No Time Alone

I think our biggest complaint right now, and we knew this would happen, is that DH & I can't get any time alone. The girls have to be supervised constantly. Not only that, they are so excited to have our attention, and they want to sit with us, talk with us, play with us. They are very sweet and we love them and want to bond with them. We've just been rolling with it for the last nearly three weeks. But now it's time to start letting the girls know that Mommy & Daddy's relationship comes first.

I've already instituted that I will ride in the front seat with Daddy when we are in the van. They (all four of them) had been fighting over who got to sit with me in the back. Every night, D2 & D3 are on each side of Daddy at the dinner table. It's time for this too to change. I get to sit by Daddy. The other four can take turns. It's also time for D2 & D3 to realize that D1 & Son get a turn too, not just them. Each girl wants to make sure she gets whatever the other girl gets, but they don't bother to worry about what D1 & Son got to do. They don't compete with them at all.

So DH and I are trying to come up with creative ideas to be able to have a conversation. So far I've thought of two things. We could sit the girls down on the couch with a movie and we could talk at the kitchen table with them in plain sight. We could also go for a walk outside while they ride their bikes around.

Right now we are waiting for some background checks to come back on some friends of ours so that they can babysit for us. My parents sent theirs in and they have come back, but for obvious reasons I'm not asking them to babysit right now. Looking into the future, I'm hoping that things will have changed by the summer so that the girls can stay with my mom instead of going to daycare, but that's six months away and I have more to worry about right now.

After the adoption, we might be able to leave the girls with D1 & Son for short periods of time, IF we feel that it is appropriate. That too can only be decided in time.

But for now we'll have to be creative.

You Didn't Hatch Out of an Egg

So this morning D2 got my soon-to-be-patented lecture, "You Didn't Hatch Out of an Egg". We were sitting in the car waiting for the bus and she took off her gloves. I told her to put one glove in each pocket of her coat so she wouldn't lose them. Both girls have large fluffy gloves and their coat pockets are kind of small and only have enough room for one glove each. I saw her trying to stuff both gloves into one pocket. I repeated to her to put one glove in each pocket or that the extra one would fall out and get lost. She continued to stuff both gloves in one pocket and then folded her hands in her lap.

She did all this with me looking right at her and she knew it. So I told her to take one of her gloves out and put it in the other pocket. I asked her why she put them both in one pocket when I told her not to, and she said "because I wanted to." I told her that she will mind me, so she may as well do it the first time I tell her or she will just have to do it twice. She did as I asked.

Then I explained to her that she didn't hatch out of an egg. I told her how mama alligators lay a pile of eggs and then cover them up and leave. After a while the babies hatch and they are completely capable of taking care of themselves from the time they hatch. They don't need a mama and a daddy to take care of them. But baby humans don't hatch out of eggs. God gave them parents to take care of them until they are grown. Human parents feed you and take care of you and give you advice for helping you. I explained that I was eight years old once too, and that I found out that gloves fall out if there isn't enough room for both of them in your pocket and then you lose one.

I have no idea how much of that sunk in, but she got on the bus with a glove in each pocket.

So Much to Say....Again

On Wednesday I took the day off to spend with my kids. I had an appointment with D2&D3's doctor. I was able to get D3 off of two of her medications and cut another one in half. Yea! Unbelievably, the kid was taking four medications, most of which she doesn't need. From there we went to see my grandmother. She was delighted to meet the girls and to see all of us. She was on oxygen and didn't look good, but she seemed to perk up during the visit. D3 wrote a little note to her that said, "I (heart) you, Mom's Grandma". Too cute. Then I took them all to Putt-Putt. We had some gift certificates and coupons, so it ended up costing me nothing! The kids rode rides and we all rode go-karts. It was a lot of fun. Thursday morning while I was making food, DH took D2 & D3 outside to help him fix the mailbox. The girls rode their bikes up to the mailbox. We have a roadbase driveway that is downhill from the mailbox to home. DH told them he would race them to the house. Men. So of course they both wiped out on the driveway. To his credit, he told them to ride on the grass but they disobeyed and rode on the driveway. D2 only got a skinned knee through her jeans, but D3 landed on her face and came up bleeding with her mouth full of rocks. He brought her to the house and I cleaned her up. Poor little thing. So she wasn't a very pretty sight when she went to meet the family! She has a big scrape on her chin and some smaller scrapes under her nose going out to her cheek. They look a lot better after four days, but it's still pretty bad. I was very disappointed by my mother's behavior. I had hoped she would rise above her personal feelings, but she didn't. She was introduced to the girls, and then tried to avoid them the rest of the day. When it was time to hold hands and pray, my mother attempted to stay out of the circle because she saw that she would be forced to hold hands with D3. I'm probably the only one that noticed this. D3 had her back to her and her head bowed so she didn't notice it. I let go of D3's hand and brought my mother into the circle and she stiffly held D3's hand. Later on D2 asked my mom if she had any games. Mom came and told me that one of the girls had asked her for games to play, and that she had gotten rid of all that stuff as D1 and Son grew up and she didn't have anything like that. I asked her which girl had asked her, and she pointed toward D2 in the other room (who wasn't looking or paying attention to us) and said "oh, I don't know, it was that one, I don't know what her name is" in a disgusted type of way. After that the girls spread some cards out on the table where my dad and my mom were sitting, and asked if they could play the memory game. My dad asked my mom if she wanted to play and she said no and left the table. She stayed in the kitchen doing dishes and ignoring the girls for nearly the entire visit. I don't think the girls noticed. They don't know my mom, and there were lots of other people there, so they wouldn't realize that she wasn't being herself. Everyone else was sweet and welcoming to them. My dad played the memory game with them twice, and I saw him helping D3 to pull up her sleeves when she was eating. But D1 noticed. D1 told me later that she would never have believed her grandma would act like that if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. I think that D1 really identifies with the girls, because she isn't DH's biological daughter. I think that when her grandmother rejected the girls, she felt rejected too. I saw D1 shooting dirty looks at my mom when my mom wasn't looking. D1 told me that she couldn't understand why blood relations mattered so much to my mom. She even said that she wondered if she had been DH's daughter instead of mine, and married into my family, would my mother have even accepted her? D1 has seen how she was welcomed with open arms into DH's family, so it really disturbed her that her own grandma wouldn't accept her new sisters. Funny though, D1 said she was really going to miss her grandma and grandpa! I told her that we weren't quite to that point yet, and we were going to give Grandma some more time and hope that she comes around. I can't say for sure how Christmas is going to go, but I know that I won't be subjecting my family to her being negative toward my youngest daughters. I don't THINK she will, but after her behavior at Thanksgiving I'm just not sure now. I can't even talk to her about it right now though, because my grandmother (my mom's mom) is so sick. Everyone seems to think that we'll be losing her soon. I'm still hoping that she'll make a turnaround like she did last year, but only time will tell. Then we went to see DH's parents. My poor mother-in-law had a stroke a couple of years ago, and can no longer control her emotions. She cries at the drop of a hat. When we got there D3 was upset because she had been scolded for being ugly to Son. I did my best to comfort her and tell her that we still love her we just want her to speak nicely to other people. So we took her in to meet her other grandma. DH's mom took one look at her and grabbed her around the neck and pulled her close and started sobbing. DH & I were both very alarmed for our sad, already traumatized child who was now in the deathgrip of a scary stranger in a wheelchair who was wailing. We quickly removed D3 from Grandma and took her out of the room. I don't blame DH's mom because I know she can't help it, but I was just so frustrated. Between my mom and his mom, it was a rough day. Friday was good. I took Son to see Harry Potter IV and to get some new jeans and he bought a new gamecube game, while DH watched the girls (all three of them) :). Saturday we took the girls to the ranch. It belongs to DH's dad's cousin and we go out there every year, the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Everybody thought they were so cute and sweet and they really had a great time. We had one nosy aunt who gave us the 20 questions, but I told her honestly that I really don't know what kind of abuse the girls have suffered. It's crazy how people that it's appropriate to ask things like that while sitting down to eat with everyone listening. Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree and decorations. It was very touching to watch my four children working together. At one point we stopped for a large family hug. It was awesome to feel all those arms around each other. I talked to DH about it and told him how we had always dreamed how wonderful it would be to have a large family, and how much fun it would be, and now we have it. Then DH said "Yes, and it feels like we have room for more." I told him that we do, but NOT RIGHT NOW! And he completely agreed, not right now, but very likely in the future. I'm thinking four to six years would be appropriate, but we're not going to put any limits on God. I'm happily looking forward to the future.

