Nothing

No news today. Please keep praying.

Hurry Up And Wait

Have you ever been in your car, and held down the accelerator and the brake at the same time? The engine revs and the car goes nowhere. There's all that engine under the hood, but in reality it's not moving anywhere.

That's how I feel. I have so much energy. I'm chomping at the bit. I have a hundred things to do. I don't have a spare minute. I'm scared I'm going to forget something. I have so many things to handle in the next few weeks.

Here's the news: I tried to schedule a visit with the girls for Saturday. I called their foster mom this morning, but she hasn't heard anything from our agency or CPS saying that is was okay for us to start visits, so she said no. I understand that. She is protecting our girls and following the rules and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So I called Agency Worker. She also understood and agreed that Foster Mom made the right decision. So she called the adoption liaison, K. K understands that we are hoping to bring the girls home on November 12th, and why. (Because Foster Mom is taking vacation the following week, and this would keep the girls out of respite care that week.) K is going to call D, the CPS foster care worker for the girls, and try to get things moving. D has to de-identify the files for both girls. I found out this morning that this means she will have to go through each piece of paper from every agency, etc., with a sharpee marker removing all references to names and other identifying information. It a small wonder that they ever get anything done! You'd think they'd be able to just do some kind of search and replace on the computer to remove names but they don't have soft copies of all the files, so no go.

There's only one thing to do about this situation from my end, and that's pray. I'm also asking all of my praying readers to send up a prayer for the CPS workers, D & K, that they would understand the timing, and have the energy and time to get this job done in the quickest possible way. Please also pray for Foster Mom. She currently has 10 kids due to an emergency placement. She normally only keeps six at a time. One of the kids just gave birth over the weekend, so she has a newborn there too. She had to send one of the kids to RTC last night so she really has her hands full. And she's also dealing with this anxious adoptive mom that wants her kids NOW. (That's me).

Yesterday was so busy. Immediately after work I had to take the kids to music lessons, then take my daughter to the high school for a two hour choir practice. Straight from there I went to Target to register for the baby shower. My friend is sending the shower invitations today, so the registering had to be done in a hurry. I had an hour and a half to get it all done. I really wished that I could have taken a friend or my daughter along to make it more fun and keep me focused. I picked out shoes, clothes, pajamas, winter jackets, socks, undies, hair thingees, brushes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, hand soap in cute little pumps, arts & crafts, dolls and books. I was going mad trying to think of every possible thing we could need for two little girls. I was disappointed in their clothing selection, but we included their sizes in the invitation so maybe some of their clothes will come from other stores. They didn't really have any selection for church dresses, and we'll need those too.

Now I'm worrying about things like what they like to eat, what time do they go to bed and get up, what do I need to do to change their schools, will it insult them if I stop on the way home and get their hair cut the first day, will they cry for their Foster Mom the first night, will they cry when I leave them at Sunday School or school the first day.....

I guess you should pray for me too.

Exhausted

I spent all day Saturday trying to reorganize. All of the cleaners have to be locked up before the kids can live with us. I was supposed to take care of this some time ago. But I didn't. We've had something to do that took us away for the entire day on Saturday for the past five Saturdays. Sundays are so busy we don't have a chance to catch our breath. Some of that is our own fault, because we accidentally said yes to teaching the preschool choir on Sunday nights. I say accidentally, because we thought we were agreeing to help with the children's choir, and somehow we got shoehorned into keeping the preschoolers. DH and I aren't really the preschool type, however, I've been really impressed with how well DH handles them. He's more patient than I am. We go out on the playground and all you can hear is a chorus of "Mr. DH! Mr. DH!" from twelve energetic little voices. They love him. He's really a trooper when he needs to be.

Anyway, I had to clean out a filing cabinet so that we could use it to store the household cleaners. Then DH fabricated a locking-bar thingy and welded it to the front and added a combination lock. Daughter helped him because she has to earn hours for her FFA class outside of school. They've been having a lot of fun with that. DH was so excited when he found out that Daughter had gotten into welding class! It was fourth or fifth on her list of preferred alternatives, but she's actually enjoying it. She also really enjoys spending time with Daddy and letting him teach her things.

