Thursday, November 17, 2005

Much Better

After talking with DH about yesterday morning, he decided to talk to D2 about what happened. When they came home from school DH invited D2 to go outside with him while I helped D3 with her homework. D1 and her friend went upstairs to hang out like teens and Son had gone to the Wednesday Boys after school. It was really nice and quiet while I helped D3 with her homework. I heated a frozen pizza pocket for the girls to eat before church. D1 and Son always eat at church and DH and I usually take that time to eat out alone. I offered to let D2 and D3 stay home with us for the evening but they really wanted to go to church. I didn't want D3 to be upset, but she assured me she wouldn't cry this time. I went outside and called in D2 to eat her dinner. She and DH were picking the last tomatoes before the expected freeze. They came in and D2 loved the pizza pocket. She ate all of hers and part of D3's, because D3 didn't like it. D3 finished up and went to color pictures with DH and I was folding clothes. D2 stopped eating and came to me and said "Mommy, I'm sorry about this morning." I was surprised and stopped what I was doing and gave her a big hug and told her that I was sorry too and we'd have a better day tomorrow. I also told her I was so proud of her for apologizing because it takes a big girl to do that. We took the kids to church and went to eat dinner at the restaurant next door. We only had an hour because D2 & D3's program is only from 6-7p. We really enjoyed the hour to ourselves. While we were talking, I told DH that D2 had come to me and apologized. I thought that he had told her to apologize, but he didn't. She did that all on her own. He did ask her about her day while they were outside, and she told him about the oatmeal and not liking it, and that she didn't mind me when I told her to stand up and that I got upset. She didn't mention the throwing up episode. After we picked up the girls we went home and DH helped D2 with her homework while I helped D3 with her bath. When D3 & I came back down, I noticed that D2's homework paper was wet at the bottom. I asked about it, and D3 piped up and said that D2 put two bottles of milk in her backpack and they spilled while they were on the bus. At this DH asked D2 about it, because she had told him it was only water. So they had to discuss the fact that she lied to him. Then I had to discuss the fact that you can't save milk in your backpack. Ewwwwww. Then we found out that the milk was from eating breakfast at school. What? They eat breakfast at home. So the girls have been using their lunch ticket for breakfast too. I'm sure they didn't know they weren't supposed to or that it cost money. So I guess I'm thankful for what the spilled milk revealed! Somehow that conversation led into the throwing up episode. D2 assured DH that she did throw up. He assured her that she didn't. He told her that he used to tell lies when he was a kid too, and that it was wrong and that he could tell that she was lying. He told her that he is very disappointed when she lies to him. After a few tries, she FINALLY admitted that she did NOT throw up. I couldn't believe it. He really has a way with her. This morning I purposely was as sweet, nice and patient as I could be and it went very well. Except for the part where we missed the bus. But I still got to work at a good time. A sweet friend of mine is bringing supper to our house tonight. The same one that threw the shower for me. Thank God for the blessing of friends.

2 comments:

Foster Child Advocate said...

I read all the way down your posts since you brought your girls home and I am seeing what looks like a pattern. You may have already noticed this, but your girls seem to have some food related behaviors. I rememeber having a lot of them myself when I was a child, so they jumped out at me immediately. I am referring specifically to asking for more toast than one girl wanted and then refusing to say she threw it away, hiding milk in the backpack, refusing certain foods, wanting to order too much food when you went out to eat after church, being a picky eater, etc. Food related behaviors are VERY common for foster kids and are also something they will probably grow out of as they see that food is readily available to them whenever they are hungry and that food will not be witheld as a punishment. I just wanted to make sure that you realize this is not a reflection on their feelings about their new family and that they are not misbehaving. These are probably learned behaviors they picked up at some point in order to survive and feel any sort of control over their lives. With the love and patience you and your hunsband are showing, I am sure this phase will pass soon enough.

David Michael said...

Yes, I can remember a lot of problems with food when I was a foster child. I can remember thinking that I better eat as much as I can every meal, because I wasn't sure how long it was going to last.

There are so many emotions going through your girls that are so difficult for them to express. The more time that goes by, the more secure they should feel.

Your empathy is a wonderful gift!