No Discipline .... Yet

Yesterday Son reported that D2 disobeyed the bus driver and didn't sit in the front seat like he told her to. He also told us that while they were waiting for the bus, D3 was throwing D2's backpack and got in trouble, and that D3 kept poking D2 and wouldn't stop and they got in a fight. Unfortunately, we didn't hear most of this until the girls were already tucked in bed. Son doesn't want us to tell the girls that he told on them. He is worried that they won't like him if they know. So I had a talk with the girls this morning and told them to try to have a better day today, and also that Daddy knew about it too and would talk to them about it tonight. I really think this hero-worship they have for DH is going to help us out with their discipline. They really want to please him. At night when I put them to bed, we all read stories together. Both girls read aloud for about five minutes. This is a nice quiet time that we all look forward to, and it also gives the girls practice with their reading. Both girls are loving and sweet, and they love to have hugs. They say "I love you" and "I'm glad you adopted us". I feel like I report so much of their bad behavior that I'm forgetting to tell you how wonderful they are. They are my daughters. It feels more right every day. They have the day off from school tomorrow, so I took the day off too. It will be my first time at home alone with all four of my kids. DH wanted to take the day off but his boss said no. We'll still get to have a full four days off together. On Thursday we're going to my mom's for Thanksgiving and then to DH's aunt's house that afternoon. My grandmother isn't doing very well, so please lift up a prayer for her. The girls are looking forward to meeting my parents and my grandmother. On Friday I'm taking Son to see Harry Potter IV. D1 saw it Friday night. I've heard that it is really good. The girls are too young to see it, so DH agreed to watch them while we go. He said it was the least he could do after I kept them all weekend while he went hunting. I couldn't agree more. :) Son is really excited about it too. We're all big Potter fans at my house. On Saturday we are going to a cousin's house that has 200 acres and we go there every Saturday after Thanksgiving. We ride four-wheelers and visit with the horses and cows and relatives and eat lots of food. Everyone is really looking forward to meeting the girls. I told my mom that the girls would probably run to her and Dad for hugs, and she said "That's all right" and really sounded like she meant it. Pray for my nerves on Thursday as we take the girls to meet my parents for the first time.

The Weekend

On Friday we went to our "selection staffing". Other than the fact that it had to be done, it was a total waste of time. In fact, we both left upset. They were very late getting to us, and we were in the waiting room of CPS for almost an hour, while we watched a pair of birth parents having their weekly visit with their three month old daughter. It was hard. I felt like the enemy. I didn't want them to know that we were there to adopt children that had been taken from their parents. I couldn't help but sit there and wonder why their kids had been taken away. From their conversation I could tell there were some older children too. Then Agency Worker came out to get us with a big "Congratulations! You've been selected!". So much for them not figuring us out! LOL

At the table were Agency Worker, D, D2, D's supervisor and D2's supervisor. I hate to say it, but D2's supervisor is an old crab. As we were talking DH referred to the girls as "our children" and the old crab spoke up and said "They aren't yours yet." Both of us looked at her in shock, and DH said "Why, are you going to take them away?" She said "no, but things aren't final yet." Both of our hearts started pounding. We both explained that unless they were going to take the girls, they WERE ours, and that we've already told them they are ours and it would be very detrimental to even consider taking them from us at this point. Everyone at the table was trying to calm us and help us see they were only talking about it from a legal standpoint. But DH was riled up and told them "Well if you're going to take them you'd better do it right now, because we're already bonding as a family and they are already calling us Mommy and Daddy." So we all got off on the wrong foot.

D had to go through the entire spiel that we had already read in their paperwork. We didn't learn anything new about the girls, except for maybe some attitudes that the birth parents had and such. Birth dad sounds like a real jerk. At that point they let us know it may be a few weeks before the subsidy amount is settled. We don't really care. Our only point of contention is that they NOT remove the girls from their home. Even if we could handle them being gone for a week, it would totally disrupt any feeling of security that they are starting to feel, and how could we ever convince them it wouldn't happen again? Agency Worker assured us that they would NOT take the girls from us, and to just get that idea out of our heads.

We told them all that we were doing fine and that the girls haven't been misbehaving or causing problems. They all exchanged knowing looks and said "honeymoon". I've heard about the honeymoon period, but I don't know what's supposed to happen when the honeymoon is over. Will they suddenly sprout three heads and start taking the house apart? They may become more difficult, but I can deal with that. I've been pleasantly surprised by their good behavior anyway. The greatest problem they have right now is selfishness, and we're working on that. They seem to think that everything between them has to be equal. It's ridiculous. It's almost to the point that if D2 takes a big breath, then D3 should get to take one too. We're going to start pointing out that there are two other kids in the house, and THEY aren't getting the desired privilege either, so just get over it.