Unfortunately, I didn't complete the job on Saturday. My parents, grandmother, and father-in-law came over to visit us on Saturday night. That was really fun. I made homemade veggie pizzas with no cheese, and I think they liked it... After that we enjoyed a rousing game of Chicken Foot. Daughter had to leave early to babysit. We were very tired and went to bed early. Unfortunately again, we forgot to take the phone in our room when we went to bed. So when our dear friend B brought Daughter home, they couldn't get through the front gate. And even though they called EIGHT times, Son didn't hear the phone in his room and answer it. So they spent forty minutes at the gate, until finally B figured out how to trick the gate and open it from the other side. I was so embarrassed when I found the eight messages on our phone Sunday morning!

So at 4:30 am today I started cleaning house. I had to clean up the giant mess I made on Saturday, plus do the regular stuff like dusting and vacuuming. I also had to lock up the cleaners and the medications that were still out. I got to work late and I have to leave early. Praise God for flex time!

I don't have any news about when we'll get the girls. I'm hoping that Agency Worker will have something to tell us today. Fortunately I've got all the information sent in for my parents now so that they can get approved as babysitters. There's so much going on that my mind is in a whirl. I've still got to get a list to my friend so she can send out invitations to the "baby" shower. Hopefully I can get that done tonight. Then sometime I have to go register! Insert scream here. We're just so BUSY! Maybe I can do it Thursday or Friday night.

Progress

We are hoping to get the girls halfway through November. And it all depends on their assigned CPS worker, D. Agency Worker talked to D yesterday. D had heard from the girls' therapist, and from her garbled message on the answering machine, thought the therapist said it would be a bad idea to pursue adoption right now. Agency Worker was pretty sure this is not right, and that most likely the therapist was saying that the goodbye visit with the birthmom was a bad idea, not the adoption.

Agency Worker said that Girl2 has said during her sessions with the therapist that she doesn't want to be adopted. But she is only six years old, and honestly, she doesn't understand her choices. She can't go back to her birth home, and she can't stay in foster care forever. Besides that, she attended an open house last weekend with her foster family, and she approached one of the foster dads there and asked him if he would adopt her. I think she & Girl1 are both very confused, and we need to get them moved into our home as quickly as possible. We will be able to soothe their fears and help them start to settle into a permanent home.

Agency Worker is planning to call D again in a couple of days. Everything hinges on D doing the paperwork for placement. Please pray that she will make this a priority and get it done so that our family can move forward.

I had a comment below from Foster Child Advocate and she was concerned about the possibility that we would try to erase the girls' history. We would never do that. In fact we discussed framing and hanging a picture that the girls have of them with their birthparents. After many hours of training and reading books on adoption, I understand the loss that foster/adopted children feel. I will encourage them to talk about their past and be open with them. I will help them understand that it's okay to love their biological parents. I'm not in a contest with them. I only want to provide the girls a safe, loving home and be their adoptive mother. I am here to fill their needs, not vice versa. I pray that God will help me to continue to be as selfless as I can as I strive to help them grow into beautiful, godly, independent, emotionally stable young women.

Shower

One of my dear friends has decided to throw a "baby" shower for me! I have to admit that I was hoping someone would, and I said the tiniest prayer that God would let that happen. Less than an hour later, my friend emailed me to say she would like to throw one. Praise God for the big and small things!

Cindy asked me when we would get to see the girls again. I don't know the answer to that yet. We were told that we could see them but we can't tell them yet about the adoption. I don't really know if I'll be able to do that, so we may wait until we get the go-ahead. I just don't know. I really want to see them again and the kids really want to meet them. They live about an hour away, so we can't just drop by now and then, we have to plan it out. We also have to coordinate it with the foster mom and somehow not let the secret slip to the girls when we are with them.

I'm very torn. I know that the girls said they would like for us to adopt them. So what if we go see them and they ask me about it? I can't say "no" or "maybe" and I'm not allowed to say "yes". It would tear my heart out to give them an answer that sounds like anything other than yes and then see the disappointment and hurt on their faces. It's a dilemma I haven't figured out yet.

