whether they are the children God wants for us.

The only stress right now is coming from our business. We are having to evict a tenant for the first time ever. They are more than two months behind on the rent, and we allowed them to stay and trusted they would catch up, but they haven't done it. They have given us excuse after excuse, and I want to believe they are telling the truth, but everyone else thinks they are lying to us. They were supposed to give me a partial payment last Friday, but then they didn't even call me or return my calls. So yesterday I sent an eviction notice by certified mail, and on Monday we'll be going to the courthouse to start the process. Sadly, they have dug in their heels and said they aren't leaving until they are forced out. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. I'm so glad that DH will be back and able to help me deal with this mess.

I would ask that you say a prayer for this family. I have terrible guilt over evicting them, but DH keeps reminding me that we aren't doing this to them, they are doing it to themselves.

Countdown...3, 2, 1....Friday!

I talked to DH this morning and I'm feeling so happy to know that he will be home in just three days. He really is the rock that I lean on, and I appreciate him so much. I've had some recent fears about the adoption, but just talking to him yesterday made it all seem so clear. It's just the way I am, I'll come up with little things to worry about, and then he shows me why my fears are unbased and tells me to take it to the Lord. He really is a gift from God.

Today we talked about him changing his work schedule when he gets home. He's currently working 10 hours a day Monday through Thursday and having every Friday off, but this has really worn him down. He ends up hating life most of the week to gain one day. He wants to either switch back to 8 hour days, or maybe work 9 hour days M-Th and have half of every Friday off. If he does this, it will make my life easier because I won't have to be home when the girls get home - he'll be there. Then it won't be necessary for me to go part-time right away, even though it would be nice. We'd like to get some debts paid off before we take a salary decrease.

Anyway, life is looking up right now....3,2,1, DH!!

Home Study Update

Everything went well on Friday when Agency Worker came over to do the home study. We passed the health & fire inspections, with the exception that we may have to lock up the gasoline in the garage, and we have to move the matches to a place that is not child accessible.

Both Daughter and Son liked Agency Worker a lot and enjoyed their interviews with her. Agency Worker didn't bring pictures, and I was disappointed, but she said that things had been moving too quickly and we needed to slow down. She said that she didn't want to cause more emotional upheaval by adding pictures to the mix. I'm okay with that decision, because I know that if it is God's will for the girls to live with us, I'll see a picture eventually.

Honestly, I'm glad that we've decided to slow down. I was excited but scared, and this will give us more time to prepare ourselves. Daughter, Son & I worked on switching their bedrooms on Saturday. We got their beds and all of their furniture moved, and we pulled several trash bags full of trash and lots of toys for Goodwill out of Son's room. You'd be surprised how much they can cram into every nook & cranny! We also shopped for a new chest of drawers and nightstand for Daughter, and found something pretty. I haven't ordered it yet, but I will soon. They both seem to like their new rooms, and I know Son is enjoying having a clean room!

Daughter had a meltdown last night because she misses her dad so much. Pray for her to hang in there until Friday. The nightmare she had last week is still hanging around in her mind, and she is afraid that he is never coming back. I've told her that there is no reason to suspect that Daddy won't come home safely, and that she shouldn't let Satan do this to her. I didn't realize just how hard this trip would be for the kids. I hope he doesn't ever have to leave for this long again.

Home Study, Part Deux

I woke up praying for the girls today, that they were sleeping well and that their hearts would be prepared for the news about the termination on Monday. I'm ready to bring these little girls into our home and be their mother. I talked to DH yesterday and told him how Agency Worker said we could provide respite care for the girls and he thought that was a great idea.

Agency Worker is coming over to the house today to interview Daughter and Son. She will also be doing the health & fire inspections today. The house is a mess this morning. We’ve been very lazy while DH is in Israel, so I’ve got to get busy! It’s been a bit difficult taking on all the roles he normally plays.

It is unbelievable that he’s been gone two weeks and we still have a week to go. Some days it feels like I just can’t make it until he gets home, but I really have no choice so life goes on. Son and Daughter are suffering over it too. Son breaks down and cries every fews days that he misses his daddy. Daughter had a nightmare that DH died and that I married a horrible man who hated my kids and was mean to them. I’m not crying or having nightmares, it’s more that I’m walking around in a state of limbo, waiting for my sweet husband to come home.

I usually have DH for a sounding board when there are lots of things on my mind, and it’s been hard to deal with all the adoption stuff without him here. I get to talk to him for a few minutes at a time, but we can’t really have a good discussion about our feelings when he is an ocean away. So I’m just waiting, waiting, waiting….