After the meeting Agency Worker told me that the old crab scolded D for not considering other families. She said she was glad that the girls were happy and they had a good family but it's not procedure to just pick one and not look at others. All I have to say to her is Plbbbbbbbbbtt. DH took Son hunting for the weekend, and D1 spent the night with a friend on Friday night. So I had the girls to myself for Friday night and Saturday morning. We went to see Chicken Little. We had coke and popcorn and the girls loved it. The aliens were scary for D3 but she turned her head and was fine after the movie. D3 said she had never been to a movie before, but D2 already told me that a former foster mom took them to see Spiderman II. Unbelievable. I don't understand how anyone can take a 6 & 4 year old to see that. And this is supposed to be foster care? And their last foster home let them stink and have lice??? But I digress.

On Saturday morning, the girls wanted to help with housework. So we did dishes and laundry and the girls vaccuumed. I've never had such eager helpers! D1 and Son groan when I ask them to help. It's a nice change, but I doubt it will last long. D2 & D3 know that they don't get their allowance unless they help around the house, and so do D1 & Son, but the older kids don't really care if they get their allowance. D2 & D3 are so excited to get their $3 and $4 each Sunday. (I go by half their age). We picked up D1 at 11am and went shopping. We also ate out at a chinese place. D2 assured me that she had had chinese food before and she didn't like it. I asked her to describe the chinese food she had, and she told me it was macaroni and cheese. I told her that she has never had chinese food before and that she needed to give it a chance. I told her that she would miss out on lots of good food if she just says she doesn't like anything she's never tried before.

D2 loved the chinese food, but D3 didn't. It was teriaki chicken for both, but D2 got noodles and D3 got rice. D2 hates rice. She says her birthmom made white rice for them and it didn't taste good. We've explained to her that there are many kinds of rice, and that she needs to give it another try. So far no luck. She takes a bite and starts shaking her head no before she even has a chance to taste it.

On Sunday we went to church and it went well. We went out to eat after church and everyone ate their meal, except that D3 picked the ham off her sandwich. Do I have a vegetarian in the making? :) Both girls were so happy to see DH. They ran to him for hugs the second he got home. It was a happy reunion for all of us. Then I changed the girls into play clothes and their rubber boots and DH took them out for a walk. It was a relief to have a break from them. I love them but they are loud and energetic and require constant attention. I was able to relax on the couch and give my full attention to D1 and Son. Later on we all watched a movie. D3 & D2 were on each side of DH on the couch and I sat with D1 and Son on the loveseat. I know that D1 and Son have really been missing me because I've had to give so much attention to the girls. It's really a good thing that the girls are so enamored of DH because it gives me a break when I need it. D1 & Son have had lots of time with DH lately but not much with me.

I made oatmeal today and D3 loved it. She really loves to eat. D2 had cereal. I think we are all settling in.

Beautiful

I love this post, and I recommend that all the mommies-to-be out there should read it:

A Special Bond

Much Better

After talking with DH about yesterday morning, he decided to talk to D2 about what happened. When they came home from school DH invited D2 to go outside with him while I helped D3 with her homework. D1 and her friend went upstairs to hang out like teens and Son had gone to the Wednesday Boys after school. It was really nice and quiet while I helped D3 with her homework. I heated a frozen pizza pocket for the girls to eat before church. D1 and Son always eat at church and DH and I usually take that time to eat out alone. I offered to let D2 and D3 stay home with us for the evening but they really wanted to go to church. I didn't want D3 to be upset, but she assured me she wouldn't cry this time. I went outside and called in D2 to eat her dinner. She and DH were picking the last tomatoes before the expected freeze. They came in and D2 loved the pizza pocket. She ate all of hers and part of D3's, because D3 didn't like it. D3 finished up and went to color pictures with DH and I was folding clothes. D2 stopped eating and came to me and said "Mommy, I'm sorry about this morning." I was surprised and stopped what I was doing and gave her a big hug and told her that I was sorry too and we'd have a better day tomorrow. I also told her I was so proud of her for apologizing because it takes a big girl to do that. We took the kids to church and went to eat dinner at the restaurant next door. We only had an hour because D2 & D3's program is only from 6-7p. We really enjoyed the hour to ourselves. While we were talking, I told DH that D2 had come to me and apologized. I thought that he had told her to apologize, but he didn't. She did that all on her own. He did ask her about her day while they were outside, and she told him about the oatmeal and not liking it, and that she didn't mind me when I told her to stand up and that I got upset. She didn't mention the throwing up episode. After we picked up the girls we went home and DH helped D2 with her homework while I helped D3 with her bath. When D3 & I came back down, I noticed that D2's homework paper was wet at the bottom. I asked about it, and D3 piped up and said that D2 put two bottles of milk in her backpack and they spilled while they were on the bus. At this DH asked D2 about it, because she had told him it was only water. So they had to discuss the fact that she lied to him. Then I had to discuss the fact that you can't save milk in your backpack. Ewwwwww. Then we found out that the milk was from eating breakfast at school. What? They eat breakfast at home. So the girls have been using their lunch ticket for breakfast too. I'm sure they didn't know they weren't supposed to or that it cost money. So I guess I'm thankful for what the spilled milk revealed! Somehow that conversation led into the throwing up episode. D2 assured DH that she did throw up. He assured her that she didn't. He told her that he used to tell lies when he was a kid too, and that it was wrong and that he could tell that she was lying. He told her that he is very disappointed when she lies to him. After a few tries, she FINALLY admitted that she did NOT throw up. I couldn't believe it. He really has a way with her. This morning I purposely was as sweet, nice and patient as I could be and it went very well. Except for the part where we missed the bus. But I still got to work at a good time. A sweet friend of mine is bringing supper to our house tonight. The same one that threw the shower for me. Thank God for the blessing of friends.