Right now I'm hoping that we will get them before November 13th. Their foster mom is taking a week vacation and will need respite care for all her foster kids for that week. I'd love to do it, but again, the kids live an hour away and I wouldn't be able to transport them to and from their school each day. So Agency Worker is trying to help CPS see what a great idea it would be to get them moved to our home before then.

I'm so excited! Our God is an awesome God.

Matthew 25:40 (The Message)
40Then the King will say, "I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me--you did it to me.'

Beautiful

After sending out an email telling all my family and friends about our good news, I received this poem back from my cousin. It's so beautiful that I'm sharing it here. You might want to have a tissue handy if you are prone to sentiment.

The Chosen Heart

Longing for a child to love,
I'd wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew
A part of me was meant for you.

I think how happy we will be,
Once I adopt you, and you adopt me.

I dream of all the joy you'll bring,
Imagining even the littlest things.
The way it will feel to hold you tight,
And tuck you in every night.

The drawing on the refrigerator door,
And childhood toys across the floor.
The favorite stories read again and again,
And hours of games with make-believe friends.

The day you took my outstretched hand,
A journey ended, but our lives began.
Still mesmerized by your sweet face,
Still warmed inside by our first embrace.

I promised to give you a happy home,
And a loving family all your own.
A house you've now made complete,
With laughter, smiles, and tiny feet.

A parent is one who guides the way,
Know I will be there everyday.
Rest easy as each night you sleep,
A lifetime of love is yours to keep.

Longing for a child to love,
I'd wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew,
A part of me belonged to you.

©1997 Teri Harrison

Blessings

I never ever post on the weekend. I don't even get on the computer much on the weekend. I spend my whole week on the computer and I don't care to even touch it on the weekend. But because I was so excited and because I just had to share it with you guys, I got on Friday night and blogged. And I was blessed to read Tamara's comment....

"......I can't believe this - I normally don't check the blogs on the weekend because I'm not working - but GOD told me to check in. WOWZERS! ......"

So now I know why I blogged. Thanks so much to everyone for their supportive comments.

I didn't get to tell the kids the good news until Saturday evening. I wanted to sit them both down and tell them at the same time, in person. Daughter had a friend over Friday night and then we had to leave early Saturday morning for an all day seminar.

When I told them, Daughter got tears in her eyes, and went to get her bible. I was concerned about how Son would react, but I needn't have bothered worrying. He said that he would ask the bus driver to let the girls sit on the front row of the bus to protect them from any would-be bullying, and that he would sit with them the first few days to be sure they were okay. I told him that was very sweet and sounded big-brotherly. Then I told him it was okay if he didn't feel brotherly yet and just was being a nice friend. He told me that he already felt like a brother to them. It was so sweet and I was so relieved.

Daughter told me that it's becoming real to her now and she's scared. She said it was just a dream before. I asked her if she regretted it and she told me "no, not at all!" It's just fear of the unknown and the reality of the girls coming to live with us. I explained to both of the kids that even though it will be difficult for all of us to get used to having the girls in our home, it will be so much more difficult for the girls and we need to be patient with them.

I talked to Agency Worker today and she was able to contact the adoption liaison. We are getting the wheels rolling! The liaison wouldn't make any promises for WHEN we could get the girls at this point, but Agency Worker is working toward Thanksgiving and SO AM I!

I'm so excited and looking forward to seeing the girls again.

We Got Them! We Got Them! WE GOT THEM!!

We got the call today. Agency Worker called. I'm still in shock.

How could this be? We were told that there would be a formal staffing for the girls. It wasn’t even scheduled yet. I know that CPS is focusing on finishing “in progress” adoptions in November. They aren’t even thinking about the girls right now. Or so we thought.

Agency Worker called me around 3pm and told me that the CPS worker had just called her and told her that she had been meaning to call and let her know that they had selected us to be the family for the girls. Agency Worker submitted our home study a couple of weeks ago and CPS looked it over and decided that they needed to look no further! They will not be having a formal staffing! They will not be soliciting other families! I don’t understand it, I don’t know how this happened, but it did. I can only believe that God had a hand in it. Why else would it happen this way?