I’m supposed to see a picture of the girls today. They’ve been described to me as far as size and hair color, but you can’t really get a lot from that. Today I’ll actually see their faces. Please pray that God would protect their minds and hearts. Please pray that He would guide my emotions and help me to be patient as I wait for DH to return and I wait for these precious girls to join our lives.

Slow Down

I talked to Agency Worker again yesterday after she had a chance to talk to her supervisor. It seems that we all got excited and started rushing things. Our timeline was all wrong. It now seems that it will be two or three months before the girls can come live with us and there are a couple of reasons. The first is that CPS just doesn't move that quickly. They have processes and paperwork, and with a new caseworker coming on it will be even longer. The second reason is that the girls won't be ready to leave their new foster mom that quickly. They'll be receiving devastating news on Monday and will need their foster mom to comfort them. They'll need to get used to the idea of being adopted before they are moved.

I also discussed with Agency Worker my fear of not getting the girls at all. She said that usually CPS will listen to the recommendations of the agency who is fostering the girls, but it is still possible that other families could submit their home studies for the girls. If that happens we'll be competing for them just like for any other children. This is hard to accept after basically being promised these children, but after having all night to dwell on it I feel better today.

So all my plans for getting them before school starts are out the window. If we do get the girls, we'll be well into the school year, and I won't get that week of quiet time with them that I really wanted for all of our sakes. Agency Worker also told me that it is still possible that they will offer other children to me, in case we don't get the girls. This stuff is very difficult on the heart.

Everything is in God's hands. He will bring us the right children for our family, at the right time. I know that, but it's so hard to wait. The extra two or three months will actually be a relief because DH & I can get a few more things done before they join us. Daughter's birthday is coming up soon, and I'll be able to devote more attention to that, plus DH & I usually take a weekend away in August that we were going to miss. Those are good things.

Agency Worker also told me that we might be able to do some respite care for the foster mom and keep the girls overnight a few times and we could all get to know each other. That might even help our case with CPS if the girls already know us and are comfortable with us.

I had heard that this would be a wild roller coaster ride, and it certainly is.

Freedom

The girls have been granted the freedom to find new parents. The judge was disgusted with the CPS agency for not attempting termination 10 years ago. Evidently they've been in the system for 20 years, stemming from the abuse of their oldest daughter. They had four more children after her who are all now in foster homes.

It seems as if Agency Worker has done some backpedaling since the last time we discussed the girls. She is new to the adoption process and has only done fostering up until now. She talked to the CPS caseworker who said that the girls' case will be turned over to an adoption caseworker at CPS. This will probably happen next week. After that it is unknown how long it will take for the new caseworker to become familiar with the case and approve the move to our house. All of the caseworkers at CPS are overloaded with too much work.

So now I'm not sure if we will get the girls before school starts. No one but me seems to understand the importance of this. Maybe I'm making too much of it, but I just wanted the children to have as easy a transition as possible. I know that being in their class from the very first day would be the best way to start. Will it matter a few years from now? Probably not, but they've already been through so much.

I just want to do all I can for them and I'm completely helpless to do anything right now. Also, it would be ideal if I get them a week before school starts because then we would have a whole week to spend time together and get to know each other before starting the breakneck speed of the school year. If they come after school starts it will be a little more difficult to bond in between homework and supper time and after school activities.

God is in control. I'm trying to remember that. I heard a saying that you should pray as if it all depends on God and work as if it all depends on you. I need to work harder on part a. I'm pretty good at part b.

For some reason I feel like I'm going to cry. That makes no sense because I'm very glad the termination went through. At the same time I feel squashed flat because now I have no idea when the girls will be coming to live with us, and I hate to even think this, but if at all? What if the caseworker gives them to someone else? How I long to hug those little girls and let them know they are important and they will never suffer like that again as long as I have breath in my body.

Dealing with The System

I'm still waiting on pins and needles to find out whether the girls received their TPR on Monday. I was supposed to hear the results of the judge's decision yesterday, but never received a call. I left two messages yesterday, and then started calling again this morning. I finally got in touch with Agency Worker and she told me that she called CPS yesterday but everyone who knew anything had already gone home. She is going to try again today. Hopefully, hopefully, we'll know today.

If it turns out that we are going to get the kids, it will probably happen August 7th or shortly thereafter. That means that a mini-van is in our very near future! We will probably be shopping for one soon after DH gets home. I would like to have it when we go to pick up our girls and bring them home.