Monday & Tuesday & Today

Monday was the first day of school. I ran late getting the girls ready and we missed the bus. So I ended up taking them to school which is really what I should have done anyway. They had a good day and both girls said they like their new teachers. They came home with lots of things for me to sign and homework assignments. Between that and getting dinner ready, it was pretty crazy. Son was unhappy because the girls ran to him yelling "Son" and gave him hugs in front of all his friends. We talked to the girls about how 12 year old boys get embarrassed easily. Yesterday we had music lessons for D1 and Son after school, so it was pretty rushed when we got home. Both girls had a good second day. While D1 and Son were at their lesson, I took the girls to the store to buy some smaller jeans. All the ones I had received or bought were too big for them. But TODAY. Ugh. I had a hard time with D2 this morning. I'm still learning the best way to parent her and adjusting as I go. She was slow to come downstairs after I woke her up. I finally got her downstairs and she didn't want to eat her oatmeal. (I don't think I'm making oatmeal for her anymore). D3 loved her oatmeal and had thirds. THEN. After D2 ate her oatmeal, she told me she was going to throw up. I told her to run in the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. She ran in the bathroom, made a little gag sound, immediately flushed the toilet and came right out. She obviously did NOT throw up. But she was determined to claim she did. First of all, there was no splash. Secondly, a heave is a lot louder than the little gag she faked. Thirdly, her breath was fresh and sweet and had no vomit smell. I checked. But she insisted that she threw up. I told that I knew she didn't, she knew she didn't and God knew she didn't. I told her to just drop it and stop saying it and let's just go on and have a good morning. She never admitted the truth. When we got upstairs, I laid out all the jeans we bought last night and told the girls they could pick one to wear, and choose a sweater. D3 grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater and started getting dressed. D2 immediately said she wanted the ones D3 had. I told her that there were four other pairs just like D3's and to choose one. She didn't move. So I told her she had lost her chance to choose what to wear and I would pick. I chose some jeans and a sweater and told her to stand up. She didn't move. I raised my voice (this is where I messed up) and ordered her to stand up. She got up and started crying, but no tears, just her voice. I tried to comfort her and I put her on my lap and hugged her, but she continued to cry. Not knowing what to do since this was the first time I've seen her cry, and having no idea if this would continue for seconds or hours, I decided to just go on and get her dressed. She continued to cry while I dressed her and put her shoes on. I started talking to her about what we were doing and asking questions, and she would answer me but kept crying. Finally I told her that I needed her to listen to me because I had something to say. I told her to stop making noise, but she could continue to cry with no sound if she needed to. After a couple of tries, she finally stopped and listened. I told her that we had a bad morning today, but we could just start over from now. I told her that I shouldn't have raised my voice and I was sorry. I hugged her and told her that I will never hurt her, even when I get upset, and that I will feed her and care for her and teach her and love her and be her mommy. I also told her that I wouldn't make her eat oatmeal again. All through that drama, D3 just quietly got dressed and asked for help when she needed it. Yesterday, D3 snuck things to school without permission and then got grounded from those things. She had specifically been told not to take them to school. D2 was told that she could take her purse to school as long as it was empty. Today I decided to check their backpacks thoroughly to make sure I knew what they were taking. I was holding D2's backpack and I asked her if anything was in there that wasn't supposed to be. She assured me there wasn't. I checked it and sure enough there was her purse stuffed full of the things I told her not to take to school. So I took it and she gets it back in one day. And then they got on the bus and went to school. And then I went back home and called DH and told him the whole story. And he thinks I shouldn't have told D2 she didn't have to eat oatmeal. And I told him he needs to try doing my job in the mornings. It's tough right now.