The CPS worker (D) told Agency Worker that we could start visitation with the girls, but not overnight visits. It’s so crazy. I was crying and laughing and speechless. Agency Worker also told me that Foster Mom told her that both girls had stated that they would like for DH & me to adopt them! Foster Mom swears that she never mentioned to them that we were interested and that they came up with it on their own. If that is true, what a blessing! Half the battle is done already if the girls are hoping that we will adopt them. I truly think this is a “match made in heaven”. What else could it be, when it turns out like this?

I wasn’t even expecting a call. I wasn’t anxious. I was sitting back waiting, because I knew their staffing wasn’t even on the schedule and wouldn’t be for a while. This came out of nowhere.

Now I want to know, WHEN, WHEN?? Of course, they don’t know. Their bio-mom surfaced and wants her good-bye visit, and they are trying to get that done before the end of the month. They still have to release the girls’ complete records to us and we have to give our final decision, plus various and sundry other paper work. Agency Worker said if everyone really “gets on the stick” we might have them by Thanksgiving. Forgive me for hoping it’s sooner than that! Either way, I’m sure we’ll see them before then. Agency Worker said they don’t want us to tell the girls yet that we are adopting them, just in case we change our minds. I can’t imagine anything at this point that would change our minds, but I’ll comply with their request.

I GOT MY GIRLS!!!! Thank you Sweet Jesus. What a glorious and wonderful blessing.

For I know the plans I have for you sayeth the Lord…..

My little Girl1 singing “God has a plan for my life….”

My heart is about to burst.

Ain't No Pleasin' Me...

Hip Hip Hooray! We finally received our license in the mail.

However...

When we did our home study, I asked Agency Worker to license us for the full range of ages and up to four adopted children so that we wouldn't be limited if something came along that was a little outside of our preferred situation. But instead we were licensed for two children ages 4-9.

So I called Agency Worker this morning, and asked about it, and she had forgotten my original request and just licensed us according to our preferences. That's probably okay, but what if there's a three year old or a ten year old out there meant for our family? I just don't want to be limited.

Agency Worker said she would change the limits for us. I requested that she change it to four children ages 0-11. Just in case.

Otherwise, no news. We did enjoy a nice vacation day with our kids yesterday. They had the day off from school so DH & I both took the day off and went to Waffle House and Putt Putt. Then we went home and had soy ice cream on the back porch and played board games and dominoes for the rest of the evening.

Submitted Again

After my talk with Agency Worker yesterday, she sent me a referral she got from another agency. It is for a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. They are really cute kids. They fit what we were originally looking for very well.

After looking through the information we decided that we would like to be submitted for them.

I have mixed feelings. I would love to have a boy and a girl. When we were originally asked about the girls, I did have reservations that we wouldn't be getting a boy AND a girl. However, we felt that if God wanted us to have two girls, we would have faith that He knows what is best for us.

So now we've been submitted on two sets of kids. I've been praying that God would protect my heart and not allow me to be too focused on one set. I don't want to hope for one set or the other. In fact, we may be submitted on many more kids before we find the ones God wants for us. Waiting is hard, but this feels like progress, so I'm actually feeling good about the whole thing and in pretty good spirits. My kids are out there, and I think we'll have them pretty soon!

Information

Agency Worker called me back today. I had two things I wanted to discuss with her.

1) How likely is it that we will get the girls? Do we need to be considering other children also? Agency Worker says that she thinks we have a great chance of getting the girls because she has been mentioning us for a while and we are a "strong family". However, she also understood that it isn't a good idea to put "all your eggs in one basket" in case we don't get them. So she is going to be sending me any and all referrals she gets that fit our preferences, and we can choose to be submitted on them if we want to.

2) Will we get any reimbursement for the girls since they are an adoptive placement? Agency Worker thought at first that we would get the full foster amount, but I told her that I had read that when you took children as adoptive placements you weren't reimbursed. So she checked on it and called me back. It turns out that I was right, sort of. We will not be eligible for the foster care reimbursement, but we will be eligible for the adoption subsidy if the girls qualify for it. She feels strongly that they will qualify for it with their particular needs.

So I'm feeling better today. I have more information, and I'll be getting to consider other children while I wait to see if we're chosen for the girls. Agency Worker said she was sending our information to CPS today. She also requested a photo album from us that she said really helps during a staffing.

