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Cindy asked: "What are your expectations? I mean, what do you expect to think and feel when you meet them?"
I've thought a lot about this, and I really don't know the answer. I love children. I desperately love my own children. Will there be an instant connection? Will I cry? I don't know.
When my two children were born, there was an immediate, intense rush of love for them, an overwhelming need to protect them, and a huge weight of responsibility. Will I feel anything similar to this when I meet these girls? I just don't know. For one thing, I have no assurances at this point that I will even be able to adopt them. There is still the possibility that some unknown relative will pop out of the woodwork to claim them. Or, that CPS will go so slowly that I'll simply give up and move on to adopt children that are ready now. I don't want to get emotionally entangled and then not be able to adopt them.
On the other hand, I know that there is a good chance that we will be able to adopt them. And we'll be meeting them on Saturday. And this could be the first day of the rest of our lives with them. And that maybe I'll watch them be baptised after they accept Christ. That maybe I'll be there watching them walk across the stage when they graduate. That maybe I'll be there arranging their veils when they get married. That maybe someday I'll hold their children and they'll call me Grandma.
It's just so hard not knowing. Pray that God will give me peace and patience.
3 comments:
Woe, Stacy. Slow down girl. You sound like you are putting a lot of pressure on this meeting in a couple of days.
Stop. Take a breath. All you really have is this moment. You might drive yourself crazy trying to figure the future 1 - 5 - 15 years down the road.
Understand that all these thoughts about baptisms and wedding days are your fantacies.
Take care of yourself "today". Breath! God isn't known as someone who tells us the plans for our lives. God will probably only communicate to you at the moment you need it. So calm down and listen for that small, quiet voice... That is how you will know if these are your girls.
I can't imagine meeting children who may or may not be "my children". It's a wonderful, crazy ride we're on, isn't it? Consider that these may be your "girls" and you may not "feel" anything at all when you see them. It make take some time. Do you remember the first time you met your husband? Was it instant love and commitment? You just never know. Whatever it is, it will be God's perfection.
I was matched with my daughter, (I am adopting her from foster care at age 9) and when we met, it was very hard. I didn't feel any connection to her. I thought that she was being difficult. I thought she was sullen and moody.
Now, she is the most wonderful thing in my life. In the case of these kids, first impressions are not always right.
I hope that these girls are right for you!
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