Saturday Night & Sunday

Toward the end of our shopping trip, we stopped and had soft pretzels with marinara sauce. We bowed our heads to pray before eating. The girls always remember that we should pray. When I thanked God for the food, and then for my three daughters, my throat closed and I teared up and couldn't speak. I choked out an "Amen" and D1 peeked up at my quizzically and realized I was overcome. It's gotten pretty common for me these days. The girls had never had a soft pretzel before. D3 ate most of her pretzel, but D2 picked at hers and D1 ended up eating two. There was a fountain outside the mall that we could see, so we all went outside to throw in a penny and make a wish. I counted to three and we all threw them at the same time. I loved it. DH's dad was there when we got home from shopping. Both girls called "Hi Papa" as soon as they saw him. He was charmed. We took some pictures with all of us next to the tractor, plus three neighbor girls that came by to meet the "new adopted kids". On Saturday night I made some veggie sloppy joes and both girls said they didn't like it before they even knew what it was. D3 watched me chopping green bell peppers and onions and was sure she wouldn't like it. She pointed at a large pile of chopped peppers and asked if she had to eat all that. I told her that she wouldn't even taste it when it was all mixed together. I'm not sure if either girl had ever put anything green in their mouths before coming to our house. We got to the table and D3 was willing to try it but D2 wasn't. DH got fed up and told everyone that we would eat what Mommy makes and we don't waste the food that God provides for us. It was the first time he had been stern around them. D3 piped up that she liked it and would eat it, but a stormcloud settled on D2's face. She quietly agreed to eat it. We lightly covered their bread with the sloppy joe filling and cut their sandwiches in half so they didn't have to eat the whole thing. D3 ate one half, loved it, and asked for the other half. D2 took a few bites and said her stomach hurt and wouldn't eat any more. We let her stop, but we saved what was left. D3 ate it the next day! We all watched the Incredibles together until bedtime. Both girls got a bath before bed in order to be fresh and clean on Sunday morning. Because we sing in the choir and practice before church, we had to leave the house by 7:40 am. It actually went quite well. I dressed the girls in their new clothes and they both looked like little princesses. I brought them some Polly Pocket play pads to work on while we practiced in the choir. They sat on the front row and watched. Our pastor came in and saw them and beamed. He went over to meet them and D2 informed him "We're part of the Lastname family now!" D3 got tired of coloring and was more interested in the music. She stood up and sang along and swayed and looked adorable. Eventually D2 joined her and they clapped and sang along. Everyone in the choir was smiling at them. We took them to Children's Church and all the teachers welcomed them. Everyone has known for weeks that we were bringing the girls soon. Sadly, D3 was upset when we started to leave her there. It was the first time I saw her cry. Huge tears ran down her cheeks and her breathing was a little jerky but otherwise not a sound. She clung to me and didn't want me to go. DH took her hand and she went to him and he told me to leave. Then he also eased away and several of the ladies began talking to her and trying to console her. I stood outside the door with tears streaming, not sure what to do. From what I've read, I knew she was probably in there thinking she had been abandoned once again and we were never coming back. It tore my heart out. I'm choking up right now just remembering. A friend saw me and comforted me when I told her what was happening. Church was starting so I had to get on the stage. I prayed that God would take care of her. D2 was doing great. About halfway through the singing, I saw the children's minister's wife, J, sitting outside the sanctuary with D3. (We have large plate glass windows across the back of the sanctuary). D3 looked happy and was waving at me. They sat there for about 15 minutes, and all the while I was anxiously waiting for the music to be over so I could go to her. But before I could get off the stage, they got up and J gave me the thumbs up signal and they left. So I stayed for the rest of the service and we went on to Sunday School. Five minutes into it, J showed up and told me that D3 was inconsolable and needed me. I nearly ran to get there. She was sitting at the front of the room with the teacher with tears running down her face. She saw me and ran to me, with the hugest smile and surprise on her face. I took her out of the room and hugged her and we went downstairs to walk around. We saw a friend who has connections in the kitchen, and he took us there to load up D3 with sweets. He gave her a giant handful of chocolate chips in a bowl and a package of chocolate donuts. We sat on a bench outside while she ate them. She put the donuts in her little purse. I reassured her that I was there and wouldn't leave her and that I would always return for her. She said she just missed me. After we sat there a while, I asked her if she would like to return to class and I would stay there with her. We went back and I sat in a chair while she played a game with the other kids. After that I asked her if she would be okay if I went back to my class and she said yes. It worked and we made it through the rest of the time. D1 picked the girls up at their classes and brought them to our class. When we were finished all four of my kids came in, and everyone was so glad to meet our new children. We went to have lunch after church and the girls were so excited. They had their first made to order big burrito! Both girls said they wanted two, haha, but they could barely finish the half they had. After that we went to the Christian bookstore and both girls and Son got new bibles. D1 bought a bible study book she needed and the first Left Behind book. She has already read the kids series and wants to do the adult series now. From there we went home and we all got our shoes on and went for a walk around our land. D3 kept wanting us to carry her, and D2 was our fearless leader. We also spent some time doing a little archery, and everyone from the largest to the smallest tried it. While D1, D3 and I were watching, D1 was sitting on the trampoline frame. D3 said she wanted to but it was too high for her. She commented that big kids get to do everything. I told her that she will be a big kid some day, and she said "but I won't be here then". She still really doesn't understand what adoption means. She thinks that she'll leave eventually. She also told me the night before to sign the paper I was coloring for her so she could remember me. I wish I could help her understand but it will just take time. Sunday night we took them to children's choir practice for the Christmas musical. D2 participated well, but D3 was unsure and was on and off the stage and our laps the whole time. We stayed for the evening service and it went way over the announced time. We got home late and had to hurry through dinner and bedtime. During putting Son to bed, he expressed how jealous he is of D3. Tears were rolling down his face. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I can't stand for my kids to be sad, and I felt like it was all my fault and I had ruined his life. I just thank God for my wonderful husband who held me later while I cried and helped me see that Son will be fine and we have to give it time. I never realized before now how much my kids emotions are tied to mine. DH told me that I was feeling guilty for bringing the girls into our home. I told him "we can't send them back" and he said "I don't want to send them back, even if we could." I'm so thankful for his support. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without him. Before bed, D3 told a lie. She threw away a piece of bread she had just asked for and DH found it in the trash. He asked her if she had eaten it and she assured him she had. Then he showed it to her and told her that we don't waste food, and not to ask for food if she wasn't going to eat it. D2 was also unhappy about her food choices that night because we didn't have any white bread, only wheat. D3 said she had a sore throat, so I gave her some of the chewable cough and cold medicine. When DH tucked her in, he noticed a purple slobbery mess on her window sill and floor right behind her headboard. He pulled her out of bed and we made her clean up the mess. I felt so sorry for her and mad about the purple stain on the carpet, but much more sorry for her. So with D2's sad face and D3's tears and Son's jealousy, that's why I was a blubbering mess when I went to bed that night. D1 was the only one unaffected. I'll write about Monday tomorrow, but let me just say things are going well and you could pray for us as we continue to transition.

Saturday

On Saturday morning, D3 was the first one up. We had absolutely no trouble with them overnight. In fact, every night has been great with them sleeping all night. D3 came down stairs with a little hoarse voice and a slight cough. D2 slept about an hour longer. I made two pieces of toast for D3 and D1. Son & DH had a boys' day planned and we had a girls' day planned. The boys left early and went to eat at the Waffle House, then went out to see the gigantic new sporting goods store. D2 got up and requested two pieces of toast, but only ate half of one. We packed up the leftovers in a tupperware container and brought it with us in the car. We brought granola bars and bottled water and off we went. Our first stop was the drugstore because I didn't prestock any kids' meds. D1 and Son are big enough to take adult med now and swallow pills, so I didn't even think of that. I bought liquid cold medicine and pain medicine, and some chewable cough & cold medicine, grape flavor. I gave some medicine to D3. Then we went to the car wash. D2 said they had done that before, but D2 says they have done everything before. It was obvious from their excitement and questions that they had never watched the car roll by and get washed. It was cute and fun. From there we headed to Academy to buy tennis shoes. D2's were worn out and D3 had boy shoes that she didn't like. We bought really cute shoes for both of them. After that we went to Target and got more socks and underwear. We also bought a book for each girl and used the $2 coupons they gave me. You should always make sure your adopted kids come with coupons! LOL Then we rushed to make their noon hair appointments. FM had really butchered their hair. D2's bangs are so short they stick out. Her hair was cut into three levels, with bangs, a terrible harsh bilevel and then straight across the back. The second level was cut so far back that it really can't be blended in. It was a very harsh and choppy look. The stylist layered it to soften the look as much as she could, but it will just have to grow out. Both girls have said they want long hair and I've told them that is fine with me (ha, coming from a person with hair to her waist). D3's hair was in much better shape, and she has a cute little Dorothy Hamil style now. Then we went shopping and bought lots of pretty school clothes and some cute church clothes for when it gets a bit colder. More later.

So Much To Say, But So Little Time To Say It

We picked up the girls Friday morning at 8am. Their foster mom had them packed and ready to go. There were only a couple of small bags because we took most of it Wednesday night. On the way out the door, Foster Mom warned me that both the kids had LICE. Oops! So I knew that a trip by the grocery store would be warranted that day. I wasn't too upset, because I've dealt with it before when my older kids were in daycare, it's just been a long time.

We went home and unpacked the van and introduced the girls to the cats. They love the cats. They have each claimed an outside cat as their own. This is when we found out we have a picky eater. I offered cereal to the girls, and D3 said yes but D2 said no. Shortly after this, we took D1 to school. On the way there, we saw a sign in town that had been painted just for us! (We live in a small town). It said "Congrats Lastnames" and had a picture painted of two little girls. On the other side it said "Welcome Home D2 & D3". Four of my friends had gone at 11pm the night before and painted it for us. It was so sweet, and we stopped and took pictures with the whole family beside it.