So my next task is to make a photo album. The problem is that I can't do it on the week nights because we are so busy, and on the next three Saturdays we have plans, and Sundays are entirely too busy right now. Pray that I'll find some extra TIME hidden somewhere to get a photo album put together quickly.

Plans

I put a call in to Agency Worker. She hasn't called me back yet.

Here's what I'm thinking. I've had my hopes pinned on these two girls since June, but there is no guarantee I'll get them. So if I don't pursue other children, I could end up at New Year's with nothing to show for the whole entire year of trying. I think the girls would be a good addition to our family, but I haven't met the other kids out there. I'm sure I'd like them just as much. I just love children in general. I'm very motherly and nurturing.

I almost wish I hadn't heard about the girls so long ago. I wish that I didn't care which children I get. I wish that I was just hearing about them today, along with other available kids. My heart is too wrapped up in this. Even as I contemplate pursuing other children, I worry that I'll get them and miss out on the girls.

My mother said she thought it had made it worse that I met them. At the time I disagreed, but now I think she is right. I can see their faces in my mind. I have heard their voices, seen them smile and dance and play. How can I not be attached?

This is so hard.

Training

So we finished our final training class on Saturday, and it was fun! We learned the CPI technique. You can visit their website here. The point is to restrain your attacker without injuring them.

There were twelve of us in the class. We practiced all the moves on each other in slow motion. The instructor made us pair up with different people for each exercise, so we got to know each other pretty well.

I know it wouldn't be fun at all to be in a situation where you actually had to use the techniques, but it was the most fun I've had at training. The time passed quickly. There was a test at the end, and that was really the worst part. There was no multiple choice and it was closed book and closed neighbor.

So now we get submitted and we wait to see what God will do.

Report Card

My son brought home his report card yesterday. But before I tell you how he did, let me tell you this - the kid is a genius. He's smarter than either of his parents. He can outwit and out-argue almost anyone. He has certainly stretched all my natural parenting abilities to their very limits.

This year he was very excited that he got into the gifted and talented (GT) program. He was tested for it the year before, but he decided the test was too hard and didn't try. At the end of last year he really wanted to be in GT so he put in the extra effort and passed the test. He has loved being in it so far. They have them do creative exercises and work puzzles and he's having a great time.

So yesterday he brought home 2 A's, 1 low B and 2 high C's. It's ridiculous. I found out that he was tested four times over a book he didn't read, and that he was supposed to read other books for points. I'm sure that he purposely didn't let me know.

At their school, they do all their work there and don't bring any books home. They have classroom sets of books. This severely limits me as a parent to know what material he is working on that I might be able to help him with. They do send home a schedule each week that I have to sign, but listed on it are things like "Complete Worksheet A". That really doesn't give me enough to work with!

So! He's grounded. He's lost all his privileges to all electronics (Computer, Gameboy, Gamecube) and we took the TV out of his room. He's also grounded from being in the boy band they started. He will read for 15 minutes at home every day, and he will tell me what they are working on in school so I can make sure he understands the concepts. He admitted that he had not been doing his best, and also that he had been confused about some things and not asked for help.

I know that right now you are thinking I'm a pretty harsh parent. But I know my son, and I know he can do better. It takes pretty big consequences to get through to him. And I want him to understand early in life that SCHOOL MATTERS. If he blows it off, he'll never be able to be an architect, or a lawyer, or an engineer, or whatever he wants to be this week, because he won't be able to get into college.

If he brings up his grades to straight As by the three weeks progress report, he gets to choose one item to have back. He gets it all back with a report card in six weeks that has straight As, and I may relent if there is nothing lower than high Bs.

I never compare my kids in front of them, but just between us, Daughter is so much easier. That kids works herself to a nub. She is very responsible and does everything she is told to do. I'm sure it has something to do with being the oldest and that we are harder on her. So I feel like I really need to knuckle down on him now before it is too late.

Also, I'm concerned that they will kick him out of GT. He is really enjoying it and I think there is value in it. On the other hand, I may pull him out of it myself if he can't keep up his grades.

