The Saga Continues

Now I'm up to my ears in subsidy paperwork. I'm supposed to have the papers filled out and turned in to Agency Worker Friday morning. The fact that I do a weekly budget has saved my life. I was able to just look through it and come up with pretty good estimates of what we currently spend and how much we think the girls' expenses will be. I asked the state to pay for half of what I estimated the amount to be, and it's a little bit over what I was told the maximum we could expect would be. So I know we won't get what we're requesting, but I may as well ask and let them figure out what to offer.

K called Agency Worker and told her that she won't be able to give her the girl's files tomorrow and it will most likely be Friday, because D didn't come through today as promised. Please continue to pray that D will not hold up the process. I WANT MY GIRLS.

At one point today it was discussed that we might be able to attend the girls' graduation from their adoption prep classes on Friday. However, K nixed that idea. She really, really doesn't want us to visit them until after the placement staffing on the 10th. That leaves us Friday night the 11th to visit them and then hopefully the 12th to bring them home. They may force us to only visit on the 12th and then bring them home on the 13th. But Foster Mom is leaving for vacation that day, so it's really a bad idea to do it that way. On top of that I had my heart set on taking them to church with us on the 13th, AND DH teaches our Sunday School class. Of course that isn't a deal breaker and we'll miss church if we have to, we'd just rather not.

I'm planning to buy the girl's school supplies on Friday. I have their lists already printed out. I also plan to buy outfits for their first visit to church with us. I'm doubtful I will get many church clothes at the shower. There just weren't any dresses to choose from at Target. The only ones they had were more suited to fancy Christmas parties, not a regular day at church.

TEN DAYS. Ten days is so long, and so short! I feel strongly both ways! I have a lot to get done before they come, but on the other hand I'd go pick them up tonight if I could.

SADNESS. My mom isn't on the bandwagon yet. I've tried and tried to get her excited about the adoption and she just isn't. All she can think about is ME, and how this will impact ME. She tells me that I have "too much on me" already. After the first few months of that, I told her to please stop talking about it. Every time I would call her to give her good news I was excited about, she would drop the proverbial bucket of ice water on my head. It makes me sad, because I wanted her to be excited with me. She acts like I'm a child who can't make decisions for myself, and she's still trying to control my life and tell me what I can and can't handle.

A while back I stopped trying to convince her. We had a heart to heart, and I told her how much her attitude disappointed me, and she told me that I should consider how I would feel if my daughter was doing something that I really felt would impact her life in a negative way. We were at an impasse, both understanding each other's feelings and not happy about it.

So every time I get good news now, she is the last person I call. I hate for it to be that way but I'm tired of her spoiling the moment. Even last night when I called to let her know that CPS had got on board with us and we'd be getting the girls on the 12th. all she could say was "I'm glad you got what you wanted. That's what you wanted and you got it." She tried to sound happy but it was obviously forced. She has never once said "I can't wait to meet the girls" or asked any questions that weren't related to their abuse history. Even when I've tried to garner some sympathy for them by sharing some things about their past, I've been met with raised eyebrows instead of something along the lines of "those poor dears". You can bet I won't be sharing any more information with her like that.

And that brings up another sore subject. When I tell people that we are adopting, they have lots of questions. I'm really okay with that. There is only one question I've gotten repeatedly that really bothers me. ***Are they from a rough family?*** Okay, duh. What do you think? Of course they are from a rough family. But that isn't really what they are asking. What they really want to know is what is their abuse history? Were they beaten? starved? and the biggee - sexually abused? Well, that's none of anyone's business and I'm not sharing that information, here or anywhere else. They are my babies and I will protect that information just as if it were about me or one of my birth kids. My standard response is this ***Well, yes, they are from a rough family. If they weren't, they wouldn't have been taken away from their parents.*** I say this in the gentlest, least sarcastic way possible. But it really makes me seethe. And then I follow it with this statement, which I believe with my whole heart ***We are all God's children, and we all deserve to have a good home. If the things that have happened to them had happened to me, I would hope that someone would be willing to love me and help me and not see me as unworthy to be their child because of it.*** That usually garners agreement and good feelings and we go on from there.

Please continue to pray for us, and particularly my girls. At their graduation on Friday, they will be shown our family album that I put together this morning. Agency Worker is making a copy for each girl. Their teacher for the adoption prep class is going to give them the news and the albums, and their foster mom will be there with them for support and to help them understand. I hope that it will be taken as good news, but it might not. They are still grieving for what they have lost, and we may feel like interlopers to them.

Now I'm emotionally exhausted so I'll stop here.