After we dropped D1 off at school, we went to Albertson's for mayonnaise and to CVS for a special comb. Both the girls and Son got a new blanket that Albertson's had on sale. We went back home and all had a sandwich together. My picky eater, D2, wanted to peel her crust off. We got out the veggie tray, and D2 wanted tomatoes but D3 wanted none of it. We took Son to school (late) and then took the girls to be enrolled in their new elementary school. We had been told that D3 would have to attend a different elementary because the first grade was experiencing overflow, but when we got there we found out a first grader had left just last week! There was only one spot and D3 got it! Huge sigh of relief all around. Then it was straight back home to roll up my sleeves and get to work! There won't be any lice problems in my house! D2 went first, and D3 went outside to watch Daddy work on the van. (He's installing a trailer hitch.) I told D2 to bathe thoroughly, and then I washed her hair and treated it with lots of mayonnaise. I'll spare you the details, but let me just say she had a BAD case of lice. I'm shocked that Foster Mom let it get so bad. However, we had noticed on our visits that our new daughters had strong body odor that had been camouflaged with perfume. So maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. It's just that our agency had always talked about Foster Mom in such glowing colors. And I think she did do a good job with them behaviorally, just not hygenically. Also, D2 told me that Foster Mom's daughter S had advised her and D3 "not to scratch too much or they might send you back". Ugh! I reassured D2 that I would never send her back, and that we would take care of the lice, and it wasn't her fault she had it. After D2 was fresh and clean, it was D3's turn. I instructed her on how and where to wash her body so she would smell sweet. She told me that she was going to miss her friends at school. Then she told me that some of her friends told her that she stinks, and she didn't understand that because she wears perfume! I told her that at our house we would bathe a lot and she would never have to worry about stinking again. Both girls seemed to really enjoy getting a bath. I asked D2 how often FM bathed them and washed their hair and her answer was "not very often". I don't know what that means to an 8 year old, but it didn't sound good. Five to six hours later, the girls were clean and sweet smelling and lice free, and my back felt like it was about to break in two. D1 came home from school and helped us hang up some of the girls' clothes. After that we had supper with leftover sandwiches from lunch, sweet potatoes, crackers and veggie tray. It's what we usually call a "free-for-all". D3 absolutely loved the sweet potatoes and was willing to try some things on the veggie tray. D2 wouldn't eat the sweet potato at all. After dinner everyone except Son (who was at a birthday party) sat down together to watch "Winnie the Pooh and Christmas too". We have a large collection of children's movies since it hasn't been that long since our kids were little. Both girls snuggled on the couch between DH & me with their new blankets, and D1 sat on the loveseat. D3 was insistent that D1 sit with us too, but it would have been very squished and D1 wasn't interested. Finally, D3 went to sit with D1 for a while. She seems to be a sweet child who is concerned about others' feelings. Son finally got home. We waited for him so we could all have Oreos together before bed. It was a good first day. I'll try to blog later about Saturday and Sunday..

I'm In Tears...

The people I work with just presented me with a card of congratulations and the collection they took up for me! Praise the Lord!

My Heart is Full

Last night we all went to visit with the girls again. We took them to Chicken Express and Walmart as requested. Both girls are calling us "Mommy" and "Daddy" quite naturally now. They even called me "Mama" a couple of times. It was very sweet. What feels weird is having to go "visit" our kids, and then leave them there at the end of the night.

Foster Mom had a great idea to let us take some of their stuff home with us last night. That way we won't have so much to move TOMORROW MORNING!! We are picking them up at 8am tomorrow. We are all very excited. The greatest blessing is that even my son is getting excited. He was very reluctant at first about the adoption, but now that he has met them and gotten to know them a little, he is eager to bring them home.

We really began to feel like a family last night. And I think it happened at Walmart. Kind of weird, huh? But there's something about buying mouthwash and socks with your kids that just feels so normal, and they were right there with us, and it just fit.

Last night D3 asked us if we would pray with her at night. She is also scared of wolves.

We bought them their first ever Polly Pockets.

D2 has a really pretty face under all that chopped up hair.

The girls are being loving to all of us. They easily hug me, DH, D1 and Son. In fact last night Son had them both hugging him at the same time, and they nearly took him down! and D3 has a bad habit of lifting her feet when you lean over to give her a hug. Both DH & I have nearly bit the dust from that one.

Just one more day. 25.5 hours in fact. :)

I love it!

During reading one of my favorite blogs today, Building the Bigger Family, I saw a reference to this. Please check it out!

Almost There

We're going back to visit the girls again tonight. We'll pick up D1 and Son from school and go straight to pick up D2 & D3. We'll have about two hours with them, in which we'll take them to eat and then probably head to Walmart. D3 was pleading with us to go to Walmart on Monday, for who knows what crazy reason...but maybe for a six year old it's a great place.

Foster Mom will be withdrawing the girls from their school today. They have an appointment for a complete physical with their doctor tomorrow morning, and then they will see their therapist in the afternoon. I'm going to meet them at the agency tomorrow so I can visit with their therapist and then visit with them after the appointment.

DH & I are taking the day off on Friday, and we'll be picking up the girls and all their stuff Friday morning. Son is going with us, and D1 might. D1 is very serious about school and is in all advanced classes, so she has to make sure that it won't be difficult to make up what she will miss.

Son is going to a birthday party Friday night. His best friend invited him, and Son told him that he was sure he couldn't go because we were bring home his sisters that day. But he told me about it and he was sad, and I told him I didn't see any reason why he couldn't go. He was surprised and happy. I told him that our lives weren't ending just because the girls were coming to live with us, and that we have our whole lives to spend with each other and it won't hurt for him to be gone for a couple of hours that day. In fact, it might be nice for the girls to see that their siblings attend parties, and also for us to have a little more quality time with them with less kids in the house for a while.

D1 & I are taking the girls out shopping on Saturday. I scheduled them for a haircut at noon that day. Their hair needs some serious attention. Foster Mom cuts it herself, and obviously has no skill whatsoever. It is very uneven, and poor D2 has such short bangs that it will be very difficult to do anything with them until they grow out. I'm thinking a layered bob will look cute on both girls in the meantime.

Hopefully the girls will have calmed down a bit now that they have met us, and we'll see them more as they really are tonight. They weren't hyper when we met them the first time, so I know that they were just excited on Monday, and trying to make a good impression. It certainly wasn't out of hand, but it was enough to worry their big brother that they might be annoying. I'm sure that they will annoy him sometimes, but I don't think that being overly hyper will be a problem. I guess we'll see.