So for all you parents-to-be who read my blog, welcome to one of the joys of parenting. Second-guessing yourself. Am I being too hard on him? Have I been too easy on him? Is this my fault? Am I expecting too much? Have I not paid enough attention???? And so it goes.

Sleep Walker

Since I don't have any adoption news, I thought you might enjoy a story about sleepwalking. My husband is notorious for doing crazy things while asleep.

Last night, he suddenly raised up and ran off the end of the bed. This happened once last week too. He then proceeded to shake and choke the post on his side. I woke up startled and told him to "stop, wake up". He moved to my post and began to choke and shake it even more vigorously than the first. Again I ordered him to stop it and wake up, and he finally started to come out of it. So we went back to sleep.

But then later he sat up in bed and pressed a hand down on my back. I told him to wake up and stop it, "don't hurt me". I didn't really think he would hurt me because this is a common thing for him, but I was trying to use the words to startle him enough to wake up. He told me that I should go sleep in another room. But I didn't and we made it safely through the rest of the night.

He has severe ragweed allergies, and is on both Claritin-D and Benadryl to control the symptoms. We are thinking this might have caused the bizarre sleepwalking last night. He's had problems with it before, but we've been able to control it with reduced stress and a regular bedtime schedule.

Nighty-night!

Finally, Some News

I talked to Agency Worker on Friday. She got in touch with the girls' worker's supervisor, who told her that the girls are definitely available for adoption, and they are accepting home studies for them. They aren't advertising to families yet because there is a national adoption day in November that they are putting all their efforts toward right now.

So we will finish our training on Saturday, and our home study will be submitted. Then, CPS will advertise the girls at some point, and other couples will also send in their home studies. THEN, CPS will select 4 or 5 of the best matches for the staffing. THEN Agency Worker will attend the staffing and try to convince CPS that we are the best family for the girls.

She thought that the soonest we might get them would be around Christmas or New Years, and that's only IF we get them.

SIGH. I was glad to get news, but I'm going to be pretty disappointed if we waited all this time for these girls and then we don't get them and have to start over. We could have already had kids by now.

Still, God knows what he's up to, even if I don't, and maybe if I don't get the girls there was a reason he wanted me to wait. Maybe my kids weren't ready yet. I don't know.

I just can't think about it any more right now.

Waiters' Anonymous

Hear ye, hear ye, this meeting of Waiters' Anonymous is now in session.

Who'd like to go first?

Okay, I'll go. It all started about a year ago. I started getting the urge to have more children. I didn't know whether I wanted to have my husband have a little reversal surgery or whether we should forego that and adopt. We checked into all our options. Reversal is expensive and babies are quite a handful. A baby at this point in our lives would turn us upside down. We decided in January to pursue adoption. In February we attended our first CPS meeting. In March we made the final decision that we absolutely positively knew this was what we wanted to do.

We began training in May, and from there things went nuts. I was bound and determined to get everything done as quickly as possible so that we could get our kids before school started. Shortly after that we found out DH was going to Israel for three weeks, so we went into super-sonic speed. Well, at least I did. DH kept asking me why I was in such a hurry, and telling me that it would all work out the way God wanted it to.

Then we heard about two little girls, and that they were going for termination in July. I was told that after termination the girls could move in with me almost right away. Ha.

Since DH has been home from Israel, things have been going at a snail's pace. The only bright spot, a wonderful beautiful bright spot, was that we got to meet the girls. But that's it. I have no news about them, no word from CPS, no indication at all of when or if we'll be able to adopt them. The only thing left for us to do is finish one day of training. We actually "finished" in May, but because one of the girls is listed as moderate, we had to do extra training.

So that's my story. I'm doing okay, as long as I don't think about it. But talking about it has brought it all back up....and I'm feeling a bit anguished.

So......who's next?

Still Nothing...

...but yet, life goes on.

Joey the cat got well, but evidently he had the kitty flu, because Gabriel caught it. Now Gabriel is a much different animal than Joey. Joey is a sweet natured kitty who took his medicine nicely and loved his laxative. He was nice to the vet and let them do whatever they needed to do.

