Saturday Night & Sunday

Toward the end of our shopping trip, we stopped and had soft pretzels with marinara sauce. We bowed our heads to pray before eating. The girls always remember that we should pray. When I thanked God for the food, and then for my three daughters, my throat closed and I teared up and couldn't speak. I choked out an "Amen" and D1 peeked up at my quizzically and realized I was overcome. It's gotten pretty common for me these days. The girls had never had a soft pretzel before. D3 ate most of her pretzel, but D2 picked at hers and D1 ended up eating two. There was a fountain outside the mall that we could see, so we all went outside to throw in a penny and make a wish. I counted to three and we all threw them at the same time. I loved it. DH's dad was there when we got home from shopping. Both girls called "Hi Papa" as soon as they saw him. He was charmed. We took some pictures with all of us next to the tractor, plus three neighbor girls that came by to meet the "new adopted kids". On Saturday night I made some veggie sloppy joes and both girls said they didn't like it before they even knew what it was. D3 watched me chopping green bell peppers and onions and was sure she wouldn't like it. She pointed at a large pile of chopped peppers and asked if she had to eat all that. I told her that she wouldn't even taste it when it was all mixed together. I'm not sure if either girl had ever put anything green in their mouths before coming to our house. We got to the table and D3 was willing to try it but D2 wasn't. DH got fed up and told everyone that we would eat what Mommy makes and we don't waste the food that God provides for us. It was the first time he had been stern around them. D3 piped up that she liked it and would eat it, but a stormcloud settled on D2's face. She quietly agreed to eat it. We lightly covered their bread with the sloppy joe filling and cut their sandwiches in half so they didn't have to eat the whole thing. D3 ate one half, loved it, and asked for the other half. D2 took a few bites and said her stomach hurt and wouldn't eat any more. We let her stop, but we saved what was left. D3 ate it the next day! We all watched the Incredibles together until bedtime. Both girls got a bath before bed in order to be fresh and clean on Sunday morning. Because we sing in the choir and practice before church, we had to leave the house by 7:40 am. It actually went quite well. I dressed the girls in their new clothes and they both looked like little princesses. I brought them some Polly Pocket play pads to work on while we practiced in the choir. They sat on the front row and watched. Our pastor came in and saw them and beamed. He went over to meet them and D2 informed him "We're part of the Lastname family now!" D3 got tired of coloring and was more interested in the music. She stood up and sang along and swayed and looked adorable. Eventually D2 joined her and they clapped and sang along. Everyone in the choir was smiling at them. We took them to Children's Church and all the teachers welcomed them. Everyone has known for weeks that we were bringing the girls soon. Sadly, D3 was upset when we started to leave her there. It was the first time I saw her cry. Huge tears ran down her cheeks and her breathing was a little jerky but otherwise not a sound. She clung to me and didn't want me to go. DH took her hand and she went to him and he told me to leave. Then he also eased away and several of the ladies began talking to her and trying to console her. I stood outside the door with tears streaming, not sure what to do. From what I've read, I knew she was probably in there thinking she had been abandoned once again and we were never coming back. It tore my heart out. I'm choking up right now just remembering. A friend saw me and comforted me when I told her what was happening. Church was starting so I had to get on the stage. I prayed that God would take care of her. D2 was doing great. About halfway through the singing, I saw the children's minister's wife, J, sitting outside the sanctuary with D3. (We have large plate glass windows across the back of the sanctuary). D3 looked happy and was waving at me. They sat there for about 15 minutes, and all the while I was anxiously waiting for the music to be over so I could go to her. But before I could get off the stage, they got up and J gave me the thumbs up signal and they left. So I stayed for the rest of the service and we went on to Sunday School. Five minutes into it, J showed up and told me that D3 was inconsolable and needed me. I nearly ran to get there. She was sitting at the front of the room with the teacher with tears running down her face. She saw me and ran to me, with the hugest smile and surprise on her face. I took her out of the room and hugged her and we went downstairs to walk around. We saw a friend who has connections in the kitchen, and he took us there to load up D3 with sweets. He gave her a giant handful of chocolate chips in a bowl and a package of chocolate donuts. We sat on a bench outside while she ate them. She put the donuts in her little purse. I reassured her that I was there and wouldn't leave her and that I would always return for her. She said she just missed me. After we sat there a while, I asked her if she would like to return to class and I would stay there with her. We went back and I sat in a chair while she played a game with the other kids. After that I asked her if she would be okay if I went back to my class and she said yes. It worked and we made it through the rest of the time. D1 picked the girls up at their classes and brought them to our class. When we were finished all four of my kids came in, and everyone was so glad to meet our new children. We went to have lunch after church and the girls were so excited. They had their first made to order big burrito! Both girls said they wanted two, haha, but they could barely finish the half they had. After that we went to the Christian bookstore and both girls and Son got new bibles. D1 bought a bible study book she needed and the first Left Behind book. She has already read the kids series and wants to do the adult series now. From there we went home and we all got our shoes on and went for a walk around our land. D3 kept wanting us to carry her, and D2 was our fearless leader. We also spent some time doing a little archery, and everyone from the largest to the smallest tried it. While D1, D3 and I were watching, D1 was sitting on the trampoline frame. D3 said she wanted to but it was too high for her. She commented that big kids get to do everything. I told her that she will be a big kid some day, and she said "but I won't be here then". She still really doesn't understand what adoption means. She thinks that she'll leave eventually. She also told me the night before to sign the paper I was coloring for her so she could remember me. I wish I could help her understand but it will just take time. Sunday night we took them to children's choir practice for the Christmas musical. D2 participated well, but D3 was unsure and was on and off the stage and our laps the whole time. We stayed for the evening service and it went way over the announced time. We got home late and had to hurry through dinner and bedtime. During putting Son to bed, he expressed how jealous he is of D3. Tears were rolling down his face. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I can't stand for my kids to be sad, and I felt like it was all my fault and I had ruined his life. I just thank God for my wonderful husband who held me later while I cried and helped me see that Son will be fine and we have to give it time. I never realized before now how much my kids emotions are tied to mine. DH told me that I was feeling guilty for bringing the girls into our home. I told him "we can't send them back" and he said "I don't want to send them back, even if we could." I'm so thankful for his support. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without him. Before bed, D3 told a lie. She threw away a piece of bread she had just asked for and DH found it in the trash. He asked her if she had eaten it and she assured him she had. Then he showed it to her and told her that we don't waste food, and not to ask for food if she wasn't going to eat it. D2 was also unhappy about her food choices that night because we didn't have any white bread, only wheat. D3 said she had a sore throat, so I gave her some of the chewable cough and cold medicine. When DH tucked her in, he noticed a purple slobbery mess on her window sill and floor right behind her headboard. He pulled her out of bed and we made her clean up the mess. I felt so sorry for her and mad about the purple stain on the carpet, but much more sorry for her. So with D2's sad face and D3's tears and Son's jealousy, that's why I was a blubbering mess when I went to bed that night. D1 was the only one unaffected. I'll write about Monday tomorrow, but let me just say things are going well and you could pray for us as we continue to transition.