Last Night

Last night we took our kids with us to meet the girls for the first time. On the way, we were all nervous, excited, anxious...except my husband, who was calm. We listened to praise music and sang songs, and when we got there we said a prayer and shed a few tears.

When we first walked in, both girls were standing about 15 feet away peeking at us and waving. I waved back and then sank to my knees. Both girls ran to me and threw their arms around my neck, and I wrapped my arms around them and thanked God for such a wonderful welcome from them.

We took them to McDonald's. They were excited and a little wild, but they obeyed me easily when I corrected them. They wanted to know when we would be coming to visit and when they would be going home with us.

On the way back to the car, D2 asked me if we were going to change our minds. I knew that the girls would probably be worried about this because of what happened to their foster sister, N. N's adopted-mom-to-be was supposed to show up to her graduation from adoption class, but didn't. The adults told her that she must have gotten sick and would contact her the next day. But of course, that didn't happen.

So our conversation went like this:

D2: Are you going to change you mind? (in a pleading, "I hope not" tone)
Me: No, we will not change our minds. (At this point I stopped and knelt in front of both girls)
Me: We want you to come and live with us, and we will definitely not change our minds.
D2: But what if you get sick on Friday? Will you still come to get us on Saturday?
Me: Even if I am sick on Friday, I will come to get you on Friday.
D2: Yea!
My Sweet Husband: And even if Mommy is so sick that she can't come get you, I will come get you on Friday.
Both New Daughters: Yea!
Me: I truly want you to understand how much we mean it, we aren't going to change our minds.
D3: Ok, let's go. (And she pulled DH along to the van)

Haha!

But the very sad part is this. When we arrived to pick up the girls, the little girl N (who was a sweet looking little girl, by the way) was in the foyer. She watched all the hugging and happiness with big sad eyes. The same happened when we returned. I felt like I was waving my candy in front of her face, knowing that she couldn't have any. It was horrible. When I got home last night, I was in tears for her pain, even though we had just had a wonderful time as a new family with our girls. DH and I even tentatively discussed what it would be like to just adopt her too. But we have absolutely no history on her, and truly I don't feel God calling us to do this. Agency Worker told me this morning that a couple of other families are being considered for her, so please pray that next time will be permanent for her, and that the next family will cherish her as the gift from God that she is.

D1 loved getting called "Sissy" by the girls, and really enjoyed her time with them. Son was a little more drawn to the older girl, because the younger one was very excited and a bit hyper. I reassured him that the girls were just very excited last night, and they will calm down after we get them home and we all get used to each other.

We're supposed to visit with them again tomorrow night, and then pick them up on Friday morning and take them home. Forever.

Changes Already

D says there is no way she can have the subsidy paperwork done by Thursday. So we are on to Plan B. The girls will come to our house for respite care starting Friday. They will still start school in our district on Monday, and their permanency staffing will take place on the 18th. In a way this is a better schedule for us, because we won't have to miss as much work.

But something terribly sad has just happened in their foster home. Another little girl just found out she was being adopted, and she is around the same age as my girls. She was already told all about her new parents, and they were supposed to be taking her on a trip this weekend. But yesterday, the new mom came to meet her for the first time and CHANGED HER MIND. I asked Agency Worker if the little girl had misbehaved or anything, and she said NOT AT ALL. So I don't know what happened, but the little girl is crushed. I'm so sad for her, and I'm also concerned about how it may be affecting my little girls. I don't want them to think we might change our minds, but you know they have to be wondering. I can't believe that those people let it go this far, and let the girl be told all about it, and then would back out like that! They had already read her file and seen pictures, so I can't imagine what happened. It must be so hard to lose your parents and everything you know, only to be rejected again! I pray that God has an absolutely glorious home planned for her with the best parents in the world who can help heal all the hurts she has endured.

I want to reassure my girls that we won't be changing our minds. I hope we get the chance to do that tonight. We were told that due to the circumstances, we could probably begin visiting them right away. We're taking them up on it. :)

Feeling Better & Lots to Say

We got the files on Friday. AND we found out that the girls will be coming home with us on Friday! Their foster mom is leaving town on Saturday to go on a cruise for a week. That is fine with us, because the sooner we get them the better as far as we are concerned.

There was only one minor item in their files that we didn't know. It certainly wasn't anything that would make us decide not to adopt them. It was NOT the painful emotional experience that I was dreading. It was a relief to find that all pertinent information had already been revealed to us. It was such strange and exciting to call Agency Worker this morning and say YES. I felt like I was accepting a marriage proposal or something!

We are still waiting for a bit of paperwork to be cleared up, so please send up prayers that the workers D & K will make our adoption a top priority this week. Agency Worker said the agency is willing to go all the way up the ladder at CPS to make sure this happens this week. There is nowhere for the girls to go next week if we don't get this done, so there's really no other choice.

I talked to Foster Mom today. She said that Girl1 is very excited and happy. Girl2 is scared and mad. She still wants to go home to her "real" mommy & daddy, and she doesn't understand why they haven't been coming to visit. Foster Mom has been trying to explain things to her as best she can. Girl2 got to see our family book last week when they told her that we were adopting her, and she was excited about it. She asked a couple of questions. One was "do my new mommy and daddy drink?" She also asked "so when we go to live with them, we won't get tooked away no more?" These questions really speak to the pain and worry going on in her life, and it's so sad that a six year old child has to worry about things like that. Both girls have expressed a desire to have a big yard and animals at their new house, and God has definitely granted them that! We live in the country with six cats, three dogs and a turtle!

I'm so excited I could burst. I know this week is going to fly by. On Thursday we will meet with CPS to finalize the paperwork, and then we will have an opportunity to visit with them that afternoon. Daughter & Son are both skipping school that day so they will be able to meet the girls before they move in the next day. It is really unfortunate that they will only meet them once before moving in, but it can't be helped. I don't know yet what time we'll be picking up the girls on Friday. I'm kind of hoping for Friday morning in order to give us more time with them over the weekend before they start school on Monday and we get into the regular routine.

I'll keep you informed as I learn more!

I'm Sick

My son has been home for four days from school with a virus. My husband caught it too, on the same day. It started for me last night. It's a classic cold: sore throat and runny nose. Blah.

Things are going smoothly with the adoption procedures. I am turning in my subsidy paperwork and picking up the girls' files this afternoon. I'm excited, but scared. I'm excited because things are moving along and it looks like we are on schedule to bring the girls home next weekend. But I'm also scared. I'm scared to read the file. I know that it is going to be gut wrenching to read about the girls' history. In a way, I'd rather not know. I know how upset I will be after I read the file.