Not so with Gabriel. Gabriel is his mommy's boy (me) and no one else's. So last week we found out why this is a blessing, and also a curse. He wouldn't let the vet come anywhere near him. He hissed and bared his fangs and deployed his claws. You have to be very brave to dive into a mad, cornered cat and the vet wasn't.

So his terrible temper saved us some money! No expensive x-rays or bloodwork or overnight stays were done. Just an antibiotic and a limited office visit and we were out of there. Unfortunately we had to force water down his throat at home in order to keep him hydrated, and he didn't like that at all. But he let me do it, and he's feeling much better now.

And yesterday was a big day! We had a furniture delivery! Guess what we got!!! Yep, a bunkbed. It's all set up in the spare bedroom, and I even bought sheets for it yesterday. I still have to clean out the closet and get the filing cabinet out of that room, but we are so much closer.

Unfortunately, there is no news about the girls. But someday, no matter how long it takes, there will be children sleeping in that bunkbed. Last night I opened the door just to look at it again. I imagined what the room will be like when it is filled with little voices.

I think I'm finally at peace with the wait. My emotions are at rest. I know that we'll get our children someday, and we're praying for them every night in the meantime.

Disgusted with the Whole Thing

We went to medication training last night, which was fine, other than we got home late and we're tired today. All we have left now is the all day training on October 1.

Still no news. There's nothing I can do about it. Just waiting. And waiting.

Nothing to do in the meantime but wait, with no end in sight. I know that once it starts it will probably happen quickly, but there's no hint of when that will be. I don't even know if the girls made it into the adoption class.

Sigh.

So I'm focusing on Daughter and Son. They've both requested to spend some quality time alone with me the last couple of days, so I'm trying to figure out when to do that. Our weeknights are so busy with their schedules, so I'm hoping for some time on Saturday.

That's all I have for now.

I'm Selfish

I just talked to Agency Worker. I needed to call her to ask about storing household cleaners. We have to lock up all the medicine and the gasoline, but I was originally told that the cleaners could be up on a high shelf. Another time she mentioned that the cleaners might need to be locked up too. So I called her to clarify. It turns out the cleaners need to be locked up too.

This won't be easy. My kitchen cabinets don't really lend themselves to adding a lock. We're going to have to get creative. I asked her what if I get rid of all my cleaners and only use natural cleaners that aren't poisonous. Would those have to be locked up? She is supposed to get back with me. She said there may be a special "latch" I can use, but it has to be approved for up to the age of the oldest foster child.

Of course, the conversation turned to the girls. She doesn't have anything new to tell me. She did say that the parents have 30 days to appeal after the judge signs the official order terminating their parental rights, which could be up to a month after the hearing. The hearing was on July 11. So some time around now, their right to appeal should be expired, if it isn't already.

I told Agency Worker that it's hard to wait, and it seems like CPS has forgotten about my girls. She told me that it does seem that way with lots of kids. She said the reason is that there are so many children still being abused in their homes, and not enough workers, so that when kids are safely in foster care and no longer in danger, they become "back-burner" kids.

That is hard for me to hear. Especially because it creates a dilemma for me. If I was a CPS worker with too many cases and not enough time, I would prioritize the kids in the most danger too. I can totally understand that. But now I feel even more sad.

There are so many people out there waiting for children, wanting them desperately. And there are so many kids out there in foster care, waiting to go to permanent homes. But because there are so many abusive parents, there isn't enough time to match up the kids with the parents who want them.

And then of course there is that "elephant in the room" we don't want to talk about, which is this - if there weren't any abusive parents, none of us waiting adoptive parents in the foster-to-adopt world would have anything to wait for.

Why I'm Frustrated

Just little things like this:

Email from me to Agency Worker: "I was wondering if you were able to get the girls enrolled in the adoption course, and if you ever got in touch with their CPS worker."

Email from Agency Worker to me: "The family developer working with Foster Mom's home is working on the adoption prep classes. As of Tuesday she had not heard from the girls’ worker."

Will this adoption ever happen? Will anything ever happen?

I'm tired of no news.