I talked to my boss again yesterday because the human resources department was negative about the idea of me going part-time. He intends to push the issue and do whatever it takes to help me. Praise the Lord! He was also supportive of the idea of me taking time off for a week right after the girls come home with us and before school starts.

There was a bombing in Israel yesterday, which shook up both DH & me. Fortunately it wasn't in Tel Aviv, but it was enough to make us nervous. If any other bombings happen, he may decide to cut the trip short and head home. However, he is scheduled to take a tour of Jerusalem on Friday and he really doesn't want to miss it. Israel is too far away to go there and miss walking in Jesus' footsteps!

Please pray for our nerves as we wait for news on the girls, and for DH's continued safety in Israel.

Court is in session - Right Now!

I just talked to Agency Worker and she said that the hearing started this morning, but was recessed until 2pm today. The bio-parents did not show up. They said they were going to fight the termination of their rights, but they didn't follow through. Their foster mom testified this morning. Everyone thinks that the girls deserve to get to move on and find a permanent home. I know that the girls are upset and feel like their world is upside down. I wish I could help them right now.

I should hear from Agency Worker late this afternoon or tomorrow. I think the plan is to move them into our home the weekend of the 6th. That is only four more weeks! I know it will be a hard adjustment for them because they have thought for over a year that their parents were going to change and then they could go back home.

Please pray that the judge will make the right decision for these girls, and if they get the TPR that God will provide comfort and strength for them until they can join us in our home.

Wow, I'm overwhelmed. I could truly have two more children in a very short period of time. Pray that I will be the mother they need and deserve.

Getting Excited

I got a call from Agency Worker earlier today. She told me that CPS is going for termination of parental rights for the two girls we are interested in on Monday. Frequently a family member will step in at this point but no one has so it is quite likely the girls will be available for adoption. If everything goes as expected on Monday, these two little girls should be in my home before August 16th! I'm getting more excited about it every day.

I always try to keep myself from becoming emotionally involved too soon, but I'm no good at it. I just love children and I ache for the pain they have gone through. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my kids and my life really revolves around them. I've heard that people wonder how a mother with lots of kids can love them all enough, and I've heard it answered that each mom loves with all she has. It feels like God is stretching my heart to make room for more right now.

One of my dreams throughout this whole process is in seeing my new children accept Christ and be baptised. I tear up just thinking about it. It will be a joy to lead these little children to Jesus who is truly the greatest love they will ever know, if they don't know him already.

I just can't wait!

Part-Time?

I talked to my boss today about possibly going part-time to 30 hours a week. This would allow me to be home when the kids leave for school and when they get home and avoid them going to daycare. He was positive about it and said he would talk to HR and get back to me. This would also allow me to spend every Friday off with DH. I think this time will be invaluable as we recharge from running a family with four children. It will probably be hard to get a word in edgewise to each other!

Still, I'm very excited about the prospect of becoming a mom to two new little girls. We are making plans to put them in the spare room, and Son and Daughter are going to trade rooms so that the girls can all share the same bathroom. We still have room for a little boy some day to share Son's room if he is agreeable. I want to get the girls comfortable first before adding any other kids, if we ever do.

DH is having a great time in Israel, and I haven't heard from Daughter since Tuesday but I'm sure that no news is good news and she's doing great too. Son & I are spending some quality time together watching movies and getting take out. I'm going to take him to see the Fantastic Four tomorrow night.

Two little girls

Last Thursday I got a call from Agency Worker about two little girls ages 6 & 8. We have spent the days since then praying about it and thinking about it and considering how they would fit into our family. We have decided to move forward.

One of the girls is listed as "moderate" care instead of basic, which just means that she will be a little more difficult to handle. I've already heard the details and we feel comfortable that we can provide for her needs. In fact we are quite excited! They both sound like precious little girls. Right now they are being fostered by a woman who doesn't adopt, but actually considered it because she is so attached to the girls. Even her daughter has considered adopting them. They must be pretty charming to make people willing to make life changes they weren't considering before.

DH left for Israel on Friday morning, and yesterday I put Daughter on a plane to visit her grandfather. Son & I are on our own until Sunday when Daughter returns. We had fun watching a movie and snacking on fruit last night. He got a summer cold after returning from camp so he's feeling pretty puny right now.

Please pray for DH and Daughter as they are traveling, and pray for God to be glorified in whatever children we adopt, whether it is these two or if he has someone else for us.