I'm going to buy some Godiva truffles today. I'm getting some for Agency Worker, K & my friend J who is throwing the shower for me tomorrow. I want to let them all know how much I appreciate what they have done for me.

Please pray for DH & me over the weekend as we read the file.

The Saga Continues

Now I'm up to my ears in subsidy paperwork. I'm supposed to have the papers filled out and turned in to Agency Worker Friday morning. The fact that I do a weekly budget has saved my life. I was able to just look through it and come up with pretty good estimates of what we currently spend and how much we think the girls' expenses will be. I asked the state to pay for half of what I estimated the amount to be, and it's a little bit over what I was told the maximum we could expect would be. So I know we won't get what we're requesting, but I may as well ask and let them figure out what to offer.

K called Agency Worker and told her that she won't be able to give her the girl's files tomorrow and it will most likely be Friday, because D didn't come through today as promised. Please continue to pray that D will not hold up the process. I WANT MY GIRLS.

At one point today it was discussed that we might be able to attend the girls' graduation from their adoption prep classes on Friday. However, K nixed that idea. She really, really doesn't want us to visit them until after the placement staffing on the 10th. That leaves us Friday night the 11th to visit them and then hopefully the 12th to bring them home. They may force us to only visit on the 12th and then bring them home on the 13th. But Foster Mom is leaving for vacation that day, so it's really a bad idea to do it that way. On top of that I had my heart set on taking them to church with us on the 13th, AND DH teaches our Sunday School class. Of course that isn't a deal breaker and we'll miss church if we have to, we'd just rather not.

I'm planning to buy the girl's school supplies on Friday. I have their lists already printed out. I also plan to buy outfits for their first visit to church with us. I'm doubtful I will get many church clothes at the shower. There just weren't any dresses to choose from at Target. The only ones they had were more suited to fancy Christmas parties, not a regular day at church.

TEN DAYS. Ten days is so long, and so short! I feel strongly both ways! I have a lot to get done before they come, but on the other hand I'd go pick them up tonight if I could.

SADNESS. My mom isn't on the bandwagon yet. I've tried and tried to get her excited about the adoption and she just isn't. All she can think about is ME, and how this will impact ME. She tells me that I have "too much on me" already. After the first few months of that, I told her to please stop talking about it. Every time I would call her to give her good news I was excited about, she would drop the proverbial bucket of ice water on my head. It makes me sad, because I wanted her to be excited with me. She acts like I'm a child who can't make decisions for myself, and she's still trying to control my life and tell me what I can and can't handle.

A while back I stopped trying to convince her. We had a heart to heart, and I told her how much her attitude disappointed me, and she told me that I should consider how I would feel if my daughter was doing something that I really felt would impact her life in a negative way. We were at an impasse, both understanding each other's feelings and not happy about it.

So every time I get good news now, she is the last person I call. I hate for it to be that way but I'm tired of her spoiling the moment. Even last night when I called to let her know that CPS had got on board with us and we'd be getting the girls on the 12th. all she could say was "I'm glad you got what you wanted. That's what you wanted and you got it." She tried to sound happy but it was obviously forced. She has never once said "I can't wait to meet the girls" or asked any questions that weren't related to their abuse history. Even when I've tried to garner some sympathy for them by sharing some things about their past, I've been met with raised eyebrows instead of something along the lines of "those poor dears". You can bet I won't be sharing any more information with her like that.

And that brings up another sore subject. When I tell people that we are adopting, they have lots of questions. I'm really okay with that. There is only one question I've gotten repeatedly that really bothers me. ***Are they from a rough family?*** Okay, duh. What do you think? Of course they are from a rough family. But that isn't really what they are asking. What they really want to know is what is their abuse history? Were they beaten? starved? and the biggee - sexually abused? Well, that's none of anyone's business and I'm not sharing that information, here or anywhere else. They are my babies and I will protect that information just as if it were about me or one of my birth kids. My standard response is this ***Well, yes, they are from a rough family. If they weren't, they wouldn't have been taken away from their parents.*** I say this in the gentlest, least sarcastic way possible. But it really makes me seethe. And then I follow it with this statement, which I believe with my whole heart ***We are all God's children, and we all deserve to have a good home. If the things that have happened to them had happened to me, I would hope that someone would be willing to love me and help me and not see me as unworthy to be their child because of it.*** That usually garners agreement and good feelings and we go on from there.

Please continue to pray for us, and particularly my girls. At their graduation on Friday, they will be shown our family album that I put together this morning. Agency Worker is making a copy for each girl. Their teacher for the adoption prep class is going to give them the news and the albums, and their foster mom will be there with them for support and to help them understand. I hope that it will be taken as good news, but it might not. They are still grieving for what they have lost, and we may feel like interlopers to them.

Now I'm emotionally exhausted so I'll stop here.

Praise God

That's all I can say. Hallelujah to our glorious God in heaven.

CPS has lined out a schedule to bring our girls home to us on or before the 13th. The placement staffing will be held on the 10th if everything goes as planned.

Thanks for praying!!

Getting Creative

I just talked to Agency Worker. I told her that we might be able to do the respite care for the girls. I'm speaking completely out of turn because I haven't had a chance to run it by DH yet. But I've been thinking that since the girls' school hours are 7:45 - 3:00, (I looked it up this morning on the school website) I might be able to take them to school and drop them off early and still make it to work by 8 or 815. DH could pick them up early each day on his way home from work. That's not ideal, but it's much better than them missing a whole week of school.

But Agency Worker had an idea that sounds even better. She suggested that we do the respite care, but enroll them in our school district. Sometime during that week the paperwork could be completed and the girls would never have to leave. At worst, they would go back their Foster Mom for a few days and return to us for the Thanksgiving holidays permanently.

I'm very excited! I know that my girls will be home soon. Can you believe I still need to clean out their closet? We've been so freakin busy the past two months, but I'll hit it hard Saturday morning before the shower.

Agency Worker asked me to remember these verses:

Phillipians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Trouble Sleeping

I didn't have such a great night. I think I have caught what Cindy has.

I'm so worried about my girls. After finding out that they might have to miss a whole week of school, I'm really upset. And if they do find respite care for them, who will it be? I don't want my kids staying with strangers. I know that sounds weird maybe since I don't even have them yet, but I already feel responsible for them and care about their welfare. I don't want them to stay with people I don't know. And I don't want them to miss a week of school. And there's not a blame thing I can do about it.

I really hope that CPS will just get on the ball and get my girls home to me quickly. Please continue to pray that my family is united soon.

Also please say a prayer for my husband and son who are both home sick with the crud today.