But.....a major hallelujah last night all because of cat poop. Even after an overnight stay in the hospital and a couple of enemas, Joey wouldn't GO. He was still acting sick all day yesterday. So on top of attending a funeral we were worried about our cat. Last night I went back to the pet hospital to pick up a laxative. I gave it to him and then took him straight to the litter box and voila! Cat poop! I was never so excited in my life to see feces. Crazy, huh? The laxative actually takes 8-10 hours to take effect, so he would have gone either way, but we didn't know that.

Anyway, the important thing is that he is okay and my poor tattered wallet is safe for the moment from astronomical pet bills. I hope. Otherwise my marriage may be in jeopardy. (Not really, but he did have a fit.)

Joey, The Six Hundred & Seventy Dollar Cat

Yesterday, my daughter's 5 month old kitten Joey just laid around on the couch and slept most of the day. We thought it was strange, because normally he is a ball of energy zooming through the house, tripping people and driving my cat Gabriel crazy. So we took him up to her room to see if he would eat and drink. He wasn't interested, and he looked like he was drugged.

So I called the emergency vet clinic. They asked about poisons and cleaners he might have gotten into, but we haven't been cleaning, and he's an indoor only cat. The only thing I could think of is that he had his first kitty shots last Wednesday, along with being neutered. I was sure he was having a reaction to the shots. The technician recommended that we bring him in.

I waited about three minutes, trying to decide, because I know how expensive a trip to the emergency vet clinic is. We've gone twice before, once with a snake bitten dog, and once with a dying guinea pig. I don't have good memories of the place. Then Daughter came downstairs holding Joey and sat down on the couch. He crawled off the couch and fell on the floor then just lay stunned where he fell with one front leg just sticking up in the air. That image stirred me right out of my chair, and Daughter & I hurriedly bundled Joey into the car and took off.

When we got there, we found out that he was running fever and badly constipated. The doctor said that he was teething, so that maybe he didn't want to drink any water. She didn't think his immunizations were causing the problem. We really don't know what caused him to get constipated. But she recommended antibiotics and an enema, along with an overnight stay. Bill - $670.13.

No cat is worth $670.13. But Daughter is. There is no way I could refuse to pay that bill, and let that kitten die, and see my daughter crushed before my eyes. She loves that kitten. He sleeps on her bed with her, and lives in her room. I prayed for that cat all the way to the clinic. But not really for the cat, just for my daughter, because I don't want her to experience the hurt of losing this kitten. I love the kitten too, and putting a price on life is just impossible.

I called the clinic this morning, and his fever is down and he's eating again. Praise the Lord. We are all very relieved, and are supposed to be able to bring him home tonight.

P.S. That's not a picture of Joey, but it looks very much like him.

Home Study Approved

"The license is in the mail" said Agency Worker. Yea!

I talked to her this morning, and she said that she has requested that the girls be put into an adoption course. It is for six weeks and starts next Friday. I really hope they can get into it. I think it is designed to help the kids understand and accept that they will be adopted, and what that means.

Other than that, no other news. She still hasn't heard from their caseworker at CPS.

Nearly Licensed

I talked to Agency Worker yesterday, and she had some questions that came back from the lady that is working on our licensing. Nothing major, just little things they wanted to clear up about how we might handle certain situations, like eating. We eat VERY healthy around our house, and they wanted to make sure that we would not force the girls to give up all the foods they love and to instead eat things they didn't like. I assured them that I understood it wouldn't be a good idea to force my eating habits on the girls. Any and all changes will be made gradually.

Isn't it sad that healthy eating is considered a BAD thing in our society?? What a terrible parent I am... :p

I told Agency Worker about our visit with the girls, and that we were interested in pursuing adopting them. She still doesn't have any information from their CPS caseworker. She doesn't know when CPS will have the girls ready for adoption. For now I am content, because we haven't finished our training and can't take them anyway. But after October 1st, my patience may start to run out. Not that it will do me any good, because I have no control over any of this. I've done my part and that's all I can do.

SIGH...Comment Spam

Okay, I hate to do this, but I've turned on word verification for comments. My last post had TEN comment spams. After deleting all of those, I decided to go ahead and turn it on. I haven't wanted to because I really enjoy getting everyone's comments. Please continue to comment. Hopefully I'll be able to turn it off at some point when the spammers get tired of ruining everyone's fun.

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