Concurrent Pathways & Fluctuating Emotions

I wonder where my children are. I know where Daughter and Son are...but I wonder where the rest of them are? I wonder what they are doing right now, right this minute. Are they about to have lunch? Did they sleep well last night? Has anyone taught them to say their prayers? Did they take a bath before bed? Did they have a tummy ache? What do they look like?

I don't know if the girls will be mine, or if God has someone else in mind for me. I do know that we are taking extra training so that we will be able to even be considered for the youngest girl, and I do know that we can't take that training until October 1 (assuming it doesn't get rescheduled again!) I do know that God is in control, and that we won't miss the opportunity to parent the children that are meant for us.

It's hard to have so many unknowns and to feel so out of control in the process. Agency Worker warned me that "the system" is like a snake, contorting and changing directions and that you have to be able to bend with it. I understand what she meant. Thoroughly. And of course, I didn't take her all that seriously at the time she said it.

Those girls are on a pathway that may cross mine or may not. Their termination hearing took place on July 11th, but their biological parents have 30 days to appeal the judge's decision. That means they only have two more days. However, it does NOT mean that I will know whether they appealed or not in just two days. It could take much longer. That much I have learned about this contorting snake called "the system". If their parents do appeal, it could mean many more months before they are available to be adopted. It is possible that they could still be moved to our house in the meantime until everything is finalized, or it could be that CPS will want them to stay in their current foster home until then. Even if the parents don't appeal, I don't know how long it takes for CPS to get them ready for adoption. I really have NO idea.

So even though we will not be ready for them until October 1, it may not matter because the girls may not be ready for us either. Who knows? I've become a bit ambivalent because I really have no control over anything that is happening. I really wanted the girls before school started, but that was impossible, and I don't want to set any other goals at this point. I kind of hope we get them before Christmas, but maybe even that is asking too much.

I'm holding on to this: Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.